Q&A Madness!
by Shadow Shinobi57
Summary: I'm back to torture Star Fox! You ask, they answer, and I twist it in ways that no one could imagine. Plus, you have a chance to co-host! So what are you waiting for? Come in and prepare to be carried to the hospital as the result of a busted gut!
1. Episode 1

_Self explanatory. Explanations in the fic. I do not own Star Fox or any of it's affiliations. I do, however, own this fic and Shadow. I AM Shadow, so it makes sense._

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Chapter 1

The Beginning…Again

??: You've got to do something, Shadow. Your fans aren't very pleased with your decision. Two projects down the drain, and you finished them out of boredom.

Shadow: I know, I know. Why do you worry so much about ratings?

Mr. Worries About Ratings: Because that's my name.

Shadow looks at the man's nametag, and it was true; it was his name.

Shadow: Okay then…I think I have an idea. Just promise me you won't get in the way this time. Mr. Saw was enough of an annoyance.

Mr. Worries About Ratings: Don't worry about it. If I did, I'd probably end up like him.

Shadow: Now you're catchin' on!

Mr. Worries About Ratings: You're still going to use that?

Shadow: Yep.

Mr. Worries About Ratings: Fine. Just get out there and make us proud.

Shadow: like hell I will. I'm doing this for me…and my fans.

He walks out of the room.

--

The hatch opens in the hanger and Shadow walks in with his traditional outfit. A black cloak, chains around his left arm, belt across his chest that goes over the right shoulder and holds two large swords, a belt around his waist that holds a small dagger like sword, and a black headband. He walks down the hall, right into the TV room.

Shadow: Aw, sweet memories. Good thing it wasn't too long. So, if I have this right, then they should be waking up anytime now.

Just as he predicted, the door slid open to reveal Fox. And just like Shadow thought, he looked more than surprised, then more than furious.

Fox: What the hell are you doing here?! Didn't you put us through enough?!

Shadow: No. See, my producer thought that ending the other show was bad. So, here I am. Wake the others and tell them to get ready. We need to leave in about 20 minutes.

Fox: Leave?! No, I'm not going to!

Falco: What is going on?!

Everyone had woken up from Fox's yelling. Falco, Krystal, Slippy and Peppy stood behind him.

Shadow: Good, you're up.

Everyone except Shadow and Fox: You again?!

Shadow: Yes. Now, get dressed and ready. Bring anything you want, I just wanna get started.

Falco: Not this again! We're not doing this!

Shadow wields all three swords, the largest in his right hand, middle sized in left, and smallest in his mouth.

Shadow: (With sword handle in mouth) I don't think you have a choice.

That appeared to be the only persuading the others needed. They ran to their rooms and grabbed all their stuff in 20 minutes and one second.

Shadow: I SAID 20 MINUTES, NOT 20 MINUTES AND ONE SECOND!!! But I'll let it slide.

Everyone else: Phew…

Shadow: Alright.

He hit his palms together and all of them were teleported to an unknown location. It appeared to be a warehouse.

Shadow: Smile, you're on camera.

Everyone else: Say what?

The lights flickered on, and they were indeed inside a warehouse. At least until the walls fell away to revealing thousands of screaming fans, all of them cheering 'Star Fox'. They were in what appeared to be an amphitheater, all six of them being in a hexagonal island in the middle. The lights were similar to those on "Millionare".

Shadow: I will never understand how a mercenary group could become as famous as Oprah, only your fans aren't all women who don't know what to do with their life.

Krystal: Hey! I love Oprah!

Shadow: Yeah, I read it in "Big Whoop" magazine. The point being that it's time for…

He pointed to the audience.

Audience: Q&A Madness!!

Shadow: That's right! And that means that you, the viewers, will send in questions. Only this time, a little twist. I will give you a category. This time, it's…

He pushes a button and each of the screens in the theater hold the image of blurred selections flying by. It slows down and stops on…

Shadow: Family ties! What does their family trees include, and what details are there to it? You'll find out next time on…

Audience: Q&A Madness!!

Shadow: Good night!

Peppy: It's just now dawn!

Shadow: I'll hit you with this giant seashell!

He holds out a giant seashell, about the size of a theater screen. Peppy runs away screaming.

Shadow: Get back here, damn it!

Fox: Man, I HATE Q&A's!

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Weird, huh? That's what it's supposed to be. For this fic, I'm gonna leave some details for those who can't remember.

**Category: Family ties**

**Characters available: Fox, Falco, Krystal, Slippy, Peppy, and Shadow.**

And now, I'm going to wait. Once I get some good questions, I'll hold a poll on who should run the show with me. They will do it for 1 chapter. You cannot vote for yourself, and you can't vote for someone who just went. I will hold it every...three chapters, maybe. Remember, if you don't like how I portray you, tell me and I'll improve.

Keep impressing me!

Shadow


	2. Episode 2

Chapter 2

Family Ties

Shadow: I do have some questions ready. And yes, they are about the details and lives of these guy's family roots…Actually, seed could also be used here.

Slippy: How?

Shadow: DUH! It's the seed of a male that fuses with the egg of a female that makes a fetus. Then that fetus grows into a baby and then it's born, and you're not understanding a word I'm saying, are you?

Slippy: No…

He walks Slippy into a booth that suddenly appeared. About an hour later, the other six were on stage doing whatever suited them. They now understood why Shadow told them to bring whatever they wanted. The audience was doing the same. When Shadow walked out, Slippy was shaking like crazy, and was vomiting everywhere.

Krystal: What did you do to him?

Shadow: I showed him the miracle of reproduction! I strung together footage of mating, then the journey of a fetus, then someone actually giving birth. I had five credits on it being a male, but I lost.

Krystal: Oh my…

She ran over to comfort Slippy, who was still shaking.

Krystal: How could you?!

He snaps his fingers.

Shadow: Like that.

Falco: Nice job, dude.

Shadow: I DON'T NEED ENCOURAGEMENT FROM A DAMN BIRD!! RASENGAN!!

Falco was launched into the rafters.

Fox: Wait, you're gonna do THAT in this one, too?

Shadow: Now you're catchin' on!

Fox: Stop saying that!

Shadow: NO!!

He throws a shoe at him.

Slippy: Hey, give me back my shoe!

Fox then proceeds to puke from the smell.

Shadow: Guess whose back! It's my good friend under the pseudonym Krys!

Krys falls out of a portal. He appeared to be covered in milk and cereal.

Krys: What the hell, man?! You just bring me here when I'm eating breakfast?

Shadow: Don't blame me if you sent me questions to answer.

Krys: Oh yeah. Okay then. To Krystal: Who was your father? Who was your mother? Who was your grandmother? How did you family become royalty? Is it from your bloodline or from what something amazing that your ancestors did?

Krystal: So many questions! It burns!

She begins to have a seizure.

Shadow: Smooth move ex-lax. Why do you always ask questions with, like, at least questions in them?

Krys: 'Cause it's what I do. Just like you take an innocent little Q&A and turn it into utter chaos.

Shadow: Haha. You said udder.

Krystal returns a few minutes later.

Krystal: Alright…My father was Havoc, ruler of Cerinia. My mother was Grace. My grandmother was Sapphire-

Shadow: Oh come on! Another name of a gem?!

Krystal: My family became royalty from both the bloodline AND what my ancestors did. They lived as royalty until it was stolen away when the kingdom was attacked. They later did the same and returned our family to high rule.

By the end of the speech, the two authors, Falco, Peppy, Slippy, and the audience was asleep. Fox was beginning to nod off.

Krystal: You can all screw off.

Shadow: (A bit drowsy) You have no idea, with all the fan girls I have.

Krys: To Fox: Do you know who your grandfather is? Have you ever met your grandmother?

Fox: Yes and yes. I hated him. It was always, "James didn't raise you right!", and "If I had raised you, you would've been put through more work!" and "Fox, stop masturbating in there! I gotta go before I crap myself!" and all that noise.

Shadow: That's awesome! It's a good thing, too! I have him right here! Good 'ol Jesse McCloud!

Jesse: FOX!

Fox: EEP!

He threw himself into the audience and crouched down.

Jesse: Fox, quit masturbating in there!

The audience laughed.

Shadow: So, Jesse, anything you wanna say for us?

Jesse: Hell, yeah! You should be ashamed!

Shadow: What?!

Jesse: I know I've been hard on Fox in the past, but you've gone too far!

Fox: Yeah! Tell him, Grandpa!

Jesse: SHUT UP!

Fox: EEP!

Shadow pulls out a needle and switches to a nurse outfit.

Shadow: (In a female nurse voice) Ready to go nigh-nigh, Mr. McCloud?

Jesse: NO! Get away!

He starts running. Shadow throws the needle at him and he falls asleep.

Shadow: That takes care of that.

Falco: But what's with the nurse outfit?

Shadow: I'm trying to really seal the deal. He wouldn't have run away if I weren't dressed like this.

Falco: That's not surprising.

Shadow rips off the nurse outfit to reveal his previous outfit.

Krys: To Peppy: Someone as old as you should have seen many things. Did you meet Fox's grandparents?

Peppy: Yep. Both Jesse and Maria. I used to date Maria.

Shadow: And did anything happen?

Peppy: NO!! …Maybe…Yes…

Fox: WHAT?! You bastard!

Shadow: Did you just say mustard? I thought we were out, and I need it for this hot dog!

Krys: To Falco: No one ever really goes into your family history. Are you a crossbreed? If so, between what two birds? Who were your parents?

Falco: I'm a cross between a Macaw and a Pigeon.

Shadow: That's hysterical! A Pigeon?!

Falco: My dad had it in for less colorful birds. His name was Dick Johnson.

Krystal: You can't be serious.

Falco: It's true. He said it's what made him a ladies man. Not only that, but it was perfect for his job. He was a porn star. My mom was desperate one day and walked into a random bar. She crossed paths him, one thing led to another, and they-

Shadow: Did the do. If he was a porn star, he probably had to pay for a new bed in the private room.

Falco: They just abandoned when I was born and are more than likely doing that for every other bird they give birth to.

Shadow: Good for you that I brought them here today. Dick and Melissa Johnson, everyone!

Dick was very fat and had his stomach hanging out from underneath a tank top, and Melissa was the same weight and was smoking a cigarette.

Falco: Now I'm glad they abandoned me.

Dick: Where's the food, punk? You promised food.

Shadow: Indeed I did. Sadly, I ate it.

Dick: You son of a-

Shadow: RASENGAN!!

He blasted both of them out of the theater.

Shadow: Man, they smelled.

Krys: See ya!

He walks out the back.

Shadow: Skatepunk is here now.

Skatepunk falls through, hitting his head on a pet rock.

Skatepunk: Ow! Who left their pet rock here?!

Shadow: Who cares?! Ask the questions.

Skatepunk: To Slippy: Who's your mom? I already know who your dad is.

Slippy: Her name is Squeeky Toad.

Falco: You've gotta be kidding me!

Shadow and Fox: That is lame!

Shadow: And I can't believe I brought her here.

Squeeky: Oh, Slippy honey!

Shadow: OW! That voice makes my ears bleed, and not in the good way!

Squeeky: How's my smoofy-woofkins doing?

Everyone, including the audience threw up. Shadow opened a trapdoor that Squeeky then fell through.

Skatepunk: That was sickening.

Shadow: Yeah. I'm gonna sue her for that.

Slippy: You can't sue my mom!

Shadow: I'll sue you for saying that!

The audience cheers.

Shadow: I'LL SUE YOU ALL FOR CHEERING!

The audience boos and throws all their stuff at him. In no time, he's completely buried.

Skatepunk: Um…Okay then. To Peppy: If Lucy decided to marry Dash Bowman, what would you think about Andross being your father-in-law?

Peppy: Why would she marry him?!

Shadow: Who cares? Just answer the question!

Peppy: I would commit suicide.

Fox: That's pushing it a bit far, don't you think?

Peppy: This is Andross we're talking about.

Fox: Good point.

Skatepunk: To Krystal: Do you have any siblings?

Krystal: No, I was born an only child. Brothers and sisters are a drag.

Shadow: Hey! I have a brother and sister!

Krystal: Sucks to be you.

Shadow: Oh yeah?

He runs up and rips off her shirt and bra.

Shadow: Whoa. A lot better than I thought it would be.

While Shadow stood there receiving an erection, Fox grabbed Krystal's clothes, gave them back to her, and then began punching Shadow. Nothing happened.

Shadow: Nice try there.

He flicks Fox on the nose, and he falls backwards whining.

Shadow: Didn't think that would work. Next question!

Skatepunk: To Krystal: Did you ever think of the Cloudrunners as your family?

Krystal: …Um…Maybe…I don't know! What's with you?!

Skatepunk: What's with me?! I'm just asking questions here! It's it that much of a bother?!

Krystal: Yeah, it is!

Fox: Just say yes already.

Krystal: Fine, yes.

Skatepunk: 'Kay. That's all I needed to know. See ya!

Shadow: Don't forget to log in next time!

Skatepunk: Why does that matter?!

Shadow: It doesn't. But, hey…You shouldn't be too lazy to log in. If you're gonna be lazy, don't bother to change out of yesterday's clothes or put on some deodorant.

Peppy: Yeah, now we have to spray in here. It smells worse than Falco's room.

Fox: And that's saying something.

Falco: Hey!

Skatepunk: I don't smell that bad.

Shadow then dumps the contents of a nearby trash can on Skatepunk.

Shadow: Now you do.

Skatepunk: Whatever, I'm outta here.

Shadow: Now it's time to bring on…starfoxluver.

Starfoxluver: Good to be here!

Shadow: Yeah, yeah. Just get to the questions.

Starfoxluver: Don't rush me! To Fox: Did your dad save you from being raped? Or something like that?

Fox: That's a little sick. But…Yeah, he saved me from this one dude named Rick King.

Shadow starts looking nervous, as if he had just done something wrong.

Starfoxluver: Did you do what I think you did?

Shadow: Yep. Fox is screwed.

Rick King, a middle aged chinchilla, then walks out.

Rick: What's up, half-pint?

Fox pulls out his blaster and fires repeatedly into Rick's skull.

Shadow: …I give it a 6.7.

Starfoxluver: That was uncalled for.

Fox: He raped me as a kid!

Shadow: Yeah, we read it in "Big Whoop" magazine.

Everyone but Fox: BUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRN!

Starfoxluver: To Falco: We all know you used to be a gangster, but did your parents ever start a gang?

Falco: No. …They worked in smuggling cocaine.

Everyone else: Say what?!?!?!?!

Falco: Hey, it's better than being in a gang.

Shadow: Not really. That is why you FAIL!

Shadow throws a dodge ball at Falco and it leaves an F on his forehead backwards in paint.

Starfoxluver: Well, because of earlier, I don't get to ask my third question.

Shadow: Not my fault. Blame the reviewers.

Starfoxluver: Good point. Later!

Shadow: Next up is INUYASHA THE HALF DEMON1…Long name, I'm just gonna call him Inuyasha.

Inuyasha: Yo.

Shadow: With that kind of name, I would figure you only read and write Inuyasha stuff.

Inuyasha: With your kind of name, I'd figure you'd only read and write ninja stuff. Like Naruto.

Shadow: Get over it. Let me see your questions.

Inuyasha: But, I thought I get to ask them.

Shadow: I just want to see them for a second. YEASH!

Inuyasha hands the paper to Shadow. He skims it over, then hands it back.

Shadow: Since you're new here, I'll just say that if one of your questions was already asked, you don't get to ask it.

Inuyasha: Damn it!

Shadow: That goes for everyone else! Now, questions.

Inuyasha: Finally.

Shadow: Watch it, sticky!

Inuyasha: …O…kay? To Fox: We know your father is James McCloud but who's your mother?

Everyone looks at him with open mouths.

Shadow: How could you not know?!

Fox: Yeah, everyone knows that my mom is Vixxy McCloud. She worked with Andross before he turned maniacal.

Inuyasha: Yeah, well, if I asked that, I obviously didn't know.

Shadow: Yeah, but even though that may be true, it was still retarded of you to ask.

Inuyasha: I'd kill you if you weren't running this show.

Shadow: OOH! I'm soooooooooooooo scared!

Inuyasha takes out a sword and slices Shadow's head off. Just then, a flushing toilet could be heard and Shadow walks up a flight of stairs.

Shadow: Man, that never gets old!

Inuyasha: Damn it! …Never mind. To Falco: Do you have a brother by any chance?

Falco: I don't think so.

The others look at Shadow.

Shadow: Don't look at me! I didn't invite his brother. From my knowledge, he doesn't have one.

Inuyasha: Then what's with the rotting bird corpse in the closet?

Falco: You killed my brother?!

Shadow: No. That's someone else. I figured I could have something special for lunch today.

Krystal: That's sick!

Shadow: Who ran around Sauria with this on?

He held up a photo of Krystal in her outfit she wore on Sauria.

Krystal: Where did you get that?!

Shadow: Oh, nowhere.

He attempted to throw it, but it stuck to his hand.

Shadow: Nasty! Now that's what was on it. Fox, you blew your load all over this, didn't you?!

Krystal: It was yours?!

She then proceeds to beating Fox upside the head with a plunger.

Inuyasha: To Peppy: Do you know your parents? And if so are they still alive?

Peppy: Why wouldn't I know them?! John and Sandra Hare. And no, they're not alive.

Shadow: That didn't stop me from bringing them here.

Falco: What did you do this time?!

Shadow holds up two shrunken heads.

Shadow: TADA!!

He throws them in the audience, and the huge mass parts to get away from the two disgusting sights.

Peppy: You're a monster!

Shadow: Eh, I've been called worse.

Inuyasha: I'm outta here. Don't try and find me.

He throws a smke ball at the ground. A second later, a crash could be heard.

Inuyasha: Damn it! Who left these ice cubes on the ground?!

Slippy: I did! I love ice cube skating!

Shadow: Next is theXbeat08.

TheXbeat: Yep. Please tell me you're not gonna cut out any of my questions.

Shadow: The last two.

TheXbeat: Oh, come on!

Shadow: Well, I said "Family Ties". You were gonna ask if Falco was raped as a kid!

Falco: WHAT?!

Shadow: The same to Slippy.

Slippy: What does 'being raped' mean?

TheXbeat: Whatever. To Fox: How old were you when your parents died?

Fox: Again, how can you not know?! 18! I was 18!

Shadow: Calm down! Just because feminine odor has you down doesn't mean you can take it out on the rest of us.

Fox: You…you…

Shadow: Before you say the next word, here's some chocolate.

Fox swiped it and started eating it hungrily.

TheXbeat: To Krystal: Same as Fox.

Krystal: The same age I was when my planet was destroyed. Why does everyone ask these questions?! If everyone knows us, why don't they know already?!

Shadow: Want a muffin to calm you down?

Krystal: Yes. Yes I do.

He hands her a muffin and she eats it hungrily.

TheXbeat: Weird. You guys are weird.

Shadow: You're weird! Get out of here!

TheXbeat: I was just about to leave anyway.

Shadow: Grr…Outsmarted again. Anyway, to Hakkyou who also reviewed, this category was "Family Ties". When I call out "Omni-Inquiry", you can ask any question. Anything at all. Speaking of which, that's the next category. You can now ask any questions. Plus, I've invited Star Wolf for the next episode.

Everyone else: NO!

Shadow: So join us next time for…

Audience: Q&A Madness!

Shadow: Good night!

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As a final notice to everyone, the questions have to be within the category that is set. And so that no one gets angry at me and decides that this fic blows, I'll make it so that "Omni-Inquiry is the category every other time. If you don't like the category system, tell me. And now, I put up a poll that will decide who co hosts from chapter 3 to 5. You can't vote for yourself.

**Category: Omni Inquiry (You can ask anything you want)**

**Characters available: Fox, Krystal, Falco, Slippy, and Peppy**

**New characters for next chapter: Wolf, Panther, and Leon**

Keep impressing me!

Shadow


	3. Episode 3

Took me a while didn't it? Well, it's my longest chapter. Also had a lot of reviews to go through. Well, I can't say much 'cause it's late. So, here! BTW, you guys should read "Dusk and Dawn" by bailey1109...well, I can't remember all th numbers. Go and read it. He needs the support. Enjoy!

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Chapter 3

Shadow: Welcome back! We have special something for you guys. I've invited Star Wolf here.

Falco: No! You ass bandit!

Shadow: We visb oeihjocv.

Krystal gasped at the unknown comment Shadow made.

Falco: You can understand him?

Krystal: Yes. He's speaking in dino language.

Falco: Well, what did he say?

Krystal: You don't want to know.

Shadow: And it's funny to know he doesn't know what I said. See, I'm still laughing. Ha. Ha. Ha.

All of a sudden, three Wolfens crashed through the wall. The cockpits opened to reveal Wolf, Panther, and Leon.

Shadow: I don't see why you bother saying that. We know who the members of Star Wolf are.

Hey, don't blame me. You're the one who makes me say this.

Shadow: Note taken. Welcome, Star Wolf.

Wolf: You again?! You told us this was gonna be a job worth 100,000 credits!

Shadow: That I did…That I did. Now SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!! YOU'VE GOT QUESTIONS TO ANSWER!!

The three of them rushed to three available seats.

Shadow: Thank you. So, our first guest for today is-

Krystal: Panther! Stop touching me!

Shadow: Oh, what now?!

Fox: Panther is touching Krystal's breasts.

Panther: Panther can't help it.

Shadow: And he's speaking in third person?! Damn it.

He pulls out a magazine and hands it to Panther.

Shadow: Here. Go masturbate in the other room.

He walks to the other room that was down the stairs on the far end of the stage.

Leon: What did you give him?

Shadow: A Playboy magazine.

Wolf: You know just how to work some people.

Shadow: What can I say? It's like I run this show. Now, for questions. First up is starfoxluver!

The portal opens and starfoxluver shoots out and smacks into Falco.

Shadow: Oops. That didn't work well. Sorry, dude!

Starfoxluver: Ugh…It's okay, I guess. Just don't do it again. Now then-

Just as he was about to speak, someone else flew through the portal. It was Jake.

Jake: I got a question!

Starfoxluver: No!

Starfoxluver ran up to Shadow and started shaking him violently.

Starfoxluver: No! Don't let him do it!

Jake shoves him out of the way and looks at Shadow with big puppy dog eyes.

Jake: Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaase?

Shadow: Uh…

Jake: I'll let you make out with me.

Shadow runs over to a bucket and hurls.

Shadow: Just…Ask the question.

Jake: Yay! To Fox: Will you have sex with me?

Fox: Ugh! What is wrong with you?!

Starfoxluver: Jake, you freak! Fox don't listen to him! DONT GET INTO HIS GAYTARDINESS!

Fox: Does it look like I need a warning? No.

Jake: Aw, man! What about you, Shadow?

Shadow: Hell no! Get out of here!

He picks up Jake and throws him into the portal.

Starfoxluver: Thank you. I have always wanted to do that. See ya!

Shadow: Great. Now I have to sanitize my hands with bleach. Whatever, next is ShadowFox0324.

He falls through the portal onto a pile of grass clippings.

ShadowFox: Who put these here?!

Slippy: I did!

Shadow: Slippy…Here's a roll of duct tape.

Slippy: Oh boy!

He starts putting the tape on the floor and the chair and anything else.

Shadow: Get on with it.

ShadowFox: Ok then. To Fox: What exactly did you think when you saw Krystal for the 1st time?

Fox: Uh…well…I thought she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen.

Falco: Funny. I was expecting to hear "Homina homina homina".

Fox: Are you trying to piss me off? 'Cause it's working.

Falco: Fantastic. I'll send you the bill.

Fox throws a pillow at him.

Falco: Is that the best you can do?

Shadow: Yes, but I can do better.

He holds out a paddle.

Falco: That is very unorthodox.

Shadow: I know. That's why I'm having Peppy do it. Peppy?

Peppy: Finally. I get to teach him a lesson!

He hands him the paddle and the hare runs after Falco.

ShadowFox: To Krystal: Same thing as Fox.

Krystal: The _first_ time, I couldn't have cared less about him.

Fox: …What?

Krystal: It was different the second time.

Shadow: Ah.

ShadowFox: Love at second sight?

Shadow: Yes.

ShadowFox: Really?

Shadow: Uh-huh.

ShadowFox: Cool. To Falco: How did you and Fox meet?

Wolf: At a gay bar.

Shadow: Did he ask you?! RASENGAN!!

Wolf was sent into the rafters and he landed in the grass clippings when he fell.

Fox: We met at the academy.

Falco: We both were in our first year.

Fox: We both didn't-

Falco: -have a clue where to go. We helped-

Fox: -each other out from that-

Falco: -that day on. We were-

Fox: -practically-

Falco: -brothers.

Shadow: Looks like you have the brotherly ESP.

Fox: Say-

Falco: -what?

Shadow: You're finishing each other's sentences.

Fox: What makes you-

Falco: -say that?

Shadow: STOP IT!!

ShadowFox: Shadow: Why are you such a torturous bastard? Kidding about the bastard part.

Shadow: 'Cause I love it. It's my job here.

Krystal: I thought your job was to run this show.

Shadow: Yeah, but it's an extra. Haven't you been paying attention? I've been a torture master, and you're my slaves of comedy.

Peppy: That's horrible.

Shadow: Better than being sex slaves. You guys got the better deal.

ShadowFox: To all: What are your views on Yaoi/Yuri or whatever?

All except Slippy: Gross, that's what!

All the guys, except Slippy: But yuri's awesome.

Krystal: Ugh! That's sick!

Slippy: What's yaoi and yuri?

Shadow: Little spot in this fic where I'm gonna be not funny but serious. I actually don't get what's so hot about girl on girl, so everyone knows.

Krystal: Thank you, Shadow.

ShadowFox: To all: Favorite Type of music.

Shadow: I will listen to anything.

Fox: Rock.

Krystal: Soft rock.

Falco: Metal.

Peppy: Jazz.

Wolf: Metal.

Falco and Wolf: Hey!

They start pummeling each other.

Leon: Techno.

Slippy: Music from the Doodlebops!

Everyone but him sighs heavily.

Panther walks in, and he smells heavily of sweat and lotion.

Panther: What was the question?

ShadowFox: Favorite type of music.

Panther: …Anything to make love to someone with.

ShadowFox: Why am I not surprised? Gotta go.

Shadow: Now it's time for starfighter-105.

He walks in with a soda in his hand.

Shadow: Hey, what kind of soda is that?

Starfighter: Mountain Dew.

Shadow: Bastard.

Starfighter: To Fox: Have you ever had a motorcycle?

Fox: Back when I was in the academy.

Shadow: What happened to it?

Falco: He tried to rig his Arwing so that it could carry it.

Starfighter: I'm guessing it didn't go well.

Fox: Oh, gee. Ya think?!

Starfighter: Shut up. If I had a gun, I'd shoot you.

Shadow: Here you go.

He hands him an assault rifle.

Starfighter: Thanks.

He starts shooting Fox, who runs away as best as he could.

Starfighter: Hard to ask while I'm shooting- Die, maggot, die!- but oh, well. To Slippy: Why are you so sheltered? I mean good god, get out every once in a while. You need help, and lots of it.

Slippy: Why do I need help? I'm fine.

Starfighter: See? That's what I mean!

Fox: I figure we shouldn't bother. It's a waste of money.

Peppy: Even _I_ think so.

Shadow: Good point.

Starfighter: To Krystal: What's you home world's culture like anyway?

Krystal: It's much like the way vegetarians on Corneria are. No meat, just veggies, and we had different believes of what happened at certain points in our live. We also dabbled a tad bit in fortune telling and…

Everyone was snoring.

Krystal: WAKE UP!!

Everyone but Krystal: WAH!!

Shadow (yawning): Sorry Krystal. We kinda get the point.

Krystal: At least it wasn't a total waste of time then.

Starfighter: To Falco: Do you still consider yourself a hippie?

Falco: …What the hell? Why do you think I'm a hippie? 'Cause I don't do LSD's and other crap like that.

Slippy: Hey guys! I found a whole bunch of blue candy in Falco's bag!

Slippy started eating them, and everyone but him realized they were LSD's.

Shadow: You were saying?

Falco: Damn it.

Starfighter: To Fox: Would you challenge me to a shooting contest? We'll use Falco as a moving target. First to hit at least him thirty times buys the other a case a beer.

Fox: I thought no one would ask!

The two pull out their blasters. Falco looks at each of them and runs. The shooting goes on for ten minutes until Starfighter gets his thirtieth hit.

Fox: So worth it.

He hands him a case of beer.

Shadow: Makes me seem a little out of the group being that I'm not of legal age to drink yet.

Starfighter: To Falco: Did that hurt?

Starfighter was laughing hysterically.

Falco: What do you think, douchebag?!

Starfighter: Glad to know you're taking SO well. Lighten up, at least you're still alive. To Krystal: When you first shot a firearm, did the recoil of it bash you in the face?

Krystal: Actually, it went into my mouth.

Falco: And you wouldn't believe the shape of the handle.

Starfighter: Then what was it?

Falco: Let's just say it was cylinder like and came to a small head.

Shadow: Hmm…You didn't enjoy it very much, did you?

Krystal: Wasn't the worst thing.

Starfighter: Take the hint, Fox. Gotta go!

He walks through the portal. Out comes someone else.

Shadow: Hey, I didn't introduce you! Um…ankhwuff? What kind of name is that?

Ankhwuff: Does it really matter?

Shadow: Not really, but I'm still pissed off about it.

Ankhwuff: Oh well. To Wolf, Panther, Fox and Falco: What type of underwear do each of you prefer, and what type are you wearing now? Full descriptions of color, brand and style.

Fox: Uh…Boxers, colored red from Hanes.

Falco: Boxers, black from Fruit of the Loom.

Panther: Boxer briefs, gray from Fruit of the Loom.

Wolf: I don't wear underwear.

Everyone else: Ugh! Nasty!

Wolf: Hey, he/she is the one who asked.

Ankhwuff: True. I'm outta here.

Shadow: Honestly that was the most unorthodox question I've heard. And I hate it when I can't tell what their gender is. Oh well. Next is KrissFizz.

KrissFizz: Yo! Am I the only one who revealed their age?

Shadow: Yeah…I wonder why the others didn't…

KrissFizz: To Shadow: What are yours most sadistic or perverted thought about the member of StarFox and StarWolf? And please do tell about it or better jet, DO THEM! But only the sadistic part with Slippy and Leon (If you want to know I HATE reptiles)

Shadow: …If I had any perverted thought about anyone of these freaks, it would be to Krystal.

Krystal: WHAT?!

Shadow: I mean, look at her! For an anthro, she is HOT! My perverted thought might be along the lines of her spreading whip cream over my-

The screen goes to static and reemerges to a picture of flowers. It says "Technical difficulties". It's only displayed for a second, then displays Shadow talking.

Shadow: -licking it off slowly.

Krystal: I would never give you oral sex!

Shadow: Oh, great. I put up the "technical difficulties" sign for a reason! Krystal, you owe me a cookie.

KrissFizz: To Krystal: What do you think about being paired with humans in some fics? Some romance and some sexuality? You know, where you have sex with the humans.

Krystal: …Um…I wasn't aware…

Shadow: Wow, I really forgot to tell you guys a lot.

Krystal: Why didn't you tell me?!

Shadow: 'Cause I was wrapped up in a pity sandwich.

Everyone but Krystal: BUUURRRRNNN!

KrissFizz: To Fox: Have you ever being on human internet and look up porn about Krystal, Miyu Lynx, Fay Spaniel , Katt Monroe or Fara Phoenix?

Fox: Um…We don't get human internet.

KrissFizz: Here.

He hands him a labtop. Fox's eyes widen instantly, and he gets up and begins walking.

Fox: I'm, uh…gonna go, uh…in the…other room.

Shadow: What is with you?

KrissFizz: …I don't know. To Krystal: What do you think or want to do with all the porn of you on the human Internet? Or better yet, did you know about it?

Krystal: I know about it because of you. I WANT TO DESTROY IT!!

Shadow: Can I have a say in this? You can't destroy it all, because other sites are gonna provide it.

Krystal: Damn it, damn it, damn it…

KrissFizz: To Panther: How long does a relationship with a gal (*talking under breath* or boy, hear you was bi) you hock up last?

Panther: Why should Panther say?

Shadow: 'Cause Shadow says you should.

Panther: It'll last usually around half a year.

KrissFizz: Okay, so who's the guy you're hooked up with now?

Panther: Say what?

KrissFizz: Oh, nothing. To Wolf: I have read some where you and Fox are a couple and do some m/m stuff. Have you read some off them? Because your rivalry and kill Fox, almost look like a desperate way to get close to him.

Wolf and Fox: What?!

Shadow: Uh…dude. Let me talk to you in private.

They walk over to the corner.

Shadow (whispering): They're not gay here.

KrissFizz: What?

Shadow: Yeah…But to answer your question, they haven't read any and in any yaoi thing of them, it is a desperate attempt.

KrissFizz: Got it.

They walk back.

KrissFizz: Well, I gotta go. And don't worry, we will meet again when you guys die. Which…uh…

He takes out a black notebook and flips through the pages a bit. He then looks at them nervously.

KrissFizz: Um…Are some weeks from now. See ya!

He walks through the portal with evil laughter.

Shadow: I'm sure he's just kidding…Ugh…Next is Skatepunk.

Skatepunk trips through the portal.

Skatepunk: Damn it! Who left the wiring by the portal?!

Shadow: Wasn't me! It was the up doc.

Skatepunk: What the hell is up doc?

Shadow: Nothing! What the hell is up with you?!

Wolf: Lame!

Shadow: Big whoop, I'm running this show! On with questions! And with that, I return to my pie.

He sits down and starts eating a full sized pie.

Slippy: Pie! I want pie!

He runs at Shadow. Shadow starts running away in circles around the edge of the stage.

Shadow: Just ask the questions! Don't worry about me! GET AWAY, YOU SLIMY BEAST!

Skatepunk: …Um…Ah, forget it. To StarWolf: Have you ever done the bunny position? If so, who did you do it with?

Wolf: About every other chick I nail.

Panther: Same for Panther.

Leon: …

Fox: C'mon, Leon. Aren't gonna answer?

Falco: Yeah, who did you do the bunny position with?

Leon: …No one…

Skatepunk: Why am I not surprised?

Leon: It's not that obvious!

Krystal: Yes, it is. Anyone who has scales doesn't really attract someone without them.

Leon: It's not my fault!

He runs down stairs crying.

Skatepunk runs over to the stairs and shouts down them.

Skatepunk: Hey Leon! Do you know anyone who can fire a giant laser from their mouth by saying "IM A FIRIN MAH LAZER!"?

Leon: NO! PISS OFF!

Skatepunk: Yeash. Touchy. To Slippy: How long is your tongue?

Slippy: Really long! See?

He pulls out his tongue, and it coils up in from of him.

Slippy: Here, catch!

He throws it at Skatepunk, and it hits his eye.

Skatepunk: OW! Slippy!

Slippy: What?

He rolls his tongue back in his mouth.

Skatepunk: Hey, have some candy.

He tosses a small blue candy-like item at Slippy.

Skatepunk: But you have to eat it downstairs and stay down there until I say.

Slippy: Okay.

He walks downstairs.

Peppy: What did you give him?

Skatepunk: You'll find out soon enough.

Shadow: Thanks for stopping Slippy.

Skatepunk: No prob. To Krystal: Do you have any "dirty" thoughts about Fox?

Krystal: No!

Shadow: I beg to differ.

He holds up a purple journal with "Krystal's diary" written across the front.

Krystal: Hey! Don't read that!

Shadow: Read it? Okay! 'Dear diary, Today I spied on Fox in the shower. He was jacking off madly. He's so big! Oh, I just want him to shove his boner in my mouth balls deep!" Oh, you are just weird.

Krystal: I told you not to read it!

Shadow: You lied, by the way. I'm pretty sure Fox is about the size of a twelve-year-old.

Fox: What, have you been spying on me, too?!

Shadow: No, but I found this ruler with markings on it. The largest one was four inches.

Fox: …

Skatepunk: Weak. To Falco: Can you fly?

Falco: I…don't really know.

Shadow: Let's see!

He grabs Falco and jumps up to the rafters. He lets go of Falco, and Falco…falls on Wolf without even trying to fly. Shadow then jumps back down.

Shadow: You little douche. First you don't even try to fly, and now you want to dry hump Wolf.

Wolf: Get off!!

Falco: Why'd you drop me from the rafters?!

Shadow: 'Cause it's FUN!

Skatepunk: Peppy: Since you're a bunny, did you ever do the bunny position with your wife, Vivian?

Peppy: Yes, of course. In fact-

The screen goes to static and then shows a bowl of mashed potatoes.

Shadow: We at "Q&A Madness" feel that you don't want to hear an old rabbit's description of sex. Please enjoy this picture of mashed potatoes.

After ten minutes the screen cuts back to Peppy, who was just finishing his speech.

Peppy: -suffered from rug burn on her face.

Everyone looked horrified.

Shadow: …That would've been more enjoyable if someone much younger described it…like me!

Skatepunk: To Fox: What is the most annoying question anyone could ask you?

Fox: All the damn questions are annoying! Why do we have to do this?!

Shadow: Because you signed the cookie deal. For every question you answer, you get a cookie. And I owe you, so you get…about forty cookies.

He throws him a bag of cookies.

Fox: Oh, boy!

He starts pigging out.

Skatepunk: Krystal: If you're a telepath, then can you read someone's sexual desires?

Krystal: Yes. It's very enjoyable sometimes.

Shadow: Oh, really? Try and read mine.

Krystal concentrates for a moment, then starts screaming.

Krystal: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! What is wrong with you?!

Shadow: Those aren't my sexual desires! That's my idea of what a hippopotamus turned inside out looks like.

Krystal: It's still grotesque.

Shadow: Well…NO ONE ASKED YOU!!

Skatepunk: To Shadow: Would you do Timid if given the chance?

Shadow: …I don't know. But she might not like you asking that. When she hears that, you're in for it.

Skatepunk: OOH! I'm SO scared! See ya!

Shadow: …He's dead. He's totally dead.

Slippy (from downstairs): What's happening?! My thingy's all stiff!

Leon: What was in that candy you gave him?

Skatepunk: It wasn't candy. It was Viagra.

Shadow: There's seriously something wrong with you.

Skatepunk: Same with your mom.

Shadow: What?!

Skatepunk: Nothing. See ya!

Shadow: …That little… Up next is KrzyKrn K!

The crowd cheers as KrzyKrn K falls through the portal with a soda and a piece of pizza.

Krys: HEY! What the fuck was that for? I was watching the Hawks game...They were beating the Celtics too... Must you have to open portals everywhere and drop us all?! GAWD, I'm sick and tired of this crap!

He throws the soda into the crowd and stuffs the pizza in his mouth. He chews it ravenously and swallows. After taking a few deep breaths, he calms down.

Krys: OK I'm cool now... Let's move on with the questions.

Shadow: Good. You're scaring me.

Krys: …I'm gonna let that one slide. …Or not!

He kicks Shadow in the crotch and he falls over in pain. All of Star Fox cheers and gives Krys high fives.

Krys: To Krystal: What is your bust?

Krystal: I don't really know. Fox always just gave me whatever pair he could get his hands on. …They're always a bit tight, though.

Krys: Wait…You gave her bras that were too small?

Fox: So what?

Shadow: You're keeping her tighter than Falco before a prostate exam.

Falco: It's not my fault if they have to probe around in my ass!

Krys: To Fox: What condom size do you use?

Shadow: Why do you want to know?

Krys: It's random, okay? I had too many Amps.

Krystal: It's a round a small.

Fox: No, it's not! If anything it's at least a medium, if not a large.

Wolf: Look what I found.

He holds up a package of condoms that read extra small.

Fox: …Damn it… My pride…

Krys: To Krystal: Have you ever had to use birth control pills?

Krystal: Yes.

Krys: Why?

Falco: 'Cause Fox got tired of her flipping out when she was on her period.

Krystal: Hey!

Fox: It's true.

Krystal: Fox!

Fox: I've been shamed for my manhood. Be ashamed for your birth control and feminine odor.

Krys: To Panther: What was the longest time that you've ever lasted in bed?

Panther: Long time.

Wolf: I have a record of the timings.

Everyone but Wolf: Say what?!

Wolf: Yeah. I hooked a security camera in his room and timed how long he lasted in bed.

Shadow: Well, how long was the longest time?

Wolf: Let's see… five minutes, twenty-four seconds.

Falco: That is sad.

Panther: …Panther knows… Panther's gonna go masturbate.

He walks downstairs.

Shadow: Did he have to tell us?

Krys: Well, he just did. Maybe he does. Well, since you've kept track of how long he's lasted Wolf, with whom did he last the longest?

Wolf: His pillow.

Krys: That's REALLY sad.

Panther walks back up the stairs and takes a seat.

Shadow: Back already?

Panther: Yep.

Shadow: Okay, this is so pathetic, it's nauseating.

Krys: To Wolf: WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I THREW PAPER AIRPLANES AT YOU!?

Wolf: You'd better not!

Krys throws about two dozen paper airplanes at him. He squeals like a girl and jumps into the audience. Once he gets back in his chair, everyone is laughing. Slippy, who returned a few seconds before, did so too.

Wolf: Laugh it up. At least I don't throw soda into the audience.

Krys holds up another paper airplane.

Wolf: EEP!

Krys: To Falco: Hey, I'm eating some KFC...want some? It's deep-fried!

Falco: Sure.

He takes a leg and starts eating. He stops after the first bite to look at it.

Falco: JEFF! NO!!

Krys: Mwahahahahahaha!

Shadow: That's what I can 'maniacal'.

Krys: To Slippy: Hey I'm eating some frogs legs...want some? It's also deep-fried!

Slippy: No thanks. I'm not hungry.

Fox: You do realize what frog's legs are, right?

Slippy: Yeah! They're yummy!

Shadow: Slippy's a cannibal! That is the only thing that is remotely interesting about him.

Krys: To Peppy: Hey you want some of this rotisserie style rabbit? It's slow cooked over a bone fire!

Peppy: You monster! If I had a bottle of castor oil…

Shadow: Really old method, but I got it. Here.

He hands him a bottle of castor oil. Peppy takes out a spoon and walks over to Krys.

Peppy: Time for payment.

Krys: No.

He slaps the castor oil out of his hands and spits in his face. Peppy stands there for a moment.

Peppy: That was sick.

Krys: Just sit down. To Fox: What would you do/say if I were to bust in on you while you were making love to Krystal?

Fox: …Ugh! So many choices! My head hurts!

Krystal: I would just slap you.

Shadow: Ooh, tha's cold, brah.

Krys: To Krystal: What would you do if you saw a camera recording you while you were in the shower?

Krystal: I'd find the pervert who was watching and kill him!

Panther and Shadow: …

Krys: To Everyone: What would you guys do if I turned into a zombie and began to savagely rampage Corneria city by infecting all those nearby me, who will in turn begin to infect others around them and so on and so forth.

Fox: We'd go after you with countless weapons.

Wolf: We wouldn't care.

Shadow: I'd grab a chair and some popcorn.

Krys: To Shadow: STOP STRING AT KRYSTAL'S ASS!

Shadow: …Oh, I'm sorry. What was that? I was too busy staring at Krystal's ass.

Krystal: What?! You'd better stop.

Shadow: Okay, I'll stare at your breasts instead.

Krystal: …Grr…

Krys: To director: Can I meet you?

The director (over the intercom): Yes.

Krys: To Director: In private?

The director: Um…sure.

Krys walks down the stairs and into a room. The director switches on the intercom so everyone can hear.

Krys: To director: So how do you think the show is going?

The director: Pretty good. Kinda wanted a little more physical comedy going, but I'll talk to Shadow.

Krys: Hmm, yes. To director: Need any assistance with the show?

The director: Not really, but you might be on the show.

Krys: Really?

The director: Yes, the poll so far has you in the lead.

Krys: Cool. Thanks.

Krys walks back up the stairs.

Krys: To Krystal: What is your darkest fantasy?

Krystal: mumble mumble Penises mumble mumble Every hole mumble mumble.

Krys: To Fox: What is YOUR darkest fantasy?

Fox: Um…school girls in uniforms…

Shadow: Beg pardon?

Fox: Yeah…They want it bad…

Krys: Okay, stop before you get a boner.

Fox: Too late.

Krys: To Panther: What is your darkest fantasy?

Panther: Lots of whip cream and fourteen-year-olds.

Krys: You're messed up in the head.

Panther: Shadow's the one who's messed up.

Krys: That's true, but we're talking about you right now.

Shadow: Hey! Just get on with the questions.

Krys: To Wolf: What is yo- Aw never mind, I don't want to know yours...

Wolf: Good, 'cause I wasn't gonna tell ya.

Krys: …You're persistent. I must throw a pie at you.

Wolf: Lame.

Krys holds up a pie thirteen feet in diameter and throws it at Wolf.

Wolf: Mff! Mff!

Krys: Watch your language! To Shadow: What is your darkest fantasy?

Shadow: You don't want to know.

Krys: Tell me.

Shadow: I can't. It's so 'dark' I can't see it.

Krys: You mean…

Shadow: No, I mean I can't see in pitch black. That's how dark it is.

A comedy drum roll sounds.

Krys: To Krystal: Hey how about you and me and Fox and Shadow all go on a lil ride to a good tasting restaurant?

Shadow: I'm game.

Fox and Krystal: …No…

Krys: C'mon! It'll be fun! You can order Cajun…fox…stew!

Fox and Krystal: EEP!

Krys: See ya!

The audience cheers him as he leaves.

Shadow: Alright. Here on his second debut is…Well, like last time, we'll just call him Inuyasha.

He jumps out of the portal rock star style, but the audience is silent.

Inuyasha: Screw you guys. To Fox: Do you like being the leader of the Star Fox team and do you hate Slippy?

Fox: Yes and yes.

Slippy: Why do you hate me?

Silence.

Shadow: Wow. Isn't that the easiest question to answer?

Inuyasha: To Slippy: Why are you so useless?

Slippy: I'm not useless! Right, guys?

The team either coughs or whistles.

Slippy: …Guys? …

Inuyasha: To Peppy: Do you miss James McCloud at all?

Peppy: Of course. He was a good man.

Shadow: Gay.

Peppy: Damn you and your youth.

Shadow: Damn you and your old person flatulence.

Inuyasha: To Falco: What planet are you from?

Falco: Corneria. Everyone knows that.

Shadow: Everyone but him.

Falco: Well, at least that's where I've lived most of my life.

Shadow: Honestly, can't you make up your mind?

Falco: I just did, genius.

Shadow: …Rasengan.

Falco gets blown downstairs. He walks back up a minute later.

Falco: I'm getting really pissed off.

Shadow: Join the club. We've got T-shirts and keychains.

Slippy: Can I join?!

Shadow: No, you mentally disordered wart factory.

Slippy: Yeah, well you're a boogerhead. Ha!

Everyone looks at him with concerned looks on their faces.

Shadow: Just…Ask another question.

Inuyasha: To Krystal: Are you and Fox dating?

Fox: Is he gonna keep asking questions that everyone knows the answer to?

Shadow: I think so.

Krystal: We are. Everyone knows we've been in love since the Sauria crisis.

Everyone but Shadow and Inuyasha: What?!

Krystal and Fox: Huh?

Peppy: We didn't know that.

Wolf: You never let us in on anything.

Falco: That's 'cause you're our archenemy. Oh, and you're a bunch of douches.

Wolf: No, only these two are.

Panther and Leon: Hey!

Inuyasha: To Wolf: Why do you always lose to Fox and his team?

Wolf: Because they cheat.

Fox: We cheat? What is this, a game on the playground?

Wolf: Well, we never won once. By now, we should've! There's no other explanation.

Shadow: The great leader of Star Wolf, reduced to excuses of cheating.

Wolf: What would you do?!

Shadow: Kick their asses, not sit around and whine.

Wolf: …Damn you…

Inuyahsa: To Panther: Why do you always refer yourself in the third person when you talk?

Panther: Because that's what Panther does.

Shadow: It's also the last thing Panther's gonna say when Shadow shoves this over-sized cucumber up his ass.

Panther: …

Inuyasha: To Leon: Why do you always say Annoying Bird I'm the Great Leon?

Leon: HE IS AN ANNOYING BIRD, AND I'M THE GREAT LEON!!! ANNOYING GUEST, BOW DOWN BEFORE THE GREAT LEON!!!

Shadow: I'll show you 'Great Leon'.

He slaps him with a steak.

Leon: Why did you slap me with a steak?

Shadow (In a Napoleon Dynamite voice): 'Cause I'm out of salmon, why do ya think?

Inuyasha: Time for me to go. See ya.

Shadow: Sayonara. Next in line is HaloEvangelion03. We'll just call him Halo.

Halo steps through the portal.

Halo: A little obvious, my actions are easy to predict Announcer Guy.

…Shut up.

Halo: To Peppy and Slippy: You know those twin plasma lasers that the Arwings get after going through two of those laser upgrade-things in the air? Why don't the Arwings have that as a standard instead of having to pick up the upgrade mid-fight?

Peppy: I never thought about that. I really never had a say in it. Slippy, care to explain?

Slippy: I thought it would be fun to catch them!

Shadow: That is stupid!

Slippy: You're stupid! My ideas are awesome!

Shadow: You don't know how far you are from the truth.

Halo: To Shadow: Why didn't you use that question I had last time for the clone that involved the gattling gun. I understand if you couldn't include it, it is/was YOUR show after all, I'm just curious.

Shadow: 'Cause I didn't want to reveal that the Slippy in "That Whole Q&A Trip" was a clone. It happened the same night everyone fell asleep in "Truth, Dare, or Strip". And even if I just made the clone act normal, you think that guy would use a gattling gun?

He pointed at Slippy, who was using the Playdoh hair maker to give himself green and blue hair.

Halo: Man, you're right. To Krystal: Why'd ya' wear that loincloth thing on Sauria? I mean, couldn't you have found something warmer, cause I'm pretty sure that riding a Cloundrunner, at speed, at that altitude, in the rain, had to have been cold, and I wouldn't be surprised if that crystal was also cold.

He chuckles a bit when he said crystal.

Halo: You're right Shadow. It is funny. 'Krystal', 'crystal'. By the way, sorry about the tail ring joke from before. Didn't realize it would be answered like that.

Krystal: No harm done. I wore it because there was nothing else to wear!

Fox: …Uh…That's not true. I saw a lot of fur coats there.

Krystal: What?! You've got to be kidding me!

Fox: It's true.

Krystal: Why didn't you tell me?!

Fox: Well, you never asked.

Falco: And he didn't want to lose his stiffy.

Halo: To Wolf: Why were there so many guys at your outpost, I don't remember there being any women there at all, and I'm sure there are women with the skills you need an all.

Shadow: Sounds pretty gay to me.

Wolf: Well, I don't think the same way you do.

Krystal: What are you saying?

Timid and Jenna walk through the portal.

Timid and Jenna: Yeah, what does that mean?

Shadow: Timid? Jenna? What are you doing here?

Timid: I figured we'd make an early entrance.

Shadow: Ah.

Wolf: Women are weak, that's what I mean.

The three women start pummeling Wolf. Once they're done, their knuckles are bloody.

Wolf: Ugh…

Halo: I'm not sticking around for any more girl power. Bye!

He runs through the portal.

Shadow: Wimp. Well, they're already here, so give it up for Timid and Jenna!

The crowd is then in an uproar.

Shadow: Better than Krys's. Nice job.

Timid: Thank you. To Panther: If you've read Forbidden Lynx, what do you think?

Panther: I'm not much of a 'in love' romancer, but it was good.

Wolf: He likes it 'cause he can actually last in it.

Panther: Shut up!

Shadow: He stopped talking in third person, finally!

Timid: To all: If you've read The Timid Interviews, what do you think?

All except the authors and Jenna: It's better than his!

Shadow: What?!

Peppy: You torture us in this, and Timid is much nicer!

Shadow: There are some people who should just stick their head in a microwave and set it on high.

Jenna: To Fox and Krystal: What is THE dodgiest thing you 2 have EVER done to each other?

Fox: Oh boy, let's see… I can't just pick any one… We did the handcuffs and paddle thing… We did the bunny position…

Timid: Good ol' bunny position.

They resumed naming off the different acts they did for about five minutes.

Krystal: We did the whip cream blow job… A lot of other things.

Shadow was writing down on a notepad with a few pages filled. Timid nudged him with her elbow.

Shadow: Huh? Wha-? Oh, right. Next question!

Jenna: To Katt and Falco: Same as Fox and Krystal.

Shadow: Katt's not here, just so ya know. I'll invite her next time.

Falco: It's the nastiest thing ever. You don't want to know.

Shadow: Whisper it to me.

Shadow walked up and Falco whispered something to him. Shadow's eyes widened and he wrote something else on his notepad.

Shadow: That is THE weirdest thing ever…but it's genius.

Timid once again nudged him, but this time in the nuts.

Shadow: Why are you nudging me?! Why?!

Timid: It's fun.

Jenna: To Panther: I hear Miyu's having a quiet say in, dressed scantily, but is willing to invite you. Are you gonna go? Cuz I have her address here.

Panther: The girl I fall in love with in Forbidden Lynx? Give it here.

Jenna hands him the number.

Shadow (whispering to Jenna): That won't last long.

Jenna (Also whispering): I know, I just want to see him get slapped. I set up some cameras.

Shadow: Can I watch?

Jenna: Sure.

Timid: To Shadow: I am REALLY sorry that I haven't reviewed until now. I can make up for it!

Shadow (blushing slightly): Why do I get the feeling this will be enjoyable?

Jenna: To Shadow: Do you think that Timid may have a crush on you, the way she's been acting?

Everyone but Jenna and Timid: Well, DUH!!

Shadow: It's obvious. Even the fans know. Right?

The audience cheers and whistles. Timid blushes.

Shadow: Continue!

Timid: (Blushing) To Wolf: Who is your crush/girlfriend or boyfriend/wife or husband/sexual partner?

Wolf: I'm single.

Shadow and Timid: Why am I not…sur…prised?

They look at each other.

Shadow and Timid: Hmm. Weird.

Wolf: No women, remember?

Shadow: Ah. That's not so bad. Better than being gay…Then again, we haven't ruled that out yet.

Wolf: If anyone's gay, it's you.

Shadow: HELLO! Timid.

Wolf: Damn you and your comebacks.

Timid: To Leon: Same as to Wolf.

Shadow: I think that answers itself…No one.

Timid: Wonder why I asked…To Panther: Same as to Leon.

Panther: I don't do relationships.

Wolf: He gets in bed with a girl, five minutes or less later he's out of there.

Panther puts his face in his hands.

Shadow: Poor little boner baby.

Jenna: To everyone: Who here is willing to have sex with me?

Panther's hand shoots up immediately, followed by Leon, Wolf, and then Peppy.

Fox: Peppy?!

Peppy: What? Even an old geezer like me has needs.

Shadow: Then you need a Playsenior magazine.

Timid: To all carnivores: How do you like your steak cooked?

Carnivores: Medium rare.

Timid: All of you?

Carnivores: Yep.

Wolf: With garlic sautéed onions.

Shadow: Way to individualize.

Timid: To Shadow: Umm... C-could... Could I have another kiss?

Shadow: Sure, why not?

Timid jumps at Shadow and they tumble down the stairs. The rest could hear muffled moaning. After about six minutes, they walked back with their hair matted a bit. Their clothes were also ruffled and they were panting a bit.

Timid: I was only hoping for a quick kiss.

Shadow: So, you're saying you didn't like it?

Timid: That's not it at all. I got more than I bargained for, that's all.

Jenna: To Timid: So got a crush on him.

Timid: To Jenna: No I don't!

Jenna: To Timid and Shadow: (singing) Timid and Shadow, sittin' in a tree.

Doing what they shouldn't be.

First comes lurve.

Then comes marriage.

Then comes the baby in the baby carriage!

Timid: To Jenna: STOP IT!

Shadow: Nice having you two on the show.

Timid and Jenna: Thanks! Bye!

They begin walking but Shadow closes the portal.

Shadow: Wait. You can stay if you want.

Timid and Jenna: Yay!

They group hug Shadow, who blushes slightly. The others laugh a bit. Shadow flashes the Rasengan and they stop. Once the two sit down, Shadow opens the portal again.

Shadow: Alright, next up is…Grr…Shakespear's entourage, aka Shaky.

Shaky runs through with a sword and attempts to hit Shadow. He pulls out a larger sword and the two clash.

Timid: Shaky! We've been over this, don't kill him when you're on his or my show!

Shaky growls and puts his sword away. Shadow follows suit.

Shadow: Okay, I believe you're here to ask them something?

Shaky: Yes. To Wolf: Have you ever been laid?

Wolf: Many, many times.

Shadow: Receiver.

Wolf: What?!

Shadow: You heard me, O'Donnel!

Shaky: To Panther: What do you think of your role in timid vulpine's forbidden lynx?

Panther: We've gone through this already.

Shaky: They have?

Timid and Shadow nod their heads.

Shaky: Damn it. To Shadow: I use improved Rasengan with all natures and author powers that are supreme.

Shadow: Improved Rasengan nothing. I have a Rasengan that's at least twelve stories high. And everyone has supreme author powers, what makes yours so special?

Shaky: Damn it. I just can't win today! To Krystal: Here.

He hands her a cookie.

Krystal: Thanks, I'm starving.

She eats it ravenously in seconds. Everyone stares at her wide-eyed.

Krystal: What? I'm hungry.

Shaky: That's all I have. I'm watching you, Shadow. I'll defeat you yet.

He walks through the portal.

Shadow: Blah blah blah. We'll just see. Last, but probably not least, is VegetaHyuuga. We'll just call him Vegeta.

Vegeta walks through the portal and looks around.

Vegeta: So, this is it?

Shadow: Yep.

Vegeta: …Whatever. To Fox: Do you play Guitar Hero?

Fox: Yep. We just got "World Tour" a few days ago.

Falco: He plays on Beginner.

Fox: Shut up!

Faloc: Yeah, he threw tantrums when he lost on easy, and now he gets three star on most of the beginner songs.

Shadow: Oh man, that's lame. I've almost beaten career on hard.

Fox: So what? Guitar Hero isn't the most important thing.

Shadow: Yeah, but you still suck at it.

Vegeta: To Wolf: What is your favorite music?

Wolf: Like I said before, Metal.

Falco: Same with me, you poseur!

Wolf: It's not my fault you go where the awesome go!

Shadow: Hey! Kids, you both have terrible taste in music.

Vegeta: To Krystal: What is your favorite drink?

Krystal: Crystal Light.

Shadow starts laughing.

Shadow: I'm sorry, but get it? Another name with 'crystal'.

Vegeta: I'm gonna go.

He walks through the portal.

Timid and Jenna: See ya!

Before Timid leaves, Shadow pulls her in for another kiss. They break and she leaves giggling.

Shadow: So, that's it for tonight's show. Next episode, Katt Monroe will be joining us. Put in some questions for her. And the poll is settled. The guest who will be co-hosting will be intorduced next time. So, tune in next time for…

Audience: Q&A Madness!

Shadow: Good night!


	4. Episode 4

_Disclaimor: I don not own Star Fox or any of it's affiliations. I also do not own anything of Ozzy Osbourne or Guitar Hero. _

_I tries putting the Announcer Guy in italics, but my connection cut off before I could save it and it wouldn't let me back on. Just try and differentiate from the two, especially during the two songs at the end._

_

* * *

_

Episode 4

Falco: I thought there was gonna be a category for every-

Shadow: -episode, yes. But I scrapped it. I don't think people liked it.

Falco: Surprised anyone likes what you do.

Shadow: …Katt will be here soon, and I think I have a little surprise for her.

Falco: You… If you sleep with her, I'll kill you!

Shadow: No, no. It's something else.

Suddenly, the Cat's Paw breaks through the window and Katt gets launched to the stage. Shadow catches her.

Katt: Thanks. Falco, you could learn something from him.

Shadow: Yeah, Falco. Or should I say, Mr. Dildo?

Falco: Huh?

Shadow puts Katt down and snaps his fingers. A vibrating dildo replaces Falco.

Shadow: Go ahead, Katt.

Katt runs up and grabs it and runs downstairs.

Krystal: She just got here and you keep her from answering from questions?

Shadow: Yep.

Peppy: Why?

Shadow: 'Cause I feel like it, foo'! Now, for special guest number two!

_The portal opens and Krys walks through with a fancy white tux on. The crowd cheers loudly at their co-host._

Shadow: A tux? What gives?

Krys: Well, you're wearing a black robe, a belt with a sword on it around your waist, another belt around your chest and hip with two other swords on your back, and a black headband. What gives?

Shadow: It looks cool.

Krys: Maybe that's my reason too.

Shadow: …Touché.

Fox: What?! A co-host?! You can't annoy us on your own?!

Shadow: I can, I just want someone else to join in the fun. Now, for questions. Now, he wanted to be in episode 3, but we couldn't pull it 'cause of the budget. Damn announcer guy and his drugs. So, here in episode 4 is bailey11095033, bailey for short.

Bailey walks through the portal. Attached to his leg was a bear trap.

Shadow: Um…

Bailey: Long story. To Wolf: How did you lose your eye?

Wolf: …Grr…

Bailey: Speak up!

Shadow: He lost his eye back in school from a paper airplane.

Bailey: Oh, that's lame!

Krys: I know! That's what we thought back when Hakkyou was running this with Shadow.

Bailey: To Krystal: Who made Cerinia go boom?

Krystal: I don't know. All I know is that I'm going to kill him!

Shadow looks the other way and whistles a bit.

Bailey: To Panther: Why did you start talking in third person in StarFox Command?

Panther: Because I felt like it. Plus, I had to practice it for foreplay.

Wolf: It doesn't help him stay longer though.

Panther: Go screw yourself.

Wolf: Don't have to, I get more hot tail than you do.

Panther starts crying. The three authors look scared.

Bailey: …Well, that's all I got for now. See ya, Shadow!

He jumps through the portal.

Shadow: You gotta read his fic, dude.

Krys: Must you force me into everything?

Shadow: No, but you ought to read his fic. Same goes to all of you who are tuning in! Next is KrissFizz!

He steps through, and a few people cheer.

KrissFizz: I'm already that famous?

Shadow: You must be. Everyone watches this!

KrissFizz: True.

Krys: Um…What's with the dead body and the blood and the scythe?

KrissFizz: Oh…It's nothing, just my job.

He throws the scythe and body down the stairs.

KrissFizz: To Krystal: In-between your legs, your fur are white right?

Krystal: Um…Why?

Shadow: Wait, wait. How do you know?

Kriss: When she was in the crystal-

He chuckles at the joke.

Kriss: -you can use the binoculars to see.

Shadow: Well, let's check.

_He slams his hand to the ground and the two disappear. They appear in the Krazoa temple with the giant_ _Krystal. Shadow pulls out the binoculars, he looks between her legs and…_

Shadow: Hey, the areas between her legs are white!

Kriss: What'd I tell ya? Let's head back, Fox is heading this way.

Sure enough, he was.

Shadow: Man, he's ugly this time around.

Kriss: Yep.

Shadow slams his fist down and they go back to the stage.

Shadow: It's true. Looks good on you Krystal.

Krystal: Pervert.

Shadow: Timid doesn't seem to think so.

Kriss: To Fox: Can I get back the laptop you used last time?

Fox: Sure. Here.

Kriss: Ew! It's all sticky!

Fox: Yeah…Sorry 'bout that.

Kris: Eh… Shadow?

Shadow: I'm on it. Rasengan!

Fox is launched out into the crowd, where they try and rip off any bit of clothing as a souvenir.

Kriss: That's what you get, you masturbating bastard! To Fox and Wolf: I dare or want some answer after you two have read The Pattern on that. Okay every reader I advice you never read it, trust me I know what I talk about.

He points to his laptop and has Fox read it.

Fox: What the crap?! I have sex with my dad?!

Kriss: Yeah, mortifying ain't it?

Fox goes over to the bucket and throws up.

Shadow: Maybe that question was a bit too extreme.

Kriss, Krys, and Shadow all look at each other.

All three: Naw!

Kriss: To Wolf: Since I am pretty sadistic as you can see. And I want answer that some other don't want to know. So the question is: What is your darkest fantasy?

Wolf: A lot of blood seeping from a woman's mouth as I-

Shadow: Whoa, whoa, I think we get the picture!

Wolf: Don't blame me, he asked.

Kris: Pretty dark… Can't cum without torture, huh?

Wolf: Nope.

Kriss: Now… Where's Katt?

Katt comes back with Falco, who is completely covered in her juices.

Shadow: I take it that it went well.

Katt: Yep.

Falco: A little unnecessary, but I'm cool.

Kriss: Now… To Katt: What would you do if you get in a situation where you get…

Slowly, his tail creeps over to her and wraps around her.

Kriss: Tentacle raped?!

Slowly the tail completely wraps her and goes down near her groin area.

Kriss: NOW ANSWER ME!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Suddenly, he stops and the tail retracts, letting her go.

Kriss: Sorry, sorry… I've been too evil these past weeks.

Katt starts cowering a bit and hides behind Shadow.

Falco: Why aren't you hiding behind me?!

Katt: 'Cause you can't do the Ra- Ra- What did you call it?

Shadow: Rasengan.

Katt: The Rasengan.

Krys: That was a little unnecessary. Where did that tentacle thing come from anyway?

Kriss: I'm not quite sure myself. To Katt: No hard feelings right?

Katt: I guess not, as long as you don't do it again.

Kriss: Okay.

He had his fingers crossed.

Kriss: Damn you, Announcer Guy!

Announcer Guy 1, Kriss 0.

Kriss: To Shadow: Hey Shades do you mind if I stay here for the rest of the show, because it's a one free way ticket to some real good laughter medicine?

Shadow: …I guess not. Go ahead and join the audience.

He jumps down, but is soon mobbed and asked for autographs.

Shadow: Heh heh… Excellent… Now, everyone get ready for ShadowFox!

The crowd cheers as he shoots down through the roof and onto the stage. He snaps his fingers and fireworks go off. The crowd cheers louder.

Shadow: Does that cost extra? I'm not made of money.

ShadowFox: …The producer might've mentioned it…

Kris: Man, this show brings out the crazy side in everyone. On that note, I might run around and cover everyone with gravy later.

Shadow: …Okay…

ShadowFox: To Katt: Why the hell is your fur black and white in Command and Pink in SF64?

Katt: The dye wore off! And have you seen the prices these days?!

ShadowFox: Well, I guess I wouldn't know! I don't dye my hair/fur!

Katt: Don't diss the fur! It makes me look sexy! Right?

Falco and Shadow: Yep!

Falco: …What?

Shadow: I'm just agreeing with her.

Falco: If you try anything-

Shadow: May I remind you? Zanpaktou?

Falco: What?

Shadow: Oh that's right. Thanks to Shaky, I now have a Zanpaktou as tall as I am. If you don't know what that is, it's a sword that soul reapers use in Bleach. Next question!

ShadowFox: To Krystal: Are you pissed off that you didn't make it in Super Smash Bros. Brawl? I mean even Sonic made it!

Krystal: Urgh… I wasn't aware.

Shadow: Yep. That blue hedgehog made it. And he's cheap.

Krystal: They'd better put me in next time!

Kris: But it's not that bad. They didn't put in everyone.

Krystal: Still…

ShadowFox: To Shadow: Can I get a sit in on this show? It fucking rules!

Shadow: Ugh! Fine, but just for this episode. Maybe letting Timid sit in was a bad thing.

ShadowFox: Score! To Panther: Is it true that you talk in 3rd person cause you're overcompensating and not even gay anthros will "Hit that"?

Panther: I only talk like that when I want. Not now, though.

Kris: You heard him, Shadow. Put away the Rasengan.

Shadow: Damn it.

ShadowFox: To Fox: Why the hell is Slippy on the team? The only real accomplishment he was in SF64 when he made the Blue Mariner, which only appeared once in the game!

Fox: I never thought about that.

Slippy: That's not true. I'm the freakin' mechanic of the team! They couldn't do anything without me.

Falco: He sounds different.

Shadow: I think I accidentally took off the retard spell.

Fox: Put it back on, we like him better when he's retarded.

Shadow: Naw. I think this will work perfectly.

ShadowFox: To Peppy: Was it fun to say Do a barrel roll?

Peppy: Are you kidding? The only thing people my age have is the ability to annoy the hell out of youngsters like them.

Star Fox: What?!

Kris: Nice. Any way I can get some of that power?

Peppy: No, but I can tell you a story with a moral.

Kris: No thanks, I-

Shadow snaps his fingers and Kris is tied up and duct tape is around his mouth. He gives Peppy the heads up to tell the story.

ShadowFox: To Shadow: What happened to Hakkyou000 or something like that?

Shadow: This is my show. Since I ended the last one, I thought it would be easier to do it like this. Turns out I'm an icon here! My Q&A gets the most questions in a chapter.

ShadowFox: So true.

Wolf: I still don't see how anyone can get interested with this crap.

Shadow: Wow, that eye must be really bad then.

ShadowFox: To everyone: Here's a High Powered Assault Rifle w/ M203 grenade launcher and 6 HE grenades. Who's your target?

They all point them at Shadow, who grins. They shoot and a large cloud of smoke rises from the spot. Shadow launches out and slices each of the rifles in half with his Zanpaktou.

ShadowFox: Nice. How'd you do that.

Shadow: When in doubt, use Ninja Art: Shadow Shield.

ShadowFox: Wicked. Well, to the audience I go.

He jumps down, and is mobbed for autographs.

Shadow: Quite the famous person. Next is BigDragun987.

He walks through the portal.

BigDragun: Good to finally be here. Great meeting you Shadow.

He shakes his hand.

Shadow: Same here.

He turns to the others.

Shadow: You could learn something from him.

Wolf: Well, you pulled us here against our will and knowledge and didn't even provide anything.

Falco: Yeah, like food. I'm starving.

Shadow: Well, why didn't you say so? I can do that.

He snaps his fingers, and their favorite foods appeared. They wasted no time in stuffing their faces.

Shadow: And who says I'm such a bad guy?

Falco: Shadow, I take back everything bad I said about you.

Fox: Same here. Right?

The others agree.

BigDragun: That's not gonna last.

Shadow: I know. But it'll win them over for a bit. Go for it.

BigDragun: Of course. To Entire cast (where it applies): How many times did you vomit before you finally got used to flying an arwings at high altitudes and speed?

Wolf: Doesn't apply to us. We don't use Arwings, dumbass.

BigDragun: Shadow. If you will.

Shadow: My pleasure.

He hits Wolf with the blunt end of the Zanpaktou.

Fox: Natural talent, never puked.

Falco: I'm a bird, I'm used to it. And no, that doesn't mean I can fly!

Shadow shuts his mouth and lowers his pointer finger.

Slippy: A few times.

ROB: I had to clean it.

Shadow: Welcome, ROB! First time in a Q&A fic, everyone. Give him a hand!

No one claps.

Shadow: Never mind.

Krystal: I really had to get used to it. I remember the first time when I threw up. It went everywhere.

Falco: That's what he said.

Krystal throws a jar of mayonnaise at Falco. It shatters and goes everywhere. (Little inside joke, see if you can guess.)

Shadow: Announcer guy, shut up!

BigDragun: No! You wasted it!

………

Shadow: Now you can speak.

BigDragun runs over and licks up the mayonnaise. No one notices, they are still stuffing their face.

BigDragun: To Entire cast: Have you ever had a bi-curious thought?

All the males: No.

Katt and Krystal: Well…

Shadow appears behind them with his shoulder around them.

Shadow: Tell me more.

They smack Shadow. He falls off the stage and is mobbed by fans, ripping off his clothing and such.

Falco: Oh, joy. So long have I wanted to do that.

He crawls back up with only his black boxers on and carrying his Zanpaktou and ninja tools. The girls in the audience either cheer, sigh, whistle, or try and grab at him while he runs to the stairs.

Shadow: Krys is in charge. I'll be back.

Krys: Ha ha… Excellent…

Slippy: What's with the creepy voice?

Krys: …It's what I do.

BigDragun: To Krystal: If you could plant ideas and thoughts into people's minds, have you ever used it to your advantage?

Krystal: Well, only with Fox.

Krys: Really. Like how?

Krystal: If I want to turn him on before I get physical. You know, like when I "freshen up".

BigDragun: How sensual.

Falco: Lucky man.

Wolf: Psycho bastard.

Panther: I didn't know she could do that! Damn it!

BigDragun: To Katt: How does it feel to be pink in such a dark colored world?

Katt: I don't give a damn. Like I say, "Be a Fruit Loop in a world full of Cheerios".

Falco: And in any case, being sexy overlooks adversity.

Katt: Yeah. Wait, adversity? I'm not THAT different!

Falco: Uh…Sorry?

Katt: Fine.

BigDragun: To Falco: Who can shoot better, you or Fox?

Fox and Falco: Me! What?! You?! Give me a break!

Krys: Here are the blasters. Whoever can hit Shadow the most times wins.

Shadow walks up the stairs, fully clothed and equipped.

Shadow: What?!

The two unleash blaster fire on him. He dashes around the stage. When he came at an angle with the blasters, he used a maneuver that made him dash past the blasters and slice them in half with his Zanpaktou in under a second.

Shadow: Anyone else wants piece of the Shadow Illusion?

Fox and Falco sit down, still a little stunned at what they just saw.

BigDragun: To Shadow: I don't get how you do it. Why are you so beast? How can I gain powers like yours?

Shadow: All authors have A.A.P. Try it. Just imagine… Just imagine something random like a watermelon cannon aimed at someone.

BigDragun thinks for a moment, and suddenly a cannon appears. It shoots off a watermelon at Wolf.

Wolf: Aggh! I hate watermelon!

Shadow: That's makes it better.

BigDragun: Well, I'm off! Thanks, Shadow!

He jumps through the portal. A second later, Logan and Jake fall through. They appeared to be fighting.

Logan: No! Shadow will NOT have sex with you!

Jake: How do you know?!

Shadow: If he doesn't, I do.

Logan: Hey Shadow. Nice sword.

Shadow: Arigato. Jake, quick the gaytardedness and ask your questions. I wouldn't wanna have to use this.

He clutches the handle of the Zanpaktou.

Jake: To all guys except Peppy and Slippy:

Slippy and Peppy: What fortune! It's not us!

Jake: HAVE SEX WITH ME OR I WON'T STOP BOTHERING YOU! MWAHAHAHAHA!

All guys except Peppy and Slippy: Ugh… Stay away…

Logan: Guys, RUN!!

They dash for the stairs. Jake jumps at them and make them tumble down the staircase.

Jake: To the girls: THAT'S RIGHT, I'M HUMPING YOUR GUYS! DEAL WITH IT!

Fox: Shadow, get him off us!

Shadow: Alright! Batter up!

Jake is launched from the bottom of the stairs into the air, and then he fell into the portal. They walk back up.

Shadow: Man, I love this thing!

Krys: I still don't see why you bring him here.

Logan: Meh. To Krystal: Sorry about that… So… How are things with Fox? I find you guys make a great couple! TOTAL SUPPORTER! AND TOTAL HATER OF YAOI/YURI!

Krystal: Thanks, Logan! You're so sweet.

Logan: Hehe… It's what I do. See ya!

He jumps through the portal.

Shadow: I'm thinking of putting up a "no gay people" policy.

Krys: That wouldn't be a bad idea.

Shadow: Well, up next is-

KrissFizz: Hold up! I got more questions!

He jumps up from the audience.

Shadow: Really?

KrissFizz: Hell yeah.

Krys: Gee, and I thought I left a lot of questions.

KrissFizz: To everyone but reptiles: Well, the title says "Madness", and I intend to make it come true. So, I'm really sorry for my evil outbursts in the past and future, but I cannot make sure you are all in one mental piece afterwards. Apology accepted.

Shadow: I really don't mind.

Fox: We kinda do.

Shadow: But who's the one with the crown?

He points to a crown on his head.

Falco: Crown or not, you can't change our opinion.

Shadow: Damn it, what now? Krys, you're in charge!

He throws a ninja smoke bomb to the ground. When the smoke clears, he's gone.

Krys: Being in control rules. Go on, KrissFizz.

KrissFizz: To Shadow:- Wait, can he hear me at all?

Intercom: Yes.

KrissFizz: Okay. Am I allowed to blackmail someone here?

Intercom: Hell yeah! Finally, I wanted to see some blackmail.

KrissFizz: Cool, but later. I'll have to look something up.

The intercom clicks off.

KrissFizz: To Girls: Do you gals go into heat?

Katt and Krystal: …Um…Y-Yeah…

KrissFizz: So, then is there a burning feeling in your womb and a desire to have sex?

Katt and Krystal: Ugh! Pervert!

Krys: That is going a little too far.

KrissFizz: I don't have to listen to you! You're wearing a tux!

Krys: So? You made up your name when you were high.

KrissFizz: …Touché. To Males: If females are in heat, does it affect you?

Fox: Oh, dude.

Falco: Where do we start?

Wolf: Why wouldn't it? I don't understand exactly why, but it really heats things up. No pun intended.

Krystal: Fox!

Katt: Falco!

Krys: Wolf!

Wolf, Fox, and Falco: What?!

Krys: Too far.

Falco: It is a Q&A, dumbass. You ask; we answer.

KrissFizz: Since it affects you, and you meet an Earthling counterpart off your art that is in heat, would you mate with it.

Falco and Fox: No.

Wolf: Maybe. Haven't really thought about it.

Shadow reappears.

Shadow: That's kinda disturbing.

Wolf: Yeah, well look at the idea you have for Katt in your fic later.

Shadow: Uh…

They all look at him, and Katt gives him a death glare.

Shadow: …Can we… Move on, please?

KrissFizz: To Panther: Do you like milk?

Panther: …Depends on what kind.

Shadow: Sperm ala mode?

Wolf: Spooge on the rocks?

Falco: Um… Semen?

Panther: Dairy, fags.

Shadow: Huh, could've fooled me.

KrissFizz: To Peppy: Since I know when you're going to die, want me to tell you?

He flips through a little black notebook and stops on a page.

KrissFizz: You're going to die of food poisoning. Want some carrot cake?

Slippy: There's no way you could know when someone's gonna die!

KrissFizz looks through the notebook and stops on another page. He smiles malevolently.

KrissFizz: I feel a bit hungry for frog's legs. You wanna be fried, boiled, or stay raw?

Slippy runs away into the crowd, which parted to stay away from him.

Shadow: Why didn't I think of that? I could've if I put some thought into it.

KrissFizz: I didn't know that was possible.

Shadow: I might kill you for saying that.

KrissFizz: To Panther: Here, drink this "yummy" white cow liquid.

Hands Panther a glass. He studies it, then drinks it down. KrissFizz starts chuckling under his breath, then it grew into an audible laugh, then a strong cackle that made him fall over from lack of breath.

Panther: Ok, what?!

KrissFizz: That- hehe- proves my- heh- second question. If you wanna know what that so called "milk" that resides in your stomach really is here's a Greek dictionary. I highlighted what it was.

He reads it, and his eyes open wide and he throws up the contents of his stomach.

Panther: I knew it tasted strange!

Krys: Why didn't you notice it before? It most likely has a completely different taste from milk!

Panther: Are you threatening me?!

Shadow: Don't start with Cornholio! Only I can do Cornholio!

KrissFizz: To Katt: Since everyone knows you dye your hair pink, what's your original hair color? Is it white?

Katt: It's black… or something.

Wolf: How do you not know what your hair color is?

Katt: Well, I wanna try and keep my hair pink as long as possible.

Shadow: So to that end, you dye it whenever it starts to fade?

Katt: Exactly. Why?

Everyone else: …

Krys: A bit obsessive, don't you think?

Katt: And I suppose you're not obsessed with overusing the letter 'K'?

Krys: What? I think its kool. It's my kreative mind at work, and I kan't allow you to kriticize it. So kwit it.

Shadow: Man. I'm sure if someone read that, they wouldn't be able to understand it without going through it a second time.

KrissFizz: To Boys: Who is the best in close combat? And can we fight now?

Shadow: Hehehe…

The whole stadium grows dark. A shadow aura starts to appear around Shadow.

Shadow: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You want a fight? Well, you got one!

He dashes at KrissFizz with his Zanpaktou and another huge sword. KrissFizz blocks them with his scythe.

KrissFizz: Where'd the other sword come from?

Shadow: Stole it from Zabuza when he got killed.

They begin slashing madly at each other, neither of them getting a hit. Shadow then throws Zabuza's sword at Kriss. He ducks, letting it fly past him and lodge itself into the wall above the audience. He hits Kriss with the Rasengan, sending him flying at the sword's handle. He gets impaled. Everyone but Shadow gasps. Gasp. Kriss then walks up the stairs.

Shadow: See, getting killed isn't bad when it's not really you.

Kriss: However illogical that may sound, I have to agree.

Shadow: So, you're gone?

Kriss: Yep. Don't try and find me.

He steps backwards and strangely sinks into the ground.

Shadow: Prodigous. Next up is-

??: Shadow!

Timid tackles him from behind.

Shadow: Timid. Glad you could make it.

Timid: You think I would miss a chance to be with you?

Shadow: Nope, not at all. Go ahead, they're at your mercy.

Timid: Okay then. To Wolf and Leon: Did you know that Shaky is depicting you two as gay with each other? If I were you, I'd go bomb his house.

Wolf: Me and him?

Leon: Gay with each other?

Both: That's sick. WE'LL KILL HIM!

Shadow: Not now, question time!

Wolf: But-

Leon: He-

Shadow: DUODENUM!!!

Wolf and Leon: …

Timid: To Katt: Is Falco annoying a) all of the time, b) most of the time, c) some of the time, or d) never?

Katt: A mixture of all of the above.

Falco: How am I annoying?

Katt: Well, one example might be those weird noises you make during sex.

Falco: Oh… Those.

Katt: Yeah, try more moaning and less squawking.

Falco: I'm a bird, what do you expect?

Katt: Some more actual erotic stuff.

Falco: Hmm… I got an idea. Later, though.

Katt: Why?

Falco: He's watching.

He points at Shadow. He's sitting on a stool with a bar of chocolate. His teeth clamp down, but don't break through. He slowly turns to them, and his lips out of the way to reveal his teeth add to the creepy picture.

Timid: To Katt: In my stories, your mother's name is Theya Monroe. What is it in Shadow's fics?

Katt: He had the idea of using the same name.

Timid: Really?

Shadow: Yes. I like the idea.

Timid hugs him.

Timid: Thanks! To Shadow: You don't EVER have to worry about Shaky taking your place, you know that?

Shadow (blushing): Yeah.

Timid: Good.

Jenna bursts through the portal, eyes dark because of the high amounts of caffeine she more than likely consumed.

Jenna: My turn. To Timid and Shadow: It HAS to be asked! Are you two going out? If not, WHY are you ACTING like you ARE?!?

Shadow: WHY are you PUTTING so much EMPHASIS on RANDOM words?

Timid: Um… Haven't really asked him.

Shadow: Me neither.

They face away from each other, apparently deep in thought. They back to each other.

Timid and Shadow: Will you go out with me after the show? …Yes!

Jenna: Weird. They sure do work fast. To Krystal and Katt: I get the fact that you two are close friends and all, but are you close enough to have sex when your drunk?

Katt and Krystal: No!

Shadow: Hehe…

Katt and Krystal: What do you have behind your back?

He holds up a video camera. The two women walk around and look at the screen. They crush the camera and slap Shadow.

Timid: How DARE YOU!! AUTHOR'S RAMPAGE!!

She proceeds to pummeling the two into submission.

Shadow: Wow. You're more kickass than meets the eye.

Timid: Thanks. I wouldn't let those harpies harm you.

Shadow: Arigato.

Timid: To Fox and Falco: Same as Krystal and Katt.

Fox and Falco: Nasty!!

Falco: Forget it, I don't care if you're a girl, I'm still gonna hurt you!

He throws a punch, but it hits the blunt end of Shadow's Zanpaktou. A shadow aura appears around him and his eyes turn red.

Shadow: You son of a bitch. I'll kill you. ULTIMA RASENGAN!!

An orange mass of chakra appears. He hits Falco with it, and he is blown out of the stadium.

Shadow: Let's wait until he comes back down.

Ten minutes pass. Shadow is playing Guitar Hero: World Tour with Timid. He is playing guitar on hard, while Timid is singing on medium since she hasn't played it too much. Half way through "Heartbreaker" by Pat Benatar, Falco crashes through the ceiling.

Shadow: Oh, you're back. Good.

Timid: Well that's all we got.

Jenna: See ya!

Jenna walks through, but Shadow stops Timid from going through.

Shadow: You wanna stay?

Timid: Sure!

He conjures up a vibrating recliner for her. She gladly takes a seat.

Wolf: No fair!

Peppy: Yeah, if anyone really needs something like that, it's me!

Shadow: I'm sorry, do I look like I care?

Panther: Actually, you look like you haven't had a sane thought in forever.

Shadow: What the hell?! Is he a mind reader?! Up next is Skatepunk!

The crowd cheers as a golf cart drives through the portal. It flips on its side as he jumps out. It explodes.

Skate: Dammit! I only had one payment left!

Shadow: I'll fix it!

The cart comes back together and appears better than new.

Skate: Thanks! To Fox: Does Krystal us her tail in foreplay?

Fox: Oh man, you have no idea. It's awesome.

Krystal: Well, it's my pleasure Fox.

Skate: To Krystal: Has Fox ever screwed you with his tail?

Krystal: Nope.

Fox: Why don't we try?

They run downstairs, already beginning to rip off each other's clothing.

Shadow: Must think of something insane when they some back out. …Got it! But I'll need a black light.

Skate: To Falco: Both Shaky and Timid have turned you into Katt's dildo.

Shadow: So did I.

Skate: What do you think of it?

Falco: …Boing-oing-oing.

Shadow: Here.

He hands Timid five credits.

Shadow: I had it on 'giggity'.

Skate: To Timid: Does Jenna do anything besides caffeine?

Timid: I don't know, and I don't think I want to know.

Leon: I saw a small bit of white on her lip.

Shadow: No you didn't. You saw that magical potato wizard again.

Suddenly, Leon's pupils grow huge.

Leon: Magical potato wizard, please do another trick!

Skate: What the fuck? Oh well, gets him out of the way. To Jenna:

Shadow: She's not here.

Timid: I'll tell her.

Skate: 'Kay. I found truckloads of powdered caffeine in Pepper's office! Go get it!

Jenna dashes through the portal. Literally, she was a blur as she was moving.

Jenna: Thanks!

She runs up the aisle in the middle of the audience and busts the doors down just by running at them.

Timid: Hehe. That's Jenna for ya.

Shadow: Is she always like that?

Timid: Yep.

Shadow: Cool. I like girls who are insane.

Timid glares at him.

Shadow: Insane in a good way. As in not like other girls. It means you guys are special.

Timid: Aw, Shadow.

She hugs him.

Wolf: Can we get on with this?! I'm tired of watching this.

Shadow: Continue, Skate.

Skate: To Katt: Do you share dildo Falco with anyone else?

Katt: NO! He's mine!

Falco: Uh, Katt. You're grasping my arm too tight.

Katt: Shut up, Falco.

Shadow: Talk about 'Trapped Under Ice'. (A/N: If you don't get it, then you might wanna think it through. It's a song by Metallica if you're not aware.)

Skate: To Wolf: If women are weak, then why did you let Krystal join Star Wolf?

Wolf: …Well… All women as hot as her have that one quality.

Timid: You slept with her? That's the only reason?

Wolf: I guess I should've rephrased what I said earlier. Almost all women are weak. Being a woman, she has a certain power over men. I'll tell ya, women are strange creatures.

Krystal, Katt, and Timid: Hey!

Shadow brings Zabuza's blade up to the lupine's neck.

Shadow: That'd better mean in a good way.

Wolf: Y-yeah, whatever you say.

Shadow: Good.

Skate: To Leon: Don't give up hope on being laid. There are some pretty sexy reptiles on DK Island who want you!

Leon: …Really?

Skate: Yep. You should check it out after the show.

Shadow (whispering): But you think they're sexy?

Skate (whispering): No, I'm just saying that it appeals to me. I'm not that cruel.

Shadow: Softy.

Skate: Look whose the one with Timid. To Panther (whispering): …Try sticking your tail in Krystal's pants…ha ha…

Panther smirks and moves his tail closer to Krystal as she and Fox come back. She swats it with a spatula.

Panther: OW! Where'd the spatula come from?

Krystal: Think of where your tail was headed.

Shadow: You keep weapons in your velvet underground?

Krystal: If you wanna call it that, then yes.

Timid: Why'd you come back so early?

Wolf: Premature ejaculation.

Fox: No. Someone set up cameras in all the rooms.

Damn it, they're onto me.

Skate: To Peppy: Do you use your ears in foreplay?

Peppy: I would if anyone slept with me.

Skate: Hey, I found a dead hooker in the closet downstairs.

Peppy: It wasn't me!

Shadow: …

Timid: …

Skate: …

Everyone else: …

Peppy: If I had that huge sword of Shadow's, I'd kill you all.

Skate: O…kay… To Slippy: Remember that candy I gave you? Do you react that way around guys or girls?

Slippy: The only other time it's really happened was around… Well, it's not important.

Shadow: Tell us or you don't get taffy.

Slippy: Damn it! Krystal.

Krystal: I feel so degraded. I'm a target crush of the team's mechanic!

She begins crying into Fox's shoulder.

Skate: To Shadow: What do you think? Should I try writing a Smash Bros. Q&A?

Shadow: Since this was aired a bit late, he's already started it. So I'll say that you should continue. I like it so far.

Skate: Sweet! Now, I must take my leave.

He jumps in the golf cart and drives to the portal.

Skate: See ya, suckas!

A bomb is seen on the back of it as he drives through the portal.

Wolf: That oughta shut him up.

Shadow: You're a little too cruel for this show. Next here is the mysterious Velk.

He walks through with a blank expression on his face.

Velk: I'm not gonna get caught up in your insanity. I'm just here to ask the questions.

Shadow: Yeesh. What a downer.

Krys: I'll say.

Shadow: Where have you been all this time?

Krys: I was hiding.

Leon: He made me make him a sandwich.

Krys: AND ITS DELICIOUS! SO SHUT UP!!

Velk: Ahem? Can I continue?

Shadow: Yeah…

Velk: To Krystal: Do you like Fox or Panther better?

Krystal: Fox, 'cause he's not a pervert who would want me to give him a handjob with my tail!

Wolf: Oh yeah. She's torched your ass after that. That was awesome.

Shadow: And a tad bit funny. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

The laughter made the whole stadium to shake like it would in and earthquake.

Velk: Shut up.

Shadow: Fine…Grouchy.

Velk: Don't look for me.

He walks through the portal.

Shadow: Why would I want to? Up next is Shaky.

He jumps through the portal and a loud cheer is heard from the audience.

Shaky: Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' 'bout!

Shadow: Yeah yeah, just ask already.

Shaky: Now who's the downer?

Shadow is suddenly twenty feet tall.

Shadow: Not me. I'm an upper!

Shaky: To Katt: Did you like the undistributed Falco brand dildo I made you?

Katt: Yes, and the one Shadow made me, and the one Timid made me.

Krys: You must have hundreds then.

Katt: Why is everyone here a psychic?!

Shaky: To Wolf: Are you gay?

Wolf: Hell naw. I probably spend more time getting laid by hot vixens than Falco and Fox put together.

Timid: Then you might wanna get yourself checked.

Wolf: Wha- Oh damn it, I forgot about the STD's. Weird, I suddenly have a strange discharge coming from my penis…

Shadow: VD. He has VD.

Shaky: Do you just use the rivalry thing just to have an excuse to see Fox loads?

Wolf: Hell naw. Well, actually yes.

Everyone else: Gay!

Wolf: I freakin' wanna kill him! How am I supposed to when he's not in my sights?

Shaky: …I'm not so sure… To Krystal: Kiss Katt or I'll kill you like I did Slippy's clone.

Krystal: You can't kill me.

Shaky pulls out two gattling guns.

Krystal: Okay, okay!

She brings Katt in for a kiss. She held it out until Shaky out the guns away.

Krystal: There! Happy?

Shaky: VERY happy. Gotta go! See ya!

He walks to the portal, and Shadow trips him. He falls into it.

Shadow: Gotcha! Next up is-

Kriss: Hold up!

Shadow: Kriss, what now?!

Kriss: More questions!

The other authors: What is with him?

Kriss: To everyone: If Fox and Wolf got married, what would their last name be: The McClouds, or the O'Donnells?

Falco: Probably O'Donnell.

Fox: What?

Falco: Fox would be the receiver. He's shorter and younger than Wolf. I'm not an expert on gays, but it makes sense.

Everyone agrees except for Fox.

Fox: I'm not one for the idea, but I think you got it backwards.

Wolf: They agreed with the hypothetical. Deal with it.

Kriss: To Krystal: I'm going to give you…

Dramatic music plays.

Kriss: HOMEWORK! You're going to read all the Krystal/human pairing fics and tell me what you think about them.

Krystal: Pile of defecation.

Shadow: That's an interesting way to say shit.

Kriss: To Shadow: Are we allowed to ask questions through the telephone.

Shadow: I guess. Haven't given it much thought.

Kriss: Nice. I'm not gonna be here next time. Shadow will ask you what I tell him to.

Shadow: Oh joy. Like I don't already do enough around here.

Falco: You don't do anything!

Shadow: flesruoy kcuf og.

Falco: What?

Timid: He was speaking backwards.

Krys: Interesting. I feel it's better you don't know what he said.

Kriss: To Peppy: (In General Scales' voice) Do you have the number for General Pepper's office?

Peppy: You didn't have to use the voice. Give that bastard hell.

Kriss runs over to the phone that just appeared-

Shadow: You're welcome!

-and dials the number. He switches it to speaker so that everyone can hear.

Pepper: Hello, General Pepper's office.

Kriss: To Pepper:

Pepper: Who the hell is this?

Kriss: It's Kriss.

Pepper: Who?!

Kriss: The guy who came in on Shadow's show.

Pepper: Who the hell is Shadow?!

Kriss: The guy who hosts the show Q&A Madness.

Pepper: That gaytarded dumbass show?

Shadow: Gaytar… What the hell is getting at? My show is awesome!

Pepper: Let me guess, you got this number so I can answer a question?

Kriss: You are correct sir! TO Pepper: Why is Corneria's army so useless? One army literally destroys yours and four mercs easily destroys the army that destroys your army. Why?

Pepper: What are you talking about? My army is superior to all the others!

Fox: General, it's true. Your army does get destroyed by forces that we were able to defeat.

Pepper: …It's not my fault. The cadets hate me. I think it's a suicide thing.

Kriss: 'Kay. Thanks for your time! Bye!

He hangs up.

Kriss: Cool! I set a first on this show!

Shadow: Whoopdy doo!

Kriss: Man, you're a little uptight.

Shadow: Well, we almost has a day off from school 'cause of the show, but it was just a two hour delay!

Timid: Bummer.

Krys: Yeah. Snow's awesome, there should be more.

Kriss: To Star Fox: Can I kill Slippy? In a way so he can never talk, walk, or breathe?

Star Fox except Slippy: I guess.

Slippy: What?! No!! I still have so much to do! I'm still a virgin!

Falco: Never thought he would admit it.

Kriss runs up with paralyzing baseball bat and whacks Slippy over the head. It keeps him from moving, allowing Kriss to deliver the other blows. On accident, he crushes the frog's skull.

Kriss: Whoops. Went a little too far that time.

Slippy walks up the stairs.

Kriss: Damn it, Shadow! What the fuck?!

Shadow: I may not like him much, but I can't let you kill him.

Kriss: Damn it all. To furs: Can I make a clone of each of you and shave them?

Furs: Um… Sure?

Shadow: Send them in.

Clones of each of those with fur walk up the stairs. They stand in line and Kriss shaves them all with buzz cutters. He glimpses at Krystal and Katt's even more exposed bodies. But suddenly, the clones explode.

Shadow: You got to shave them, now get on with the rest of the questions!

Kriss: Fine. YEEASH! To all except reptiles: Can you walk in that door?

A door stood on the other side of the stadium. Inside was many trophies, fur coats of foxes, wolfs, lions, tigers, hares, birds and many more. Many books and DVDs on "How to make fur trophies for dummies" and a TV screen that shows how a real fur coat is made. At the end of the room were two- one that said "predator" and another that said, "prey".

Kriss: So, you guys wanna hunt the bastards that did this to your brethren? If you want to, just walk through the predator door and you become the predator.

Fox, Wolf, Krystal, Falco, and Panther run through the predator door. As the door shuts, the sign falls from both doors and says the opposite of what they were. They had walked through the "prey" door.

Timid: You…

Krys: Monster.

Kriss: To Shadow: Do you want to hunt (evil), watch (neutral), or help (good) them?

Shadow: What are you, a dumbass?! I'm gonna help them!

Kriss: What, because they're your friends?

Shadow: That, and I wouldn't have a show without them!

He runs through the prey door.

Kriss: Oh yeah. Maybe I should have thought that through a bit more.

On the monitors, Shadow was killing all the predators with Zabuza's sword in one hand and his Zanpaktou in the other. He finished the rest of them with the Ninja Art: Shadow Eruption. They walk out unharmed, and they look like they want to hurt Kriss. Ooooooooooh, he's in for it now! They lung at him, but Shadow blocks them with his sword.

Shadow: Enough. Just let it go; I'll punish him later.

Kriss: Tch. Wimp. To everyone who went through the prey door: How'd you like being the prey? Eh? Eh?

They all growl.

Kriss: Hehehe. To Krystal: Since you have read a lot by now, tell me what you think. How do you feel about the Krystal/human pairings?

Krystal: I hate them. I don't even understand why people would think I would go through with this!

Kriss: Bet you hate the fact that some write about you having sex with them, huh?

Krystal appears to be having a seizure.

Kriss: Don't worry, it won't last long. To All: Do you like cookies?

All: Who doesn't?

Kriss: Good, good. Before I leave. Come here, Shadow.

He walks over slowly.

Kriss: Cookie no Jutsu!

It starts raining cookies until there is a mountain of them, and it finishes off with a giant cookie falling on top.

Kriss: See ya!

He jumps through the portal.

Shadow: I'll save this for later. Next up is starfighter-105!

The crowd cheers as he walks through the portal on a new motorcycle.

Shadow: What's with the bike?

Starfighter: It's for Fox. From my bro to you, dude.

Fox: Wow. All because my last one was trashed?

Starfighter: Yep. What do you think?

Fox: It's kickass, dude!

Falco: He's just gonna trash this one, too.

Fox: No, I won't!

Falco: Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrre!

Starfighter: Would you ever do Fox?

Katt: …What?

Timid: That's like asking if I would ever do Shaky!

Krys: Isn't that kind of the point? This is Q&A 'Madness', correct?

Shadow: Exactly. See, I knew I had a reason for you to be the co-host. You're like the voice of reason. Too bad it's only for an episode at a time.

Krys: Wait, what?

Shadow: Yeah. Since these don't show up much, every co-host only does a job for one episode in a row.

Krys: That's jacked up.

Shadow: I know, but it's only fair.

Katt: Getting back to earlier, no I wouldn't.

Starfighter: 'Kay. To Falco: My friend Tim and I think we could, by ourselves, beat the hell out of you in a dogfight. Care to take my challenge?

Falco: Hell yeah!

Tim comes through the portal and the two begin pummeling Falco. Falco doesn't put up much of a fight since he doesn't have much of a chance.

Falco: How could you beat me?

Starfighter: HELLO! Author powers!

Timid: You should have gotten that through your skull by now.

Krys: You can't beat us!

Shadow: Especially not me! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Starfighter: Why do you wear purple? …Not right man, not right.

Panther: What? Guys can like purple.

Wolf: Yeah, like who?

Panther: Bam Margera.

Wolf: Oh yeah.

Starfighter: It's still gay. Bam's the only one that isn't gay by liking purple.

Panther: Fuck you.

Starfighter: I'd bet you'd want to, queer. To Fox: How about a rematch? Same stakes as before, unless you have something more creative.

Fox: I got something in mind…

Ten minutes later, Fox is declared the winner. Starfighter starts washing Fox's Arwing, taking about half an hour.

Starfighter: Seriously, how did you beat me?

Shadow: He cheated. Falco's suit magnetized Fox's shots.

Starfighter: You bastard!

He shoots him, knocking him into an injured Falco.

Starfighter: To Katt: Were you ever a stripper?

Katt: Oh, so you noticed?

Starfighter: Not hard to tell.

Katt: Hm. Does that mean you want something? Hehe…

Starfighter: Okay, no thanks.

Katt: I thought so.

Starfighter: To Falco: How much LSD do you use?

Falco: None.

Shadow: I got no dirt on him this time.

Krys: But I found a couple dozen debts he had a few years ago.

Timid: 100 thousand credits?! You were really hooked on this stuff, weren't you?!

Falco: Big whoop. I'm over it.

Shadow: There's another one here from two days ago.

Falco: …No comment.

Starfighter: To Slippy: Have you ever tried being straight or accepted by the public? Yeah, that's quite the BURN!!

Slippy: I'm not gay, I am as famous as the others, and you're an ignoramus.

Starfighter: Did you release the retard spell?

Shadow: Yep. It is my show, after all.

Starfighter: …Kinda ruins my question. Meh. To Krystal: What's the most drunk you've ever been?

Krystal: Enough to let Fox-

Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Krystal: -with a-

Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Krystal: -while he-

Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Krystal: -with some toothpaste.

All the women looked appalled, while the guys looked slightly aroused by the explanation.

Starfighter: Interesting. Well, that's all I got. Bye!

He jumps backwards through the portal.

Shadow: Never a dull moment, huh?

Krys: No way, not with you.

Timid: You really know how to turn things inside out.

She pecks him on the cheek.

Shadow: Alright. Our next guest is Inuyasha.

He flies through the portal and skids to a halt.

Inuyasha: Damn cannon. Alright, down to business. To Fox: If you hate Slippy so much, why don't you kill him with your blaster, or if you need any help, read my book, "101 ways to kill Slippy"?

Fox: …Must…resist…He's the mechanic…Must not…kill…

Peppy: And I thought I got tense after being asked a question like that.

Inuyasha: No one likes you. Why don't you just take your own life and save us all the pain? And that's if Fox fails to kill you. If you need any help, read my book, "101 ways to commit suicide".

Slippy: The spell's been lifted, I'm not a retard anymore. People like me now.

Inuyasha: Really?

All except Slippy and Inuyasha: We guess… A little more.

Falco: He can still get annoying.

Shadow: True dat.

Inuyasha: To Falco: If you love Katt so much, why don't you marry her?

Falco: Uh…Eh… I don't know…

He keeps mumbling about stuff like finances.

Inuyasha: To Peppy: In all of the years, why haven't you found a girl that loves you, or are you unlovable?

Peppy: This guy really is a retard, isn't he?! I have a daughter because of what I did to my WIFE!! My wife was killed! Before you ask a question, make sure it's not the most obvious thing in the universe!

Krys: Calm down, did you take your pills this morning?

Peppy: ………Maybe.

Inuyasha: Have you ever had the hiccups, and if you had did people make fun of you for it.

Krystal: Well, yes, but no one ever-

Inuyasha: Now, I dare you to give yourself the hiccups.

Krystal: Um…Okay. How, though?

Shadow: I can give them to you. I'm awesome like that.

Krys: You forgot modest.

Shadow snaps his fingers, and in seconds Krystal starts to hiccup.

Inuyasha: Ha! You're hiccuping!

Krystal: What's so –hiccup- funny about me –hiccup- hiccuping?

Inuyasha: I don't know. It just is. To Wolf: Are you gay or not? If not, why haven't you gotten laid or found a girl that loves you? If you did get laid, it was probably with Slippy because you're gay. Or are you just desperate?

Wolf: First off, don't ask an ass load of questions in one. And second, were you not listening? I have had sex more times and with more women than Fox and Falco combined, 'cause they only add up to about nine

women total.

Inuyasha: Didn't get the memo. To Panther: What would you do if Fox shot off your dick? Would you a) scream like a little girl, b) take it out on Wolf or c) live your life dickless?

Panther: Duh, all three. I would scream 'cause I got my manhood shot off, dumbass! I would take it out on Wolf, 'cause he'd be the nearest thing to beat the shit out of, and live my life without my dick, 'cause he fucking shot it off!

Timid: Are you okay?

Panther: If there's something I'm more pissed off about than these questions, its people who ask questions that are the most retarded in all of Lylat because they don't have any common sense or are too retarded to know anything about us!

Shadow: I'll the get the needle and nurse outfit.

He rips of his clothes to reveal the nurse outfit.

Shadow (in a female nurse voice): Time to go nigh nigh, Panther.

Panther: NO!!

He throws the needle at him, and Panther falls asleep. Shadow rips off the nurse outfit to reveal another set of his default clothes.

Shadow: Continue.

Inuyasha: To Leon: Why are you such a fucking retard? And no, I don't think you are the great and powerful Leon, I think you are a fucking retard and a fucking weakling. So just die.

Leon: …Does he have something against me?

Shadow: I don't know. At least we don't think you're that retarded. Just… a little.

Leon: Gee…Thanks…not.

Inuyasha: See, even they think so. To Katt: If you love Falco so much, why don't you marry him?

Katt: Um…Eh… I don't know.

She continues to mumble about eventually divorcing him because he would gain about fifty pounds of fat.

To Shadow: Why don't you have sex with Panther? I'll give you 1,0,0 if you do it and let me videotape you.

The lights go out and red chakra envelops Shadow. The air becomes dense all around Timid. They appear behind Inuyasha in a split second. Shadow has his Zanpaktou around his neck, and Timid has fire on her palm, ready to engulf Inuyasha.

Shadow: If you say that again…

Timid: If you dare assume that my Shadow is gay…

Timid and Shadow: WE'LL KILL YOU!!

Inuyasha: Um… I'm gone!

He runs through the portal.

Fox: Did I just see a trail of urine?

Shadow: Okay… I'm fine now. Next on our list is Metallic Soul.

He walks through, eating a sundae.

Metallic: Finally! I was waiting all day!

He throws the sundae into the audience.

Metallic: So, you and Timid get it on yet?

Shadow: So, did your mental retardation treatment work? We're only 13 and 14!

Metallic: Whatever. You do what you want. To Shadow: Do you know what an idiot's questions are? 'Cause you're about to find out.

Shadow: I know, trust me. I've had to live with idiots as some of my friends.

Metallic: Good to know, now you won't be surprised. To Krystal: YOU HAVE BOOBIES!

Krystal: I'll sue you for sexual harassment if you say that again.

Metallic: No you won't. If you did, I'd win the case.

Krystal: Just don't say it again.

Metallic: I'm not making any promises. To Wolf: Why do paper airplanes make you run and scream like a little girl on crack?

Wolf: I have had about enough of this! They almost put my eye out!

Shadow: Wait; now it's 'almost'?

Wolf: Yeah, they almost did. I got hit in that eye with a paper airplane back in my school days and I had to be sent to the emergency room since it damaged my cornea. Doctor said I was lucky to keep that eye. It was on a smuggling mission that I got shot in the same one and lost it altogether.

Timid: …That really does make you not sound like such a wimp.

Falco: But still, you got shot in the eye. You are one unlucky bastard.

Wolf: First you ridicule me, and now you pity me. That's lovely.

Shadow: Did you say something? I was too busy eating this here pity cake.

Everyone but Wolf: BUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRNNNN!!!!

Wolf: …Urgh…

Metallic: What would you do if I pulled one of your feathers out, cooked it into a pancake, and fed it to you?

Falco: I'd rip off your dick and do the same thing to it!

Metallic: Whoa, touchy. I only have one of those, and you have, like, a thousand feathers.

Falco: Big whoop.

Metallic: To Fox: Yo sup homie G dawg in tha hood nah mean?

Fox: Uh… What'd he say?

Shadow: Let me see…

He looks through the gangster to preppy English dictionary with Krys and Timid.

Krys: Okay, I think he said "Hello my good friend in this place, do you understand?".

Fox: Oh! I'm good.

Metallic: Cool. To Krystal: What would you do if Fox were cheating on you?

Krystal: I would give him a vasectomy and make him eat the remains.

Fox: Urgh!

Fox gags a bit.

Fox: A bit harsh don't you think?

Krystal: Well, it's traditional for the females of my people to do that if our husband did that. Why?

Peppy: I thought you were used to this culture and rid of that one.

Krystal: Just that on rule.

Slippy: Better watch yourself, Fox.

Fox: I wouldn't cheat on her anyway.

Metallic: Sure.

Shadow: Seriously, don't play too much into it. Foxes can get fierce if someone else invades on its mate or mating relationship.

Metallic: Nerd. To Slippy: Why are you so lame?

Slippy: I'm not. I'm the team's mechanic and the one who built all of their awesome equipment.

Metallic: Did he release the retard spell?

Krys: Yes. Smashing, isn't it?

Metallic: It ruins everything. To Krystal: …boobs…

Krystal: That's it! Shadow, you can do anything with your powers, even be a lawyer?

Shadow: Yes.

Krystal: Do it.

Shadow does a tornado spin that makes him a blur. He is suddenly in a blue suit.

Timid: Oooh… Not bad…

Shadow: The defendant, Metallic, on the charges of sexual harassment, is sentenced to execution.

Metallic: WHAT?!?!

Shadow: Oh wait. That says exile. Sorry.

Metallic: To where?

Shadow: I'll show you later.

He returns to his normal attire.

Metallic: To Peppy: Ya know what? Why do you do a barrel roll for a change?

Peppy: Fine!

He jumps in the air and barrel rolls across the stage.

Peppy: Happy?

Metallic: No. I was hoping you'd break your sternum.

Peppy: Ruffian. Trying to kill a man my age. I don't have powers like Shadow!

Metallic: To Fox: I heard that Shadow make Bill jerk off in your face in one of his stor-

Shadow starts choking Metallic.

Shadow: I'VE TOLD EVERYONE TO STOP WITH THAT! HE LOADED A BLASTER WITH HIS SEMEN AND SHOT IT AS REVENGE FOR FOX STEALING A COOKIE BACK IN THE ACADEMY!

Metallic: Okay, chill! I'll stop!

Shadow: You're lucky I don't extend your sentence.

Metallic: I said chill. To Katt: I HATE PINK!!

Kat: TOO BAD!! I'M PINK, AND I'M HERE TO STAY!!

Metallic: DAMN IT!! I THOUGHT THAT WOULD WORK!!

Shadow, Timid, and Krys: STOP SHOUTING!!

Metallic: I'm done for now. See ya!

Shadow: Hold up! Take that portal. It's for your exile.

A purple portal appears and Metallic is pushed into it by Timid.

Timid: Hope he has fun. He he…

Shadow: I hope so, too. Mwaha… Next here is Days of the Phoenix!

He walks through with a spring in his step.

Shadow: You look happy.

Phoenix: Well, I'm here to increase the insanity. I'm really looking forward to driving each and every one of you insane!

Shadow: Now that's what I'm talking about! Timid, any thoughts?

Timid: Ratings will go up for sure.

Krys: And the party will actual get started. I've been waiting for the best part of this episode, it's taking FOREVER!!

Phoenix: Calm down, I'll make sure it happens. To Katt: WTF! WHERE'S THE PINK FUR?!

Katt: Uh, Blind-o? I am pink!

Phoenix: Really? How could I not have noticed?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO PEOPLE HERE, SHADOW?!?!

Shadow: Uh… Q&A "Madness"?

Timid: He's just trying to make a good show. Not that he needs to try.

Krys: Deal with it Phoenix. What Shadow says goes.

Phoenix: Why the hell are you here anyway?! I don't remember Shadow allowing you to stay after you asked.

Krys: First of all, I didn't have questions. Second, I'M THE CO-HOST, DUMBASS!!

Phoenix: No fair! I wanna co-host!

Shadow: Not unless the viewers vote for you to appear in episode 6.

Phoenix: Damn it all. To Fox: Are you afraid to know what Wolf or Panther or both of them did to Krystal when she left the team?

Fox: Now that you mention it, yeah.

He goes in a fetal position.

Fox: DON'T TELL ME!!

Krystal: I wasn't goi-

Fox: DON'T TELL ME!!!!!!

Wolf and Panther: We-

Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Wolf and Panther: -with a boat motor.

Fox shoots them with a rocket launcher.

Fox: I said…Not to tell me.

Phoenix: To Falco: Would you like to star in an action movie? One with fast cars, motorcycles, guns, and a sparkling romance with Katt, or a romance movie that borderlines on porn?

Falco: I can't choose… Between them…Both so good. I'm gonna…NO DEAL!!

He slams the lid on the button.

Phoenix: Where the hell did that come from?

Shadow: I didn't even have anything to do with it this time.

Falco: I'm going all the way!

He ends up with five credits.

Falco: Damn it. I passed up an action movie role for this?!

Phoenix: To Krystal: If I were to-

Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…(fifteen minutes later)…eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Phoenix: -with whip cream and a leather whip would you?

Krystal: Not with you! Maybe with Fox…

Phoenix: To Fox: NO! DON'T SHOOT!

Fox: TRICK OR TREAT, SON OF A BITCH!

The gun clicks, meaning its empty.

Fox: Damn it!

Phoenix: To Shadow: Your show gave me irreversible head damage. I'm either suing you or Fox. Who should I sue again? I don't quite remember.

Shadow: Sue me, eh? Well, I've got a great lawyer!

Phoenix: Who?

Timid appears in a female version of a suit with a skirt rather than pants. (A/N: You know what I'm talking about, even though I might've described it wrong.)

Shadow: Wow… Not bad…

Timid: Thanks. I wouldn't sue him if I were you, Phoenix.

Phoenix: Oh yeah?!

Fifteen minutes later, Phoenix lost the lawsuit.

Timid: In favor of Shadow, you are sentenced to exile.

Phoenix: Oh come on!

Krys: You heard her! Get in the portal!

Krys pushes him in the purple portal from before.

Krys: I'm still getting the feeling that the viewers won't like you shoving the authors in there.

Shadow: Eh, they'll get over it. After all, if I didn't, they would know that they weren't worth it.

Krys: But you're doing it at random. Everyone could've been worth doing that, but those two crossed the line.

Timid: But still… I can't wait to see the look on their faces.

Shadow: Me neither. By the way, nice work as my lawyer.

Timid: No problem.

They start kissing, but loose their footing on the stairs.

Krys: You guys okay?

Shadow: Yeah. We'll just chill down here for a bit.

Wolf: Is he just gonna make out down there with Timid while his show is still o the air?

Krys: Yep. That means I'm in charge.

Everyone else but the audience groaned. The audience cheered a bit.

Krys: Alright. Our next guest is one of the anonymous reviewers that seem to feed off of these Q&A's. Here is Adam.

Adam walks through, his aura seeming very…anonymous.

Adam: You think the two down there are available for questioning.

Krys: I don't know. You could try.

Adam: To Shadow: Is there a contest between you, Hakk-A-loogie and starfoxrpst?

Shadow: Yeah. And shaky and this new dude that I forgot the name of.

Adam: Ah yes. It begins.

Shadow: I know. It's –Mmm!

Adam: Huh?

Krys: I think his lips are under attack, if you catch my drift.

Adam: He's the host of this show, and he's making out downstairs? That just doesn't look good on his resume.

Krys: Why would he need a resume?

Adam: I don't know! To Fox: You are going to explode.

Fox: Nuh-uh.

A beeping could be heard. Fox takes off his shirt and there is a bomb super glued to his chest. He starts running around and screaming.

Wolf: HEY! If anyone's gonna kill him, it's gonna be me!

He runs up to Fox and disarms the bomb quickly.

Fox: Thanks… I think.

Wolf: I'm not gonna let some punk reviewer kill you when I haven't come close.

Krys: Sounds like a gay desire right there. Maybe it's true.

Wolf: Why are you talking about your face?

Krys: Oh, great comeback.

Adam: To Krystal: Your breasts are small.

Krystal: No they're not!

Krys: Hold it. I think we need some assistance. All of the authors, who have stayed except for Timid, get up here.

ShadowFox and Kriss walk up on stage.

Krys: You be the judge. So long as Krystal doesn't mind being observed.

Krystal: Anything to set this guy straight.

The two observe her breasts. They stare for about a minute until Krystal slapped them.

ShadowFox and Kriss: OW! What?!

Krystal: Do you think they're small or not?!

Kriss: Nope.

ShadowFox: Completely the opposite.

They walk back into the audience.

Krystal: HA! In your face, Adam!

Adam: Does it look like I care?

Krystal: I went through that, and no reaction.

Adam: Nope.

Krystal: I hate failure! It makes my breasts swell!

Fox and Panther: Really?

They look at them, and the effects were already taking place.

Fox: Jackpot.

Panther: Lucky bastard.

Krys: That's a tad bit ironic, isn't it folks?

Adam: To women except Timid: Your breasts are tiny. Why?

Krystal: Already asked.

Katt: If my breasts were small, would Falco sleep with me?

Adam: Good point. But I stand by my opinion. Your breasts are small.

Katt: Damn it! Insolence makes my vaginal wall shrink a bit. Not that it's a bad thing, right Falco?

Falco: That sounds… really tight. Giggity. Giggity giggity giggity…

Krys: Looks like you helped both of them Adam. Bravo.

Adam: Whatever. To Slippy: Can YOU do a barrel roll?

Slippy: Hell yeah! Watch this!

He jumps in the air and barrel rolls… right into the boom system.

Slippy: AGGH!

Krys: Hey guys. Keep the boom out of the shot.

Boom operator: Sorry.

Adam: To himself: Shuddap!

Everyone: …

Krys: Eh?

Leon: Even Wolf and Panther don't get this creeped out when I talk to myself.

Adam: To …Sephiroth!?!: Moose?

Sephiroth: …I don't deal with weaklings like yourself.

He floats up through the ceiling. He floats back down momentarily.

Sephiroth: Once Shadow is ready, tell him I accept his challenge.

He flies away.

Krys: Whoa. He wants to fight Shadow? Makes him sound more powerful than any author in history.

Adam: To- Hold up. I'll need Timid for this.

The two authors walk back upstairs.

Timid: You say something?

Adam: To Timid: My X-Rays tell me…Oh, later. But here's a hint: Tell Shadow to be like a linesman.

The two look at each other.

Shadow: Call me stupid, but I don't really understand what you're getting at.

Timid: Ya, me neither.

Adam: Tch. To everyone: I'm going…To…Kill you all…

The authors take a battle stance, and the others pull out blasters.

Adam: …At Starfox Assault.

Everyone else: Oooooooooooh.

Shadow: Well, then let's kick his ass!

Twenty minutes later, Adam reigns supreme.

Shadow: Damn. He beats us all.

Adam: I told you. To people that care: I kick puppies.

Shadow and Timid begin to attack him, missing every time. It was only when Shadow was about to strike him that he slipped through the portal.

Adam: Bye. Hehehe…

Shadow: So close… Someday… Now, last but not least, give it up for paranoidsocialclub!

Paranoid walks through. Funny, he looks anything but paranoid.

Paranoid: Thanks for the observation, Announcer Guy.

…

Paranoid: Let's get down to business To Wolf: How do you feel about being manhandled by Slippy's clone?

Wolf: How would you feel if you were probed with what he used?!

Paranoid: So… not good?

Wolf: No shit, Sherlock!

Paranoid: No need to be hatin'. Don't be hatin'.

Wolf: What is with this guy?

Paranoid: To Falco: The same.

Falco: Oh gee, I wonder… The same, retard!

Paranoid: So… Not good?

Falco: What is with you?!

Paranoid: Don't be hatin'.

Falco and Wolf: STOP SAYING THAT!!

Paranoid: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Falco and Wolf: …

Paranoid: To Fox: HAHA! You suck at Guitar Hero…

Fox: I was acting. Shadow paid me to say it.

Paranoid: That's not cool.

Shadow: Yeah. He's kinda good on Medium. Never beat the game though, and he's owned it since it came out like two months ago!

Paranoid: At least there's still some burn left.

Fox: At least I don't waste my life on it!

Shadow: I don't have too many friends to hang out with. So sue me.

Fox: I would if Timid weren't such an awesome lawyer.

Timid: Damn straight.

Paranoid: To Shadow: Wanna play Guitar Hero? I call drums.

Shadow: Later. I'll be singer and lead guitar. Timid, you cool on bass?

Timid: Yep.

Krys: What about me?! I wanna be part of it!

Shadow: You run the fireworks.

Krys: Kickass!

Paranoid: To Krystal: READ MY MIND! …Not much going on there, eh?

Krystal: That is just creepy. Panther, quick staring at my breasts!

Panther: Hmmph!

Krystal: And Fox! …Actually, I have no problem with that.

Fox: Sweet.

Paranoid: To Katt: MAKE ME BREAKFAST!!

Katt: Not on your life!

Paranoid: Make me brunch…?

Katt: NO!!

Paranoid: Lunch…?

Katt: NO!!

Paranoid: A snack…?

Katt: …Sure. Why not?

She goes in the kitchen downstairs and comes back up with a sandwich.

Paranoid: Nice. To Slippy: Say the first thing that pops into your mind. Green, long, tan, shiny, come, go, expand, contrast, reproductive systems.

Slippy: Uh…sex? Is that what you're getting at?

Paranoid: That didn't sound like a stupid remark. What happened?

Timid: Shadow released the retard spell.

Paranoid: That's no fun. To Panther: Are you afraid of Pokemon?

Panther: No. Why?

A Pikachu runs through the portal.

Pikachu: Pika pi! Pikachu!

Panther: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!

Everyone else: …

Shadow: Come her, Pikachu.

It jumps on Shadow's shoulder.

Timdi: Aw, it's so cute!

Krys: You're a trainer?

Shadow: Somewhat. Pikachu, use Shadow Thunder!

Paranoid: Hey, dumbass. No such thing.

Pikachu's fur turns black and he charges up for the attack.

Pikachu: Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaachuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!

A black thunderbolt strikes Shadow's withdrawn Zanpaktou. He starts sparking with static, then stops.

Shadow: My new attack, Shadow Thunder Rampage. Thanks Pikachu!

Pikachu: Pika!

Shadow: Here.

He pulls out a Poke ball and holds it up to Pikachu. The small mouse touches the button happily. He smiles as he disappears in the red light. It instantly flashes that the capture is a success.

Shadow: Alright! I got… A Pikachu!- Agh!

He gets a sledgehammer thrown at his stomach.

Paranoid: That's the Trainer's bit, not an author's.

Shadow: Got it…Ow…

Paranoid: To Timid: How much do you love Shadow?

Timid: Insanely! I can't get enough of him!

Paranoid: Let's consult the love meter.

He walks up to her with it, and it explodes from an overload.

Paranoid: Damn. She isn't kidding.

Timid: Of course not! Shadow, can I play with Pikachu?

Shadow: Sure.

He releases the Pokemon, and it jumps on her shoulder and rubs up against her cheek.

Timid: Thanks.

Paranoid: To Shadow: Here.

Gives him a cookie.

Shadow: Thanks.

He eats it in a second.

Shadow: Can I have another?

Paranoid: No.

Shadow: …Meany…

Paranoid: Everyone: Here.

He hands everyone burn heal cream.

Peppy: The hell is this for?

Paranoid: You'll see… But first, let's jam!

He grabs the drums, Shadow grabs the new slider guitar, and Timid gets another like Shadow's.

Timid: Pikachu, can you work the lights?

Pikachu: Pika!

He jumps up to the rafters and switches them on.

Shadow: You clear on the fireworks and other things, Krys?!

Krys: Yep!

Shadow steps up to the mic, the mic that was configured to serve as a real mic and the one for Guitar Hero.

Shadow: ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!?!?!?!?!

The audience made the loudest cheer of the show. Everyone on stage other than the authors cheered too.

Shadow: Alright. HIT IT!

The creepy guitar line cuts in, signifying that the song is "Mr. Crowley". Shadow makes it sounds creepier by rubbing his finger across the slider, producing the wah effect. That part done and the others coming in for their parts, Shadow begins to sing.

Shadow: Mr. Crowley, what went on in your head?

(Oh) Mr. Crowley, did you talk to the dead?

Your lifestyle to me seemed so tragic

With the thrill of it all

You fooled all those people with magic

(Yeah) You waited on Satan's call

Mr. Charming, did you think you were pure?

Mr. Alarming, in nocturnal rapport

Uncovering things that were sacred, manifest on this earth

(Oh) Conceived in the eye of a secret

Yeah, they scattered the afterbirth!

Shadow jumps to the edge of the stage for the intermission solo. The strange part being that the audience cheered as if they were at an actual concert with Ozzy. The lights were flashing in a variety of colors, and Krys was setting off the fireworks in a rhythmic pattern and whenever he felt it would complement the song. Soon, Shadow went back to the mic to sing again.

Shadow: Mr. Crowley, won't you ride my white horse?

Mr. Crowley, it's symbolic of course

Approaching a time that is classic

I hear that maidens call

Approaching a time that is drastic

Standing with their backs to the wall!

Shadow once again sets for another solo, only this time it's the softer one at first. Partway through, he signals for Timid to step over to the mic with him. He also makes a mic for Paranoid that is attached to his drums. All three sing for the next part.

Shadow, Timid, and Paranoid: Was it polemically sent?

I wanna know what you meant

I wanna know

I wanna know what you meant, yeah!

Shadow's final solo appears for him. He whizzes through it and gets to the easier part. It was only a minute later that the song ended. The audience cheered like crazy.

Paranoid: Well, nice playing with ya. Gotta-

The audience started cheering for an encore.

Wolf: Do they really want another? You guys kinda sucked.

Shadow: You're just jealous 'cuase you can't play Guitar Hero.

Wolf: No!…Yes…

Shadow: No matter. One more?

Timid and Paranoid: Yeah!

Shadow: You guys good for another round?

Krys: Yep!

Pikachu: Pika!

Shadow: Alright. Here's one more.

Shadow waits a moment.

Shadow: All aboard!

HA HA HA HA HA HA!

The bass and drum lines kick in. The lights move in tune with it.

Shadow: Ay ay ay ay ay…

Shadow then starts with the beginning lead part a few seconds later. The following guitar line signifies that it is the famous song "Crazy Train". Soon, the second guitar line comes in and Shadow steps up to the mic.

Shadow: Crazy, but that's how it goes

Millions of people living as foes

Maybe, it's not too late

To learn how to love

And forget how to hate

Mental wounds not healing

Life's a bitter shame

I'm going off the rails on a crazy train

Shadow does one of the mini climbing solos.

Shadow: I'm going off the rails on a crazy train

Another minor solo kicks in, but doesn't last long.

Shadow: Let's go.

The part from earlier kicks in.

Shadow: I've listened to preachers

I've listened to fools

I've watched all the dropouts

Who make their own rules

One person conditioned to rule and control

The media sells it and you live the role

Mental wounds still screaming

Driving me insane

I'm going off the rails on a crazy train

The mini descending solo goes.

Shadow: I'm going off the rails on a crazy train.

The part from earlier plays that matches the timing. Once it's over, all three authors sing the next part.

Shadow, Timid, and Paranoid: I know that things are going wrong for me

You gotta listen to my words

Yeah yeah yeah!

Shadow jumps forward for his solo. Many fangirls reach over the edge to try and touch him. Still playing the bass line, Timid swipes at them. The two smile. Once the solo ends, the famous Crazy Train riff plays again. It ends, making way for the part that follows.

Shadow: Heirs of the Cold War, that's what we've become

Inherited troubles, I'm mentally numb!

Crazy, I just cannot bear

I'm living with something that just isn't fair!

Mental wounds not healing

Who and what's to blame

I'm going off the rails on a crazy train

Another rising solo.

Shadow: I'm going off the rails on a crazy train

The ending part begins playing. It doesn't last more then a minute until the song ends, fireworks going off like crazy. The crowd cheers again, and even the others on stage join in.

Shadow: Wow! What a crowd. Well, that finishes up this episode. So, from all of us at Q&A Madness, at least us that are here right now, we would like to say…

Shadow, Timid, Krys, Kriss, and ShadowFox: Merry Christmas!

Shadow: That about wraps everything up.

Paranoid: I'm going now. See ya!

He walks out eating the sandwich. He also leaves a lit match on the floor. It starts to burn across the stage. The others were putting on burn heal cream, while Shadow used his shadow powers to swallow the flames.

Shadow: Alright. Our guests for next episode will be Fay, Miyu, and Bill! So, tune in next time to…

Audience: Q&A Madness!

Shadow: Good night!

Timid then tackles him, and they fall down the stairs, where they continue where they left off from earlier. (Not sex, idiots.)

--

In a child dare care some of the children were maypole dancing. At the base of the pole, Phoenix and Metallic were tied up.

Metallic and Phoenix: Stop! Please, stop!

Ms. Jacobs walks up with a stereo.

Ms. Jacobs: Its sing-a-long time, kids.

Kids: Yay!

Metallic and Phoenix: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	5. Interlude

This chapter serves two purposes. 1) It sets up for the small plot. 2) I forgot to say who I'm inviting for the next chapter in the last chapter. It's Fay, Miyu, and Bill.

* * *

Interlude

??: So, he's started another Q&A?

Producer: Yes. Shadow's become quite the host. He's taken every question and turned it into insanity.

??: I expected no less from him. It takes that kind of power to vanquish me. Too bad it won't do much good. Tell me, what has happened so far?

Producer: Well, he has both Star Fox and Star Wolf in his midst. He was even able to get Katt.

??: Hmm…And?

Producer: I hear now he's bringing Fay, Miyu, and Bill. I mean Fay and Miyu haven't been on his show yet, and their appearance might just raise the ratings through the roof.

??: Yes. With all the success, he has forgotten about me. Let's see what he thinks. You tell him nothing.

Producer: Wait. I should tell you. He has now acquired new powers. He has a Zanpaktou, the giant sword that was owned by Zabuza, and a Shadow Pikachu. Plus, he also has someone to fight along side him.

??: Who?

Producer: Timid Vulpine.

??: Ah yes. His little sweetheart. This is perfect. Don't let him know about this. I must remain hidden for the time being.

Producer: Yes. Of course.

The line clicks off. The producer hangs up.

Producer: …Where have I heard that voice before?


	6. Episode 5

I'm back! Sorry it took so long! I'm glad to present you with this, the longest and best episode of Q&A Madness yet! Enjoy!

I do not own anything of Metallica, Romeo and Juliet, Pokemon, Star Fox, Panic at the Disco, Rock Band, Dave Mustaine, or anything else I used in this episode.

* * *

Episode 5

Shadow: And we're back! Quite a show we've got this time!

Falco: You mean we'll have some power over you?

Shadow: Ha ha ha. HAHAHA! NO! I mean we have some good guests. First off is-

Like many times before, a ship broke through the ceiling. This time it was a Cornerian Fighter. Bill jumps out, creating a whole roar from the crowd.

Bill: Alright. Happy to be here, Shadow.

They shake hands.

Shadow: Finally, some recognition and gratitude. Just grab a seat anywhere. Now, our other two guests should be here any-

Two more ships crash through the ceiling. Out lands Fay and Miyu. They run up to Shadow and hug him, clearly star struck.

Miyu: Oh my god, I can't believe you wanted us on your show!

Fay: You're the best!

Shadow: Hehe…Um…You two might wanna lower the affection levels. Timid's gonna be the co-host.

Miyu and Fay: Oh yeah.

They sit down.

Shadow: Now, the final scheduled guest today is a good friend of mine, one that I know in real life. He has yet to publish a fic, but has written some that are on his computer. Someday, he's gonna be the successor of Kirk Hammett!

Falco: No way! No one's gonna be better than Kirk!

Shadow: Shut…up. So, without further ado, I am pleased to announce Q&A Madness' own Guitar Guy, Metal Guitarist 101!

The crowd, even though they don't know him, starts cheering at him.

Metal: Yeah! Finally, some action!

Wolf: Um…Shouldn't a "metal guitarist" have a guitar?

Metal: Yeah… Hey Shadow, can you conjure a guitar for me?

Shadow: Which one?

Metal: The Dean Dave Mustain "Angel of Death" Flying V.

Shadow: Alright, whatever that is.

He snaps his fingers, and an awesome flying V guitar comes out of the ground. It had pointed edges and a bloody wing graphic across the front. It had an ebony finish along the neck, with a black whammy bar and two humbuckers.

Metal: Dude, I can't believe I actually am holding this!

Falco: Tch! Bet you can't play the ending solo to Blackened.

Metal: Just you watch!

He plugs it into and amp. A black pick with the Metallic logo appears in his hand. He plays the solo flawlessly, provoking a large cheer from the crowd. Falco stares, wide eyed.

Metal: Now, what was that you were saying?

Falco: …Nice guitar?

Metal: That's what I thought.

Shadow: And now, it's time for our co-host. Timid!

She walks up the stairs, waving to the cheering crowd. She hugs Shadow and stands next to him. Metal gives him a thumbs up.

Shadow: So, now our guests are here, including the addition to the crew. Now, our first questioner is someone by the name of Uwe Bell.

She (that's what I'm figuring, 'cause of the question) appears in a swirl of cherry blossoms.

Uwe: Hi there. To Shadow: …Um…Can I have a hug?

Shadow: …Uh…I guess?

He hugs her. She begins to smile.

Uwe: Thanks. To Fox: Can I stroke your tail?

Fox: I guess so.

She strokes his tail slowly.

Uwe: It's so soft! Thanks! Gotta go!

She is swallowed in the cherry blossoms and disappears.

Shadow: …That's something for the first person of the night.

Wolf: You're not much yourself. You or that lame guitar guy.

Metal: Why you little-

Shadow pulls out his Zanpaktou to block him.

Shadow: Enough. He's not worth it. Besides, he won't shut up even if I hit him with this.

Timid: But don't you still have the Shadow Pikachu? Why not try that?

Shadow: Good idea. Go!

He throws the poke ball, releasing the Pikachu.

Shadow: Use Shadow Thunder!

Pikachu: Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaachuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!

Wolf is struck with black lightning. He doubles over in pain.

Shadow: Maybe that'll work. Next on our line up is Bailey!

The crowd cheers as he walks through the portal.

Bailey: Awesome. Just…Who's that?

Shadow: He's the show's guitar guy, Metal.

Bailey: Interesting. Sick guitar.

Metal: I know.

Bailey: To Fox: So what did you get for Krystal, in that way?

Fox: …Well, we kinda went the extra mile.

Wolf: Your normal sex life not enough for you?

Fox: It's not that. We just stepped it up.

Metal, Shadow, and Bailey are suddenly right in front of him.

Metal, Shadow, and Bailey: Tell us.

Fox: The bunny position, doggy style, oral, and a lot of whip cream. We had at least five orgasms each.

Shadow: That's hot.

Metal: Lemony.

Bailey: Wicked.

Shadow: But over and over?

Krystal: We had this special pill to keep us going.

Shadow: Oh yeah, that's right. I gave him a box for Christmas. I guess I CAN do anything with this power.

Falco: Pill? You had to use a pill? That's weak.

Fox: Have you ever kept going after an intense orgasm?

Falco: …Maybe for a few seconds.

Katt: But that's about it.

Fox: Exactly.

Bailey: To Falco: Why did you come back to Star Fox at the last freakin' level, I mean moment in time, of Star Fox Adventures, I mean the second time you fought Andross?

Falco: It was all in the timing. How the hell was I supposed to know you were fighting him?

Fox: You could've figured it out if Sauria had huge chunks flying off it!

Falco: …Might've come up. I think I was offered to go investigate and bring back anything of value.

Krystal: You actually thought about stealing from them?!

Falco: No. Turned it down. Back to the Andross thing, I wanted to be the big hero.

Fox: And failed, I still ended up being in the limelight.

Falco: I'm still a better pilot than you are.

Fox: Not true.

Falco: HELLO! I'm a bird; I was born to fly.

Peppy: Stop this bickering! My cholesterol is high!

Shadow: Then quick eating that butter!

Peppy: Maybe I will, GOSH!

Shadow: Hey, Napoleon Dynamite is my thing! GOSH!

Metal: Get on with the show, GOSH!

Shadow: Fine, GOSH!

Metal: GOSH!

Shadow: GOSH!

Bailey: To Falco: Why did you leave Star Fox in the first place?

Falco: Katt called in for my help. After I saved her, she used her…feminine ways to get me to stay with her.

Shadow: You abandon your team for some…

He looks over at Katt sucking on a candy cane. The way she was doing it resembled an act more sensual. He stared at her for a few seconds.

Metal: Yo, Shadow. You with us?

Shadow: Wha- Oh sorry. Lost my train of thought there.

Bailey: Sure.

Timid: You should take care to keep your eyes from that. I'm right here.

Shadow: Yeah. Sorry.

Bailey: To Krystal: What's the point of those ring thingies on your tail? Are they for jewelry or something dirty?

Krystal: I think we heard something like that before.

Shadow: And I'm pretty sure she said it was the second one.

Bailey: Seriously?

Metal: That's about as weird as General Pepper's reason for Fox not to bring a blaster to Sauria.

**A flashback plays.**

Fox: …But what do I use for a weapon? Why didn't you let me bring my blaster?

Pepper: It's always the same with you Fox. Shoot first and ask questions later. You're here to save the planet, not blow it up. This mission requires a different skill.

Fox: Fine.

The link closes. Pepper turns around to his gambling buddy.

Pepper: How long do you think before he gets killed?

Mr. Gamble: Three minutes. Wait, what's going on?

Pepper: Ah damn it! He got a staff. The bets off.

**End flashback.**

Shadow: Yeah.

Bailey: Uh-huh.

Metal: No doubt.

Timid: Never thought about that.

Bailey: To Announcer Guy: Why are you so random and GAY?!!

I'm not gay. I just feel like being random and such and all that crap and all that rubbish and all that noise.

Bailey: That's exactly what I mean! Why be like that?!

At least I have more fans than you do.

Bailey: Hey!

Shadow: Metal, hit it!

Metal: Got it. Here goes.

_He begins playing the solo to "Scream Aim Fire" with the amp on 11 while hooked up to a Jackhammer speaker. Everyone but him and the Announcer Guy_ _had…earmuffs…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNS!!!_

Metal: WHAT?!

_STOOOOOOOOOOOP! PLEEEEEAAAAAASE!_

Metal: LOUDER?! 'KAY!

He plays louder. Wait- AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! The solo stops. Sweet relief.

Timid: Your ears are bleeding.

Metal: I know. That was one awesome solo.

Bailey: To everyone on Star Fox except Fox: Why do you guys get chased all the time in Star Fox Assault? Are you really that bad of pilots? And beat the shit out of me if you want, bitches!

He pulls out a bazooka after shooting them the finger.

Falco: This dude really has a problem with something that is a lie.

Krystal: Exactly my thoughts.

Bailey: It's not a lie, you guys are always the prime target and need Fox's help all the time!

He shoots Slippy. Parts of his body fly everywhere.

Peppy: Oh my god, he killed Slippy!

Falco: You bastard!

He shoots Falco.

Bailey: Never steal that line from South Park!

Slippy and Falco walk back up the stairs.

Wolf: How do you keep doing that?!

Shadow: High Speed Shadow Clone Jutsu. Lets me create a shadow clone and teleport the cloned person away in a millionth of a second.

Wolf: Whatever.

Bailey: Well, that's all for now. See ya.

Shadow: Hold up. I figure that the questioners should get a seat in on the show. Go ahead, there's a VIP booth up there. All that you need is up there: food, beverages, and the most comfortable chairs that I can conjure.

Metal: No fair, I want a seat!

Timid: You're in on the show. You're that guitar guy, better than the VIP room if you ask me.

Metal: …Yeah. Good pint.

Bailey is warped up to the VIP balcony. It provided the perfect view of the show and he could hear everything perfectly.

Shadow: Now, next on our roster of insanity, it's Metallic Soul!

He launches the portal, but the one he was sent through last time. He is shaking.

Metallic: So…much…sing-a-longs!

Metal: Oh yeah, I remember.

Timid: I think we went too far, Shadow. He looks pretty bad.

Shadow: Maybe. Let's see how Phoenix feels, then we'll judge.

Metallic: Okay, I'm fine now. More questions. To Fox: You know, sometimes when I'm playing SF64 and I'm feeling random, and I'm usually random all the time, I'll go insane and scream, "I'M FIRIN' MAH LAZAR!" So tell me, how does that make you feel?

Fox: Makes me feel a lot better.

Metal: Huh?

Fox: Now I know that I'm not the only one who shouts out things like that when firing lasers.

Timid: What do you say?

Fox: FEEL THE BURN, BIATCH!!

Metal: Mines better.

Fox: Oh yeah? What is it?

Metal: (In a nasally voice) DUODENUM!!

Everyone but Metal: …

Metal: Yeah. Awesome, ain't it?

Panther: Wait, so you're the one who started that?

Metal: Yep.

Panther: So we blame you, not Shadow.

Metal: Wait, you stole my catchphrase?

Shadow: Uh…Yeah?

Metal strikes a power chord and a wave of energy shoots from his guitar towards Shadow. He blocks it with his Zanpaktou. Metal starts playing "All Nightmare Long", and a steady stream of attacks launch out, each blocked by Shadow. He's able to attack a few times, but the guitar makes a shield around him.

Krystal: So his guitar is powered by his author powers?

Timid: Apparently. I guess I'm taking control.

Metallic: I'm gonna need a video of the fight. You good for that, Shadow?

Shadow: Yep! Urgh! How can something so prodigious be so dangerous?!

Metal: Face it, my author powers prevail with my guitar skills!

Shadow: NEVER!!

He attacks again, yet again blocked.

Metallic: Sweet. To Shadow: Sure, you didn't have sex at all, bull, the Announcer Guy might've said you weren't, but maybe he was LYING!

Shadow deflects one of the shots, and it's sent at Metallic. He gets blown off his feet from the attack.

Shadow: I'm only fourteen, dumbass! And I have too much self-respect to get laid yet!

Metallic: Okay, fine. Touchy bastard you've got for a boyfriend, Timid.

Timid: Maybe. But I still love him. Hee hee…

Metallic: To Wolf: Huh, didn't know that about you, so…uh…hmm, I don't know what to ask you now.

Wolf: Fine. Leave me alone, I need the-

He gets hit from one of the blasts that were deflected.

Wolf: Damn it! Watch it, Metal!

Metal: Sorry! Too busy fighting Shadow and eating pity cake to hear you.

Everyone but Wolf: BURN!!

Metallic: To Falco: Dude, if you ripped my dick off I would sue you for sexual harassment.

Falco: I'd sue you for suing me!

Metallic: I'd sue you for suing me for suing you!

Falco: I'd sue you 'cause you're a dumbass!

Metallic: I'll sue you, and your face, for disturbing the piece in the division of sight.

Falco: I'll…I'll…Damn, you win.

Metallic: To Krys: Crossed the line? Are you serious? I freakin' pointed out the obvious! Look at Krystal and tell me that she doesn't have boobs!

Krys gets teleported on the stage.

Krys: Well dude, it's kinda rude to just open up and say it. Honestly, would you go up to your mom and say that?

Metallic: …Maybe. I don't know.

Krys: Exactly. I'm gonna-

He gets sent to the VIP balcony.

Krys: Wha- Wha-

Bailey: It's the VIP balcony. Make yourself at home.

Krys: Sweet.

Metallic: To Shadow: I will get my revenge someday, you won't know when, but you will know. You. Will. Fucking. Know.

Shadow: Okay. Whatever. Busy here, if you didn't notice.

Metallic: I'm serious man. I'll get you back!

Shadow: I'm serious, too! I'm in the middle of a fight!

By now, Metal was starting to play "Sad But True". The attacks are similar.

Metallic: Yeash. Touchy. To Katt: What if I-

The program is blocked and is replaced with a nerd pretending to be a jedi for twenty minutes with "Please Stand By" flashed across it.

Metallic: -with it all over your face, and-

Twenty more minutes, only with a clip of sumo wrestlers running a ¼ mile track. When it comes back, Metal has already started playing "Afterlife" as his next attack song.

Metallic: -with a baseball bat, a lighter, and some poison ivy, would you?

Katt: I'd much rather drink a cup full of semen.

Falco: Um, Katt? Haven't you already?

Katt: …Fine, yes, I would.

Panther: …Mind if I join?

Metallic and Katt: NO!!

Panther: …

Metallic: To Panther: The Metallic Soul doesn't like the fact that Panther talks in third person, the Metallic Soul wants you to stop that, because it creeps the Metallic Soul out.

Panther: Panther will speak in third person whenever he wants, and Panther doesn't have to take any complaints from some perverted fuck.

Falco: Panther, you're a perverted fuck.

Panther: …Panther submits.

Metallic: Metallic gains 45 charisma points! (In a nerd voice) Excelsior!

Wolf: Nerd.

Metallic: Ass bandit.

Wolf: Pothead!

Metallic: Fuckwad!

Wolf: FERGLELEMMIT!

Metallic: GURGLESKLETCHER!

Wolf: …How could you say that?

Krystal: What'd he say?

Wolf: He said I take pleasure in destroying medical facilities.

Timid: You can understand him? Amazing.

Metallic: To Leon: Your fail is such an epic face.

Leon: So what?

Metallic: I would imagine that it would provoke some rage.

Leon: Nah.

Metallic examines Leon's eyes.

Metallic: Yep, he's stoned. No reason to argue. To Shadow: Okay, Mr. Smart Person, decipher this, uoy era a gabehcuod, htcaib.

Shadow: And you're a dumbass, cumguzzler.

Metallic: Yeash. Harsh enough to keep me from returning.

Shadow: Yeah, well you started it.

Metallic: Good point. I tried. To Fox: Yo sup mah dawg, we gotta get our turf back an' cap dem muthafuckas.

Fox: I didn't follow any of that.

Timid: It was something along the lines of, "Hey there, we gotta take back our territory and kill those guys."

Metallic: Ya know what I'm sayin', dawg?

Fox: Um…True dat?

Metallic: Hell yeah! To Everyone: Well that's all I got for you today, See ya!

Everyone: See ya!

He gets teleported to the VIP balcony. He starts watching from the side after being informed.

Timid: Alright, so now, we have one of the mysterious anonymous guests. Here's Velk!

He walks through, receiving no applause.

Velk: What, no recognition.

Timid: Well, not many people find you as a popular and legitimate reviewer. Plus, your spelling sucks.

Velk: You suck. I'll be mad about this later. To Krystal: Can I have a hug?

Krystal: …I don't know. Maybe another time.

Velk: Whatever. To Shadow:

He pulls out two swords. One is Ichigo's Zanpaktou, one is the legendary Masamune.

Velk: A gentleman's fight, meaning no jutsu, AAP, or assistance.

Shadow: Busy here!

He was dodging blasts from Metal playing "Bat Country".

Velk: Well, when then?

Shadow: Next time, I suppose.

Velk: Whatever. By the way, nice guitar…uh…

Metal: Metal.

Velk: Yeah, nice guitar. To Timid: You do realize I live in Great Britain?

Timid: Not really, and I don't care. Shadow's the only one for me.

Velk: Damn it all! Wasted time that's what this was.

Timid: Actually, you get a sit in the VIP balcony.

Velk: …That's new.

He jumps up to the balcony.

Timid: Quick one there. This next guest is someone I don't think has been on the show yet. Here he is, Steel Scale!

He gets moderate applause when he enters.

Steel: Cool. To Shadow: I like this, except for one thing...I WASN'T ALOUD TO BRING MY CHAIN SAW IN!

Shadow: Seriously? Downstairs there's a wall with a whole crap load of weapons. Take your pick.

Steel: Awesome!

He runs downstairs and runs back with nothing.

Peppy: You grabbed nothing?

Steel: Don't worry, old man. I have something waiting. To Leon: ...if you're so great, how come you haven't…

He whispers in Leon's ear.

Steel: …or…

He whispers again.

Steel: Do those and you might have my respect. And also, if you had a girl friend, how long do you think the relationship would last?

Leon: Well, if she liked me, probably a while.

Falco: I think he's still high.

Wolf: Oh, big time. Seriously, he'd only be able to sustain a relationship with another lizard. Don't see too many of those on Sargasso.

Steel: Oh, so sad. To Krystal: How many disturbing things have happened to you?

Krystal: Well, a lot of times. Like this one time-

Steel pulls out a pistol.

Steel: If you go into details, I'll shove this up your-

A crashing sound blocked it out.

Steel: -and then I'll take the first chain saw I find and-

Another crashing sound drowned it out.

Steel: …Sorry, I get carried away sometimes. Just please no details, I beg you.

Krystal: …Many disturbing things, I'll just say that.

Steel: Sorry 'bout that. To Fox: Same as Krystal.

Fox: …I'll just say a few disturbing things.

Steel: To Wolf: Same as Fox.

Wolf: None.

Timid: None?

Wolf: None.

Falco: None?

Wolf: None.

Shadow and Metal: You were touched by a nun? GROSS!

Wolf: THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID!

Steel: Well, they can't really hear that well.

Indeed, the guitar was too loud to hear things clearly. Metal was now playing "Blackened".

Steel: Hmm…Wicked guitar. To Panther: I won't even say it, but the threats do apply.

Panther: I'm not scared!

Steel holds up the chain saw he acquired downstairs with an insane smile and eyes wide open.

Steel: Oh really?

Panther: …

Panther goes into a fetal position, mumbling what sounded like, "No Daddy, I don't wanna say hi to the chain saw".

Steel: Well, looks like I got a new controversy for this show. "Perverted Panther afraid of chain saws".

Timid: Maybe so.

Steel: To Peppy: If you were to shove a bucket on Slippy's head while he's asleep/unconscious/or just awake and stupid, what do you think his reaction would be?

Peppy: Hard to say without actually finding out.

Steel: Okay then.

He shoves a bucket on Slippy's head.

Slippy: Hey! What the-

He puts his elbow on top of the bucket.

Steel: And now we wait.

Suddenly, one of the blasts that Shadow deflected fly into the bucket and blows it apart.

Steel: Damn it! Shadow!

Shadow: Not me, 'tis he!

He points at Metal.

Metal: 'Tis he, not me!

Shadow: Not me, 'tis he!

Metal: 'Tis he, not me!

They continue fighting.

Steel: To Krystal and Katt: Here!

He hands them each a cookie.

Krystal and Katt: My precious…

Steel: I know the cookies are getting old, but everything else I have was...incidentally...filled with laxatives...

He looks around suspiciously.

Fox: What are you sayi-

Steel: Well, gotta go!

He is warped to the VIP balcony, gets filled in with the details, and watches from the side.

Timid: So, up next we a very special guest. Here he is, starfoxluver!

Uproarious applause fills the stadium as he enters.

Starfoxluver: I'm really that important to you guys. I feel like I'm gonna cry…

He almost gets hit by one of the blasts that were deflected.

Starfoxluver: And now I'm not. To Jake: Follow me again n I SWEAR ILL KICK YOU OUT OF THE STORIES! GOT IT BUSTER!? =O

Jake: Okay, I'll go back…Unless Shadow wants to sit me up in the VIP balcony.

Shadow: Nah. Leave. Now.

Jake: But-

He almost gets hit by one of the blasts.

Jake: I'm gone. And HEAVY METAL SUCKS!

Metal would've destroyed him had he not left through the portal so quickly. A crater was now in front of the portal.

Starfoxluver: To all furries with tails: Can I feel your tails! =3

Fox: I guess.

Krystal: Sure.

Katt: Go ahead.

Wolf: No.

Panther: No way.

Starfoxluver: Hmph…Whatever.

He feels Fox's, Krystal's, and Katt's tails.

Starfoxluver: Soft as always.

Fox: A little creepy, but I appreciate the compliment.

Starfoxluver: To Fox and Krystal: So...WANNA PLAY DDR OR GUITAR HERO OR ROCK BAND WITH ME!? :D

Fox: I don't know.

Krystal: Don't much feel like it now.

Metal: I will.

Shadow: Me too, but later. Rock Band 2. I know a song we could do.

Starfoxluver: 'Kay. I'm on drums.

Metal: Guitar.

Shadow: Mic.

Wolf: Of course you are. You just love mics.

He deflects one of the blasts at him again.

Wolf: I'll…be quiet for now.

Timid: So, I guess I'm on bass.

Starfoxluver: Sweet. Falco: So...WANNA PULL A PRANK ON SLIPPY!?

Falco: Hell yeah. I got one already. You just have to hold on to this rope.

Starfoxluver: Um…Alright.

Falco: Hey Slippy. There's a giant pie downstairs with your name on it.

Slippy: Pie…

He walks zombie like downstairs…but is caught in a snare trap. Starfoxluver is holding him up.

Starfoxluver: Yeah! PWNED! Panther: So...I got a threat letter by some random gay dude that forced me upon u...HOW R WE GONNA GET OUT OF THIS PREDICAMENT!? O_o

Panther: Let Shadow take care of it.

Shadow: Sure, make me do all the work. Man, I need some sort of bodyguard/mercenary-like intern.

Metal was now playing "Waking the Demon".

Starfoxluver: Wolf: (whispers) help me n panther...i'm being stalked n tormented by a random gay dude...

Wolf: Why should I?

Starfoxluver: 'Cause I have a security tape revealing that you went to a Hannah Montana concert!

Wolf: …Fine, I'll see what I can do.

Starfoxluver: Yeah, you'd better. Krystal: ...Uh...aren't u glad Fox loves you! =^^=

Krystal: Of course! I'm simply addicted to him!

She clings tightly to him. Fox blushes…then starts choking a bit from lack of air.

Starfoxluver: So sweet. To everyone: See ya, God bless, Merry Late Christmas, goodbye, farewell, cheerio, sayonara, n all that crap! XD N please help me Nagasaki Panther...we've been forced 2 umm...insert into each other if u know what I mean...O_o

Panther: We'll take care of it, alright? I don't want it to happen either.

Bill: Sure you don't.

Starfoxluver is warped to the VIP balcony. Same thing happens as the others.

Timid: 'Kay, now we have a finale waiting for you guys. So now, to keep it going, we have BigDragun987!

The crowd begins cheering when a dozen fireballs starting crashing through the windows. They gathered on the stage, and grouped together. Then, it exploded and Dragun was standing there in the aftermath.

Dragun: Some entrance, eh?

Metal: I've seen better.

Dragun: And who are you to judge?

Metal: I'm the show's guitar guy, currently battling the host, who is my friend when we are not fanfiction beings.

Dragun: Ah. Okay then. To Fox and Falco: Since Christmas has passed I'm sure you two received "special" gifts from you significant others. Care to spill the saucy details.

Fox: I've already said mine.

Falco: Well, lets just say Katt got to enjoy a "special" candy cane.

Shadow: Special as in small.

Falco: I'd cut you if you weren't so damn powerful.

Dragun: Juicy stuff right there. To Fox: Seems you and Falco have quite the "Who's Better?" rivalry between you two. Wanna admit anything he actually is better than you at.

Fox: Getting an unknown rash seems to be his specialty.

Falco: At least I get laid more than you.

Fox: At least I don't use my whole paycheck for STD treatments!

Falco: At least…At least I have a hot pink girlfriend!

Fox: So what?! Mines blue!

Falco: Blue isn't hot!

Fox: Looks like Katt has a different opinion! You're blue!

Falco: …Damn it.

Dragun: To Announcer: Do you get paid do be an annoying jack or do you just do it for fun?

A bit of both. Swimming in green, annoying people…what a job.

Dragun: You're enjoying this, aren't you?

(Sarcastically) NO!! I'm thoroughly bored out of my mind!

Dragun: Someone will show ye. To Panther: To celebrate the season do you go on some crazy galaxy wide sexcapade?

Panther: A bit late to say season, but hell yeah!

They run to their sex mobiles, but the attacks are being deflected at them enough to block their path. Metal was now playing "Hand of Blood".

Dragun: Nevermind. To Leon: So I was wondering how does it feel knowing no one really enjoys your company. Oh you didn't know that well ya do now my bad. Actually nah not my bad it was quite enjoyable.

Leon: …

Dragun: Hello?

Leon: …

Dragun: Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooo?!

Leon: …

Dragun: WHY WON'T YOU ANSWER?!?!?!

Leon: Shut up! I'm watching the strip dancers.

They look around, but no strip dancers. …Damn.

Timid: I'm guessing he's still high.

Dragun: Damn. To Slippy: You know without the retard you ain't half bad.

Slippy: Finally!

He pulls a string, and streamers and balloons fall. Then a banner that says, "SLIPPY'S GAY" appears.

Slippy: What?!

Falco: I replaced the banner.

Slippy: Jerk.

Dragun: To Everyone: Ya know what cookies are old it's PIE TIME!

He distributes pie, but leaves two on a table for Metal and Shadow since they were still fighting.

Everyone but Dragun, Shadow and Metal: Deliciously prodigious and prodigiously delicious!

Dragun: I thought so. To Shadow: You know this place seems to get ultra rowdy at times. Do you need a 'just in case bodyguard' to show up when necessary if ya don't wanna take care o' the punks yourself.

Shadow: I think you're onto something. Urgh! Metal, I'm deciding something. Hold up!

He quits playing, coincidentally ending the song.

Shadow: That sounds good. Just sign the contract when you get up to the VIP balcony.

Metal: Another crewmember?

Shadow: It's my show. I'll do as I wish. Just like I'm gonna tell you to stop attacking me and help host the show and be the Guitar Guy.

Metal: Fine.

Dragun: To Wolf: You know Wolf I remember you calling me a dumbass last time I was here and I didn't appreciate that. I have been perfecting my new Dragon Sword fighting style, care to test my skills.

He pulls out two katanas.

Wolf: Sorry, but I have rule against fighting pure dumbasses.

Dragun: Dragon Style: Inferno Roundhouse!

He charges at Wolf and kicks him up in the air. He then jumps up and lands kicks in almost every place he could, all the while keeping him up in the air. One final kick was delivered, sending Wolf to the ground. He then threw the swords to either side of Wolf, sticking straight up. An inferno erupts around him. Once it's done, part of his fur is charred.

Timid: Did I hear a dragon roar during that last kick?

Dragun: Of course. 'Kay, that's all. I'll go sign that contract.

He jumps to the balcony.

Shadow: Well, now that I'm back in control and Metal is in full shredding position, let's bring out our next guest. Here he is, formally known as Paranoid, is Forever Fades Away!

Metal begins playing "Through The Never" as a black figure takes form on the stage. Forever stands up once the aura is cast away.

Forever: You just don't stop improving the show, huh?

Shadow: Nope. I just thought the show could use some good guitar.

Forever: Brilliant. To Fox: What are your views on Christmas?

Fox: Best holiday of the year. Duh.

Wolf: Not everyone thinks the same way.

Metal: And yours would be…?

Wolf: Halloween. Scaring the shit out of kids, who doesn't love that?

Shadow: Ya know, he has a point.

Forever: Which scares me. To Falco: If you could, would you steal Christmas from the happy villagers from who-ville?

Falco: No. Who wants one of those retarded gifts? The names sound like someone made them up while they were high!

Leon: Took you that long to notice?

Bill: I wouldn't be talking, Weedy.

Forever: To Krystal: Merry Christmas!

Krystal: Little late for it, but thank you!

Slippy: Could someone let me down?

He was still hanging, but the end of the string was tied to Metal's Jackhammer amp. Shadow threw a kunai at it, and the toad fell.

Slippy: Ow! Thanks…

Forever: To Wolf: your heart needs to grow 3 sizes bigger.

Wolf: So does your dick, limpy.

Forever: How would you know without looking?

Wolf: …Blackmail requires some sickening situations.

Timid: Like looking at other guys' manhood?

Wolf: Exactly. I threw up on the spot. Strange enough, his thing was green.

Fay: Um…I think you were staring at Slippy's.

Wolf: …

He throws up in a nearby bucket.

Miyu: Wow, we haven't spoken in a while. I hope we get more questions next time.

Forever: To Leon:

He gives him a present.

Leon: Sweet.

He opens it and holds up a huge bag of weed.

Leon: Very funny.

Forever: It is. To Panther: Care to explain THIS!

He holds up a bag of weed and a stack of boy on boy porn.

Panther: That's not mine!

Forever: Prove it!

Panther: It says "property of Leon" on all of it!

Leon: Eh…

Forever: To Shadow:

He gives him a pile of cookies.

Shadow: Sweet!

He takes them all and runs downstairs.

Forever: To Timid:

He gives her a present. She opens it, and it's a cookie.

Timid: Thanks. I've been starving all this time.

Metal: Why didn't you ask Shadow for food?

Timid: I was, but someone kept him preoccupied over usage of a catchphrase.

Metal: …Eh…

Forever: To Fox: did something happen last Christmas you're ashamed of?

Fox: Not really. But my memory's a bit fuzzy.

Peppy: Now you know how I feel.

Forever: You sure?

He holds up a picture of Fox incredibly drunk and running nude across a street in Corneria City with a wreath around his neck.

Fox: Uh…I don't remember that…

Falco: Sure you don't.

Fox: Falco, I think I'd remember getting drunk, streaking, stripping Peppy and taking pictures of him to post on the Internet!

Everyone but Fox: …

Fox: Uh…I mean…

Forever: To everyone: Well, have a merry Christmas! Even though it's late.

He pushes a button and a strange purple gas leaks out.

Krystal: What is this?!

Fox: What the-

Wolf: What did you do?!

Fay and Miyu: We're not ready to die!

Forever: To Shadow:

He walks up with a layer of chocolate around his mouth.

Shadow: Too much…(burp)…chocolate chip cookies.

Forever: (whisper) It's grape juice, ginger ale, and dry ice

Shadow: Oh good. I was afraid I would have to get a lawyer for all the deaths.

Forever: No problem. See ya! BYE YALLS!

He is warped to the balcony. Everyone but the authors were freaking out from the gas. And me of course, I'm so calm hehe.

Shadow: Everyone, calm down! It's nothing!

_They continue to scream. Timid steps forward. She concentrates a large amount of wind energy in her right hand. She throws it to the ground and all the gas is expelled._

Shadow: Whoa…

Timid: Wind Eruption. Works well, huh?

Shadow: Yeah…

Metal: Scared or aroused?

He punches Metal.

Shadow: Alright, back to the show. Next on our line up is ShadowFox!

Applause sounds when he steps through the portal.

ShadowFox: 'Kay, listen. I don't have any questions.

Authors: What?!

ShadowFox: Instead, I have a request.

They huddle up for a discussion.

Wolf: What now?

Falco: Some dumbass idea, I'm guessing.

Bill: But what?

Fay: I don't see what's the big deal.

Miyu: Yeah, what could go wrong?

Fox: You two are fan girls, you wouldn't understand the negatives to a guy like Shadow.

The authors separate and nod their heads.

Shadow: Okay. That sounds good.

He snaps his fingers and ShadowFox disappears.

Metal: That's gonna be hilari-egg.

Falco: Hilari-egg?

Metal: Hilari-egg.

Wolf: What the hell are you guys talking about?

Shadow: Oh nothing.

The authors don evil smiles.

Shadow: So, up next we have one of my personal favorites, not to mention a real extra miler with questions and actions. You know, you might love him, give it up for-

Suddenly, a small little child walks in wearing a white nightgown with black and red crystal like marks on it, and the child begins to cry.

Metal: Huh?

The child turns to Krystal.

??: Krystal…can I get…a hug from you?

Krystal: …Sure.

She smiles and walks up to the child, wrapping her arms around her. Suddenly, the child bites down on Krystal's neck, and a blue aura could be seen leaking out into the child's mouth. Krizz walks in a second later.

Krizz: Hey, sorry I'm a little late… THANATOS! LET'S GO OF KRYSTAL'S BODY AT ONCE, AND STOP SUCKING HER SOUL OUT. NOW! And get inside the scythe, NOW!

Thanatos: Baka, you never let me have any fun anymore.

Krizz: Inside. The. Scythe. NOW!... Wait, wait, wait, you can suck out Slippy's soul if you want.

Thanatos chases after Slippy.

Shadow: I can't let her kill the show's main punching bag. But I don't wanna get near that thing. Metal, take her out.

Metal: Right-o.

He plugs in a wah pedal into the guitar. He hits a power cord and presses down on the pedal repeatedly. Thanatos starts twitching and runs to Krizz. She is sucked into the scythe.

Krizz: Sorry about that Krystal.

Krystal was lying on Fox, only half-conscious.

Krizz: Now, here we are. Oh, by the way, sweet guitar.

Metal: Thanks.

Krizz: To Shadow: Exactly how far can I blackmail someone here?

Shadow: Oh, very far. I expect you to think of something good next time. If anyone can do it, you can.

Wolf: Or me.

Shadow: I DIDN'T ASK YOU! NOW GO PUT ON THE FAIRY COSTUME!

Wolf: No.

Shadow: You signed this contract, saying that you would.

Wolf: And the catch?

Shadow: I won't let it slip that you're due for a dentist checkup.

Wolf: I'll go put it on now! Where is it?!

He runs downstairs.

Shadow: Anyone got a camera?

Falco: What's the point? This is being aired live.

Shadow: Yes…Excellent.

Krizz: To Peppy: HAHA… I found out how to get the "A.t.H.U.o.Y." power. (Annoy the Hell Out of Youngsters)

Peppy: Congrats! Join me in the fight!

Krizz: Maybe later. Kinda busy. Shadow, why the hell do you hide the newspaper from me?! In my day-

Shadow: NO! HE'S USING THE POWERS!

Metal: I can stop him!

He plays a few notes and a shield forms around them.

Timid: Yaha! What now, Krizz?!

Krizz: Back when I was a wee lad-

Authors except Krizz: AAAHHH! STOP, PLEASE, STOP!

Krizz: Yaha! To Peppy: I'm 16 years old and already found out how to find the meaning with our life…Hmm, that was corny. Have you found out the meaning with your life?

Peppy: Yeah. Live a happy life without getting killed.

Shadow quickly hides the remote.

Peppy: And never become victim to another Q&A.

Metal quits writing on his notepad.

Peppy: That's just a summation, but it says enough.

Wolf walks back up, dressed like a fairy. Everyone laughs but Shadow. Wolf tries not to get discouraged.

Wolf: He'll probably wanna add, "get laid for the second time before dying" on that list.

Peppy: Yeah. Which reminds me, can I get your mom's phone number, Wolf? She might be able to help me with that.

Everyone but Wolf: BURN!

Krizz: To Peppy: Hey can you write down the moral story you told me last time? I think I slept through it last time or I can't remember it.

Peppy: In fact, I got a copy here. You can have it.

He hands him a dictionary-sized book.

Shadow: The moral of your story is in that?!

Peppy: Heavens no. There are 45 more volumes, all the same size.

Everyone else: What?!

Peppy: I also have three other series: 'Inside the Life of a Mercenary', 'Raising a Child', and 'Raising a Child: Interspecies edition'.

Metal: Damn, dude. So that's what you do in your spare time.

Peppy: Uh-huh. Any stupid comments, Shadow?

Shadow: H.

Peppy: H?

Shadow: H.

Krizz: To the gals: I'm not a pervert. I'm simply gathering info about female furry population behaviors, since I am soon a human/lion hybrid.

He transforms his left arm to a furry paw.

Authors except Krizz: Gasp!

Females: GASP!

Men: What?

Krizz: Huh?

Fox: Playing Scrabble.

Falco: Fox, you retard! Guestimate is not a word!

Fox: It is to me! Go suck a dick!

Wolf: Does that mean prodigiousness isn't a word either.

Shadow: Apparently not, according to the spell check.

Metal and Timid: Huh?

Shadow: 4TH WALL BREAKAGE!

Krizz: What are talking about?

Shadow: Nothing.

Krizz: To Panther: One normal male panthers and felines "pelvis" there are those small fangs like thing called "barbs". Do you have barbs on your "pelvis" to? And you shall answer me, or else "that" picture and "that" movie of you can be seen on the news tomorrow night!

Panther: Uh…

Leon: Picture? Movie? What the hell is he talking about?

Wolf: Panther, care to explain?

Panther: I'll just answer the question. Like I'm telling you.

Wolf: Oh really?

Shadow suddenly pulled out all three of his blades: Zanpaku-to in his right hand, Zabuza's blade in left, and the Shadow Requiem keyblade in mouth by the handle.

Wolf: Okay…whatever.

Panther: Well, yeah I do, if you mean what I think you mean.

Krizz: Alrighty then. To Panther: Are the "barbs" used to inflict pain or pleasure on the woman's vaginal walls?

Panther: Do I have to?

Shadow puts away the other swords and puts his Zanpakuto forward.

Shadow: I'll bring out this thing's true form.

Falco: Oh, please, what can that thing do?

The room got a bit darker. Falco shouldn't have done that.

Metal: What the hell?

Timid: Shadow…?

Shadow is surrounded with shadow aura.

Shadow: Awaken, Oblivion's Inscription.

Suddenly, his Zanpakuto grows larger. Along the blunt end, small knives start sticking straight up, spaced out at 3-inch intervals.

Timid: Shadow! NO!

She jumps at Shadow and wraps her arms around him. His face stays emotionless, but the aura disappears. The Zanpakuto changes back, too.

Metal: What happened?

Timid: He activated his Zanpakuto, and apparently unleashed some inner power, too.

Metal: He can rest downstairs. We'll keep the show running.

Timid leads Shadow downstairs to a bedroom. He fell asleep quickly.

* * *

Up in the VIP balcony…

Bailey: Dude, what the hell?

Starfoxluver: I don't know. That what epic, though.

Suddenly, the broken TV in the corner comes to life. There is heavy breathing and coughing. An old and cracked mask appears on the screen.

Steel: What's going on?

??: You think you have gotten rid of me Shadow? Oh no. It has only begun...the games are only just beginning...you've had but a small taste of what's to come. You think you can just quit the game? I'm sorry but my game does not allow for one to just quit. You either play or you die...

Metallic: What does he mean?

??: Now that you've awakened the Inner Essence, things should be getting interesting.

There is heavy breathing heard.

Forever: The fuck…?

??: Let's play a game, Shadow.

The screen flickers off.

BigDragun: Should we tell Shadow?

Bailey: It's probably no big deal.

Starfoxluver: Hmm… I wonder…

* * *

Metal: As you were saying, Panther?

Panther: Mostly pleasure.

Timid: Mostly?

Panther: Yeah…The other time I had to pay off a few medical bills.

Krizz: To Panther: since we all know that you don't last long in bed, but that is expected since we are felines, and they don't last long in the short run, but in the long run we are the best. Are I'm correct?

Panther: Well yeah, but-

A purple flash appears in the entire room, then disappears.

Timid: Huh?

Metal: It's nothing. So, yeah Panther. You don't last long in bed, but in long run you are the best. Is this true?

Panther: What're you talking about? I last a while.

Timid: No you don't. Wolf has proof.

Wolf: The only thing I've proofed is that he is such a pervert, he's able to last a while.

Metal: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!?!

Krizz: Shadow must've undone some spell to make Panther a premature ejaculator. And Wolf bought it.

Metal: I think he's gonna get this show less reception if he keeps being retarded.

Timid punches him, knocking him down. She grabs his guitar and brings up her leg, threatening to break it.

Metal: NO! NOT MY GUITAR!

Timid: Don't talk smack about my sweetheart!

Metal: Okay, fine!

She hands him the guitar.

Krizz: To Fox: do you have a knot (like wolfs) to tie with when you mate? Because I have read somewhere that SOME foxes are felines. Q nr.2: are you one of them?

And you shall answer me, or else "that" movie of you can be seen on the news tomorrow!

Fox: Another stupid movie?

Krizz: Yeah. Answer the question!

He holds up a plunger.

Fox: Huh?

Slippy: OH MY GOD! FOX, HE MEANS IT! ANSWER HIM!!

Fox: …? Um…No, I don't have a knot to tie. The genitalia of all Lylatians are pretty much the same as humans.

Krizz: Really?

Fox: Yep. And no, I'm not really a feline…I don't think. The proper term for me is vulpine.

Krizz: Yes…But anything can be proven.

Fox: Eh?

Krizz: Oh, nothing! Since shadow's recuperated, I can't challenge him, can I?

Timid: Nope. Go to your next question, we'll get your fight later.

Krizz: 'Kay then. To Wolf: what did you do… Thanatos, stop striping Wolf NOW, and get away from his lap…

Thanatos runs back into the scythe, leaving Wolf a bit phased in his seat.

Krizz: Eh hehe. Wow Thanatos, you work fast, manage to strip Wolf and get him hard without him noticing you. And Wolf… I didn't know you love Fox.

On him was a shirt that read "I Love Fox" on it in red with the background in pink. A picture of Fox was below it.

Wolf: What the hell? As if the fairy outfit wasn't enough.

Krizz: But where was I? …Oh what did you do in the first Sauria crisis? I guess simply just mated with every female in the Lylat system?

Wolf: Yeah. Pretty much.

Krizz: Ironic hearing that, at least with that shirt you have on. And, of course, the fairy outfit.

Wolf: …I hate this show so much.

Krizz: To Katt: What would you do if you get in a situation where you get…

Slowly, his tail creeps over to her, but she notices.

Krizz: WIN A FREE TOUR, sponsored by non-other than me. You will get a little R&R in a 7 star hotel on Earth, a beach 160meter from the hotel, eat as much as you and your BOYFRIEND want and you can stay there for two WEEKS. Now what do you say?

Katt: Sounds great! Better than that stay at the Twilight Hotel.

Krizz: Great!

He pulls a contract out of his jacket.

Krizz: You just need to sign here…here…and here.

Once the required places were signed, fireworks billow out of Krizz's hands.

Krizz: It's been set up for whenever you be ready!

Katt: How about now?

Metal: No can do. Maybe when season one is over.

Katt: (Feline growl)

Metal: Stand down.

Metal makes an extremely annoying squeal on the guitar. All but Katt have earmuffs.

Katt: AAHH! OKAY, OKAY!!

Metal: Good kitty.

Krizz: To Fox: Hey doesn't the announcer guy remind you about someone that we all know? We can only hear his voice and not see him, I think his name begins on "A" and ends with a "ndross". Do you think I am right?

Fox: I don't know.

_Andross?! You think I'm that retarded ass monkey?!_

Metal: Hehe…Ass monkey.

I'm someone way better than he is. And my name is…Nicholas Eddie James Larry Jeff Diesel Freeman Martin MacFarlene Radcliffe!

Everyone: …Really?

No. But it would be messed up if it were.

Fox: I suppose that answers your question.

Krizz: To Krystal: So you hate even the work where you are being paired with humans. Those that mean you hate the Authors that make them, lets say KrzyKrn K. and lanceXstorm5, do you hate them?

Krystal: Well, I guess that was a bit harsh. I'm just addicted to Fox.

Metal: Is that what they call that new drug?

Krystal: No that's crackainethetamine.

Metal: Oh yeah.

Krystal: Their stories are good…I'm sorry everyone! I'm okay with it!

Krys: (Up in the balcony) Thanks!

Krizz: To Krystal: What is so wrong with Human/furry? Remember we humans are animals to? And you can even look on Katt and Falco. He's a BIRD and she's a CAT and it stills work out. And if it wasn't for us "human" you and all the furry population wouldn't even existed!

Krystal: I got it already! What else do you want?!

Krizz: (Captain Falcon pose) Show me your boobs!

Krystal begins pummeling him.

Metal: Dragun, get down here!

Dragun hops down and grabs Krystal. He sets her down in her seat.

Krizz: It hurts…But she grabbed my crotch…

Metal: You got some problems.

Krizz: To Falco: Did you know that I'm a chef? Well didn't think so. Want some Chic (chicken) cordon bleu?

Falco: Sounds good.

Everyone else: …

Timid: Cannibal.

Falco: He didn't say what kind of chicken though. It might be the kind not made from me.

Krizz: Well, it is.

Falco: AHH!! NO!!

Krizz: Suit yourself.

He starts eating the Chic cordon bleu already made. Falco faints.

Krizz: Delicious. To Peppy: You are still going to die of food poisoning, so want this home-made carrot cake? Don't worry, I'm an educated chef.

Peppy: …I guess.

He eats the cake…and falls over, dead.

Krizz: Oh ho! That IS unfortunate.

Star Fox team: Peppy!

The real Peppy walks up the stairs and sits down.

Metal: Wasn't that the High Speed Shadow Clone Jutsu?

Timid: Yeah…What is going on with Shadow?

Krizz: Something crazy, man. He's probably seen some things, man, and some stuff.

Timid: Would he recommend it?

Krizz: Y-…No…

Everyone else: …

Krizz: …Maybe…

Metal: Okay…

Krizz: To Panther: Want some milk?

Panther: No way! Not after last time!

Krizz takes out a glass of milk and mixes in some chocolate powder. After mixing it, he drinks it down.

Krizz: Panther, did you know the difference between milk and semen? Milk can easily be combined with chocolate powder, but semen can not. So I ask once more: Want some milk AND chocolate powder to be on the safe side?

Panther: Well, okay. I am a bit thirsty.

He drinks the glass that Krizz fixes up for him.

Krizz: I can't seriously believe that you fell for the same trick twice! REMEMBER I'M EVIL, almost pure EVIL.

Panther starts throwing up as Krizz laughs evilly.

Panther: Why must you do that?!

Krizz: Pure evil.

Metal: But you said almost.

Krizz: SILENCE!

He holds up the plunger again. Metal screams like a girl and goes into a fetal position behind his guitar.

Krizz: To Peppy: (In General Scales' voice) Do you still have the number for General Pepper's office? I forgot it.

Peppy: (In a trance-like voice) Yes, master.

He hands him the number on a piece of paper.

Krizz: Sweet.

He runs to the phone and dials the number. A monitor comes up to show Pepper's office.

Pepper: General Pepper's office.

Krizz: To Pepper: Fuck you, go fuck your mom and dad! Even a 3-year-old ape with AIDS could command better than you did in the Lylat War! Your are SOO pathetic that you make dirt look like holy ground! You couldn't even control a toy car, so go and die your old HAG.

Krizz destroys the phone.

Krizz: Hmm… I wonder what he does now? I hope he comes here and attacks, I need to feed Thanatos some souls. Glad he doesn't know that I'm an 'Angel of Death'.

Thanatos jumps out of the scythe.

Thanatos: Just want all here to know. Kristoffer is actually the 'the Grim Reaper' but he calls it 'Angel of Death' because it sounds nicer.

Krizz: Get back in the scythe NOW!

Thanatos jumps back in the scythe.

Wolf: That is one creepy little girl.

Falco: Shut up, Homo Fairy.

Wolf: What're you talking ab- Oh yeah, I'm still wearing this, aren't I?

Krizz: To Krystal: Bounty…

Krystal: Huh? Wait…

Krizz: To Krystal: You are a bounty…

Krystal: I swear, if you say-

Krizz: To Krystal: YOU HAVE A BOUNTY ON YOUR HEAD!

Krystal: Oh…Um…(Attempting to fake it) Ah, no! From who?

Krizz: I don't know, someone.

Krystal: …Okay.

Fox: Krystal, are hiding something-

Krystal: No! Everything fine!

…Not very convincing…

Krystal: Shut up, Announcer Guy!

Make me!

Krystal: I don't make garbage, I burn it.

…Touché.

Krizz: To all that got shaved: You really should be more careful with your DNA, someone could make clones of those small hair samples… Twist the genes and make 'em do whatever you want and even sell them on auction. So let's start and sent in the bids people!

A large pedestal comes up and Krizz stands on it.

Krizz: Our first packet, or also know Packet A, will start on 130 credits. Those two they like it rough in bed!

A copy of Katt and Krystal walk completely nude with leather whips tied to their legs. Oh, baby.

Panther: 200 credits!

Krizz: Any bids?

Panther: 400 credits!!

Krizz: Any at all?

Panther: 1000 CREDITS!!!

Wolf: 130 credits.

Krizz: Sold, to the guy in the fairy costume.

Wolf: I'll get my sample when I change.

He walks downstairs.

Panther: Grr.

Krizz: Our second packet, or also know Packet B, will start on 150 credits. This Packet is for those of you that like to cuddle and like being romantic in the bed.

A clone of Krystal and Katt walk in with fancy clothes on. Whoa, mama.

Panther: 500 credits!

Krizz: Any bids?

Panther: 1000 credits!!

Krizz: C'mon, people!

Panther: 3000 CREDITS!!!

Bill: 150 credits.

Krizz: Sold, to the horny mutt!

Bill: Hell yeah.

Panther: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Krizz: And our last, but best; Packet C. I wont tell anything other that they are CUTE.

And in walk the clone of Krystal and Katt…in…tight school uniforms. Uh…uh…Giggity…

Krizz: And the bid start on 350 credits.

Panther: 1000 credits!

Krizz: Do I hear an opening bid?

Panther: 5000 credits!!

Krizz: Hmm…Déjà vu.

Panther: 1,000,000 CREDITS!!!

350 credits.

Krizz: Sold, to the guy that influences me so much!

Alright! Giggity giggity giggity goo!

Panther: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Panther then starts rampaging around the stage until Dragun shoots him with a tranquilizer.

BigDragun: But that wasn't me!

Timid: Then who?

* * *

ShadowFox: Gotcha.

He then reaches over for a box of ammo. He reloads his sniper with actual ammo.

* * *

Krizz: Good earnings, yeah. I expected more, but oh well. To gals: HAHAHAHAHAH MHAHAHAHA… I'm EVIL right?

Katt and Krystal: Yes.

Fay and Miyu: Big time.

Timid: You shouldn't sell cloned women for pleasure.

Krizz: Well, what should I sell them for?

Timid: I don't know…Dietary aides?

Krizz: Yeah, I don't think so. Say, could you give this scroll to Shadow?

He hands her a scroll.

Krizz: It'll teach him the Cookie no Jutsu. And tell him Merry Christmas, even though it's late.

Timid: I'm on it!

She runs downstairs. Wolf walks back up in normal clothes and sits down.

Krizz: To all: Is it bad that I have soon used up all the Q to you guys?

Fox: No, it's a miracle.

Wolf: Sweet fortune!

Krizz: Wrong, I soon begin with random Q like: YOU GUYS HAVE FUR!

All of them except for the authors and the audience aim their blasters at Krizz. He then signals to Metal. As the blaster fires goes off. Metal jumps forward and projects a shield once he begins playing "Down With The Sickness". Half of Krizz's body then turns shadow black.

Krizz: "Down With The Sickness". How fitting.

The shield is released, and the blasters are thrown back by a surge of energy from Metal's guitar. He continues to play.

Krizz: Now lets walk inside the 'trophy room'.

They all enter the trophy room.

Krizz: Did you guys know that all these pelts and such are faux?

Peppy: They were fake the whole time?!

Krizz: Yep. It really amazed me; you have blasters and that entire high tech thingys and didn't fight back inside the 'prey room'. Are you guys really weak and afraid to fight back that you have to rely on Shadow's powers to survive?

Katt: There was a metal detector. It took away all of our weapons.

Krizz: But…I didn't put up a metal detector.

* * *

Shadow suddenly wakes up.

Shadow: Did someone just mention one of my awesome actions? Something about a metal detector? …Eh.

He then walks into the training room full of training clones of Flame Rising and Flamer Lucan. The sign said 'Vs. Flamer's Room'.

* * *

Krizz: Oh well.

Krizz transforms into his anthro lion form.

Krizz: To Miyu: after the show, want to go and get better known? I know an excellent 5 star restaurant that cooks the beef right on the spot. I know I look evil, but that's only when I'm working, and right now I'm simply waiting for a soul to leave its body. CoughcoughPeppyHarecoughcough. So, want to get better known?

Miyu: …Hmm…Sure, why not?

Krizz: Resplendent! How about 7:00pm tonight?

Miyu: Uh-huh, yeah.

Krizz: Again, resplendent!

A comfortable chair appears out of nowhere.

Krizz: I'll just take my seat right here.

As he sits, a large stream of flatulence sounds radiate throughout the stadium.

Krizz: SLIPPY, I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!

He chases after him. Before he could harm the slippery little green thing that possibly was conceived from Wolf and Panther through a strange case of male pregnancy, Metal starts tap strumming. The climbing solo stops Krizz from running and makes him float up to the balcony.

Timid: Thank you.

Metal: S'what I do, s'what I do.

Timid: 'Kay, now that we've taken care of the overachiever, we'll get on with another guest. Up next is-

Suddenly, Dragun falls on the stage.

Dragun: Damn it, Krizz! That was my seat!

Timid: Need any help?

Dragun: No…Actually, I have more questions.

Timid: Okay. Let's do this!

Dragun: To Wolf: Why don't you just come up with some awesome excuse for the eye rather than admit your wimpness to all?

Wolf: Shadow's the idiot who came up with the paper airplane thing!

Metal: How much did he pay you?

Wolf: One chocolate bar.

He gets on the ground like Froto and starts eating the chocolate.

Wolf: My precious. I love my precious. But they wants me to eat precious so I's gets fat! But precious so good…

Everyone else: …

Dragun: Okay…How did he lose his eye anyway?

Timid: Shot in the eye when he was caught off guard.

Dragun: Uh-huh…Still lame.

Wolf: My precious…WHAT?!?!

Dragun: You're Wolf. You shouldn't get caught off guard.

Wolf: WHY YOU LITTLE-

Dragun: I'll steal your precious.

Wolf: NO! MY precious, MINE I SAY!!

Dragun: To Miyu and Fay: How did it feel when you guys got short-changed out of Team Star Fox's super fun adventures?

Fay: It sucked ass!

Miyu: I wanted to rip the creator's dick off!

Dragun: I'm sure we all did.

Miyu: And then I would-

She gets sealed into a glass chamber that keeps everyone from hearing what she had to say next.

Metal: Fiery…Rowr.

Timid: Really, Metal?

Metal: What?

Timid: Just…tune your guitar or something.

Metal: Meh.

Dragun:To Bill: What are you normally doing when Fox is out blasting people and enjoying himself? Buried in mountains of work? If so that must suck to the extreme.

Bill: …Not as much as you think.

Fox: Just what kind of work do you do?

Bill: None of your business that's what kind!

Psst! Fox, he looks up porn on a site called "Doggie Style . com".

Bill: You dirty rat!

I'm not a rat. …Terrance is a rat.

Bill: Who?

You'd know if you read "Only Force Rules", Shadow's new fic that he is working on with Forever and Hakkyou.

WTDMTN: (Up in the balcony) My new name is When The Day Met The Night!

Simple mistake.

Dragun: To Peppy: I have been wondering this. How did Pigma exactly betray you and Fox's Dad?

Peppy: He did something terrible. He redirected the autopilot on the Great fox, locked the controls, and ran. After that, there was only one Arwing left. James insisted that I take it.

Dragun: Funny. I would've thought he thrown James favorite bath toy in the airlock and watched him go after it straight to Andross.

Fox launches up and starts assaulting Dragun with a pogo stick.

Falco: What's with the pogo stick?

Metal: Q&A "Madness".

Falco: Oh yeah.

Peppy grabs Fox and stops him from hurting Dragun.

Fox: That…THAT…

Peppy: Fox, calm down.

Fox walks back to his seat, trying his best not to cry.

Krystal: …Oh, Fox.

She hugs him, and he starts to cry a bit. The audience "Aw"s, and Peppy gives Dragun the death glare.

Peppy: See what you did?! You upset him by bringing that up!

Dragun: …

Timid: Um…I don't think he's breathing.

Metal: Medic!

Two Chansy's walk in with a stretcher. They put Dragun on it, and walk away.

Metal: Aw man! …I wanted to hug the Chansey…

Timid: Maybe next time.

* * *

Shadow steps out of the training room and grabs a towel. He glances over to the TV with the live air of Q&A Madness on it. He chuckles at Metal's inner dream to hug a Chansey. He then heads to the shower. Suddenly, the TV goes to static, and a mask appears on the screen.

??: Hello Shadow.

Shadow stops.

Shadow: Did I just hear something?

Nothing.

Shadow: Must've been my imagination. …It sounded familiar, though.

He steps into the shower. The sound of it drowns out the TV.

??: Where have you heard me voice? Maybe in a game that we've played in the past? Some unforeseen event has led me back to your show and your poor little contestants. Shadow Shinobi...Let's play a game.

The screen goes back to the show.

* * *

Timid: So, while we wait for our friend to get back from the emergency room, we'll bring on our next guest. Here he is! Krys!

The crowd goes nuts as he enters. Metal plays the beginning to "Enter Sandman".

Krys: Uh-huh. That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.

Timid: Sorry to hear about what happened with you and TheBestThereIsOnThisSite.

Krys: It's okay. He's gone, so let's all forget about it.

Metal: Alright, so…Your questions?

Krys: Are the Human/Krystal stories really that bad?

Timid: I like them. It's just that Krystal is addicted to Fox…

Krystal is sprawled on the ground.

Peppy: What happened to her?!

Fox: She almost overdosed after sniffing me!

Timid: …And Shadow, I'm guessing, hasn't read very many of them and just is used to the Fox/Krystal pairing.

Krys: Well, you think you could talk to him about it? I know you, of all people, can turn him around.

Timid: I sure can, and will.

Krys: Fantastic, then. I'll just…take a seat up there.

He jumps up to the balcony.

Timid: So, our next guest happens to be Starfighter!

Smoke bombs are thrown through the windows, obscuring everyone's vision. Once it appears, Starfighter is clad in full camo with a gattling gun and rocket launcher strapped to his back.

Starfighter: Never know whose gonna show up.

A random soldier jumps from a trapdoor and lunges at Starfighter. He quickly pulls out a dagger and kills the soldier.

Starfighter: Via con dios.

Metal: Gesundheit.

Starfighter: Who are you?

Metal: I'm Metal, the Guitar Guy.

Starfighter: Metal? As in Metallica? Slayer? Bullet For My Valentine?

Metal: System Of A Down. Avenged Sevenfold. Children Of Bodom.

Both: Dream Theater. Megadeth. Disturbed. Korn. Alice In Chains.

Starfighter: You're the real deal. Play me something.

Metal: 'Kay.

He starts playing a very fast solo, switching from tap strumming to regular, using the wha pedal in between and accidentally set loose some of his power. Starfighter got blown back a few feet. Once it ended, he got back up.

Starfighter: Nice. To Fox: So how's the bike treatin ya?

Fox: Great. Really great.

Falco: He crashed it.

Starfighter: …He did what?

Fox: That lamppost was in my blind spot.

Falco: Your mom's not in mine.

Fox: My mom's dead.

Everyone but Falco: NECROPHELIAC!!

Falco: …I didn't think that one through.

Starfighter: To Katt: Were you hitting on me before or just trying to make a few bucks with your "talents"?

Katt: Hmm…A little of both.

She purrs and walks by him, rubbing her tail across his crotch area.

Starfighter: No thanks, not interested.

Katt: Hmph! Your loss.

Starfighter: Loss of pleasure, salvation from herpes.

Katt: What was that?!

Starfighter: Nothing. To Bill: Do you ever take any leave from active duty? You seem like a barracks rat.

Bill: Yeah, kinda. I do take some time off to do whatever the hell I want.

Hehehe… "Doggie Style . com".

Bill: I heard that!

So what, bitch? Whatcha gonna do?

Bill: Two guys, one cup.

NO! NOT THAT!!

Bill: Hehe.

Starfighter: To Katt: What kind of music do you like?

Katt: Rock, Metal, Punk…That area.

Metal: (Whispering to Starfighter) I can name another that she likes, if you catch my drift.

Katt: Isn't the ability to eavesdrop wonderful?

Metal: (Gulp).

Starfighter: To Krystal: Are all Cerinian girls as dirty as you are, or are you just an exception?

Krystal: I'm very much an exception. How many Cerinians get high from their true love?

Leon: I don't even think anyone but you experience that.

Krystal: Oh, what do you know?! You get high off of weed and beat your meat to boy on boy porn.

Leon: Stop pinning that on me!

Starfighter: Wolf: How good of a swords man are you? If you are good, care to duel?

Wolf: Hell yeah!

They pick up the swords that appear out of nowhere. They assume a fighting stance, and then charge at each other. They block each others hit, then again, and again. It gets boring after a few minutes, so Metal picks up a chocolate var.

Metal: Oh Wolf! It's you precious!

Wolf: My precious!

He grabs it and acts like Froto again. Starfighter swings the sword at him, but instead of the sound of steel meeting flesh, a squeak comes out of the sword. Starfighter discovers it to be a plastic toy and not a deadly weapon.

Starfighter: Well, this was a rip off.

Metal: You wanted a sword fight, but you didn't say what KIND of sword.

Starfighter: Oh yeah.

Metal: Yeah…Think about that…Bitch.

Starfighter: What?!

Metal: Nothing.

Starfighter: To Fox: I have two tickets to a three day Heavy Metal fest, wanna go?

Fox: I'm kinda busy. Sorry.

Metal: A Heavy Metal fest?! Whose gonna be there?!

Starfighter: Pretty much everyone we said earlier.

Metal: CAN I GO?! CAN I GO?! CAN I GO?! CAN I GO?! CAN I GO?! CAN I GO?! CAN I GO?! CAN I GO?! CAN I GO?! CAN I GO?! CAN I GO?! CAN I GO?! CAN I GO?! CAN I GO?! CAN I GO?! CAN I GO?! CAN I GO?! CAN I GO?! CAN I GO?! CAN I GO?! CAN I GO?! CAN I GO?! CAN I GO?!?!?!?!

Starfighter: Sure, why not?!

Metal: YES!!! YES!!! AWESOME!! This is gonna be more awesome than that Metallica concert I went to last November!

Note to all of you, he really did. Remember that this guy is Shadow's friend in real life.

Metal: THANKS!!

Starfighter: Alright, settle down, Spazz. You're welcome.

Falco: Why couldn't I go? I'm a metal head, too!

Starfighter: 'Cause he actually plays guitar.

Metal: So wait, if Shadow was here and he asked, would you take him instead?

Starfighter: Hell yeah! That guy is beast!

Metal: Wow…Upstaged by a lousy Q&A writer-

Timid starts choking Metal.

Metal: Okay, I'm sorry! Please stop!

Timid: Stop belittling Shadow-kun!

Metal: …Did you say "Shadow-kun"?

Timid: Maybe.

Starfighter: To all: Do any of you play any instruments?

Metal: I play guitar awesomely!

Starfighter: Besides you, Spazz.

Everyone else: Nothing.

Starfighter: Really, guys?

Krystal: Well, I'm okay with an ocarina.

Starfighter: …That was unexpected.

Krystal pulls out the ocarina and plays a tune from Legend of Zelda. (I can't quite name it. It's the tune in Twilight Princess when you're hunting the little skeleton kid thing in the forest area.)

Starfighter: Not bad. To Falco: What was the dumbest thing you have ever done?

Falco: I can't quite remember-

Katt: Here, I have a list.

She pulls out a notepad.

Falco: You've been keeping track of everything I've done?!

Katt: Yep. And this is just one notepad of stupid things you've done.

There is a ten-foot stack of full notepads behind Katt.

Starfighter: Damn. So what's the dumbest?

Katt: It's a 4976 way tie.

Starfighter: Damn…again. Well, all I got. Since I don't have any real author powers that bend reality around me, anyone wanna help me up to the balcony?

Timid: Sure. Wind Release: Sonic Air Current!

She brings her hand down to the ground, and a stream of wind carries Starfighter up to the balcony.

Timid: So now, my questions. But first…

She walks over to a switch and pulls it. The floor opens to reveal an elevator like system that raises a platform from below.

* * *

Shadow gets out of the shower and into a towel. As he dries his air with a second towel, he suddenly feels a rising feeling. He opens his eyes and sees that he's on the raising platform. In a few seconds, he's on the stage with Timid looking triumphant. Most of the crowd cheers and whistles, while the others yell in disgust.

Guys: AGH! NAKED Q&A HOST!

Girls except Timid: …

Timid: Hey, Hun.

She kisses him enthusiastically.

Shadow: Um…Can I go get some clothes?

Timid: Sure.

He teleports away.

Timid: To Fay: Do you have any siblings?

Fay: Nah. Only child. Kinda boring.

Miyu: I'm like a sister to you, aren't I?

Fay: Of course you are.

They hug.

Metal: (Whispering) C'mon, make out already.

Timid: Seriously, Shadow?

Metal: I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING!

Timid: Sure… To Krystal: Same as Fay.

Krystal: No. I'm an only child, too.

Wolf: This repetition is shallow and pedantic.

Metal: So is your face.

Wolf: Where'd you get that comeback, pansy?

Metal: Your mom, after I got done plowing her.

Everyone but Wolf: BURN!!

Timid: To Miyu: Were/are you Panther's girlfriend?

Miyu: What?! No! Why would I go out with…

She looks at Panther, but her sentence is cut short. She is strangely interested in him.

Metal: Ahem!

Miyu looks back, looking as stubborn as ever.

Miyu: N-no! I never was, am not, nor ever will be, his girlfriend!

Hmm…Me-thinks otherwise.

Timid: To Bill: Get some fresh pictures of Fay! I stood on one and it won't come off my shoe!

Bill: Huh?

A picture is stuck to Timid's shoe. Bill walks up and rips it off. Once he looks at it, his eyes go wide and he pants a bit.

Fay: Wait, let me see.

She saw that the picture is of her in the shower. Nothing was covered at all.

Fay: You pervert!

She slaps Bill. The picture flies in the air and lands on Metal's face.

Metal: AAAH! Get it off! It feels so unnatural!

Timid rips it off his face and destroys it with a jolt of lightning.

Timid: To Shadow: I'm 14, actually. I just forgot to update my profile.

Metal: He's not here, remember?

Timid: Oh. Sorry, I didn't notice him leave. I was…distracted.

Metal: (Whispering) Yeah, you and about every fangirl in the audience.

Timid: To all: Who else here hates Shaky? 'Cuz I do!

Metal: Not familiar with him.

Everyone else: Uh-huh.

Timid: That was nothing. Let's here it.

Everyone else: We said uh-huh, what else do you want from us?!

Timid: Maybe to stop talking unison.

Everyone: …Yeah…

Timid: To Miyu: What do you think about Forbidden Lynx?

Miyu: I loved it. Great story and such. But the pairing seems a little unbelievable.

Timid: How so?

Miyu: Me and Panther? I really don't think that he…

She ends up looking at him again, and she slowly stops speaking.

Metal: YO MIYU! You still with us?

Miyu: Huh? What?

Timid: Unbelievable my ass. To Wolf: If you say, "women are weak" ONE MORE SMEGGING TIME, I WILL SEND YOU TO THE PIT OF NIGHTMARES WITH MY A.A.P!

Wolf: OOH! I'm SO scared!

Timid opens up a portal in front of Wolf. He gets sucked in. Then, the portal closes.

Timid: I warned him. To all: Who here has played DOMO (Dream Of Mirror Online)?

Everyone: Uh…No one.

Metal: And I'm pretty sure Shadow is done with MMORPGs since Runescape.

Timid: Well, how many people in the audience.

A good number raise their hands.

Timid: To all: What do you think of DOMO?

Those who raised their hands cheered.

Timid: That's right! Well, that's all I have. So, now we have a new guest by the name of Dark Chewbacca.

He walks through the portal that opened up. Hehe…We'll call him Chewy.

Chewy: Whatever floats your boat. To everyone: WHO STOLE THE COOKIES FROM THE COOKIE JAR!??!!?!!??!?!??!?!?!?!?

Metal: What cookie jar?

Chewy: The one that says 'Property of Metal' on it.

Metal: My…COOKIES?!?!?! WHO ATE THEM?!?!?!

Leon suddenly burps.

Metal: IT WAS YOU!! I'LL KILL YOU!!

Leon: No wait! I didn't-

Metal: Art of the Tap Strum: Squealing Death!

Three Marshall stack amps appear. A triple splitter cable connected the three, and Metal plugs them into his guitar.

Timid: Cover your ears!

Everyone does, but Leon is unable to because of Metal's jutsu. Metal then begins tap strumming extremely fast. It ends up being so loud that Leon's screams can't be heard. After ten seconds, Leon's head explodes. Metal stops, then collapses.

Timid: Send in the real Leon.

No one walks up.

Timid: W-wait…That was the real Leon?!?!

Panther: Oh my god, he killed Leon!

Wolf: You very skilled bastard!

Timid: Oh well.

She snaps her fingers and Leon is revived with his head intact.

Leon: Ow…My ears are ringing.

Metal: …

Metal's hands and ears start to bleed because of him strumming too much and being too close to the amps.

Timid: Get him to a medical room.

Two Chanseys come in and carry him downstairs.

Timid: Alright, so I'm all that's left. Great…

Chewy: To Shadow:

Timid: Not here. I'm hosting right now since he's downstairs.

Chewy: Fine. To Timid: Can I command Chewbacca and Yoda to kill Panther?

Timid: Sorry, no.

Chewy: Why not?!?!

Timid: 1) We'll either bring him back or the High Speed Shadow Clone Jutsu will replace him with a clone, so there's no point in trying, and 2) We at Q&A Madness will parody a lot of things, but Star Wars will not be one of them.

Chewy: …I'm still doing it. KILL HIM!

Chewbacca and Yoda jump up and maul Panther to a bloody pulp. Shadow walks up the stairs, making the crowd cheer wildly.

Shadow: Really? Two killings in less than ten minutes?

Timid: I'm sorry Shadow.

Shadow: I know it's not you. I know you wouldn't let that happen if you had a choice. That's why I love you.

They kiss, producing an "Awww" from the crowd. Once they break away, Shadow walks up to Panther and returns him to normal.

Shadow: Why the hell is everyone getting killed this damn much?!

Yoda: Control your anger, you must.

Shadow: Shut it, you little wart.

He picks Yoda up and throws him out the window of the stadium. But before he did, he steals his lightsaber. Once he activates it, the green light turned black. With Chewbacca, he cut him up with the lightsaber.

Chewy: WHY?!?!

Shadow: Don't worry. I used the High Speed Shadow Clone Jutsu, then teleported them back to wherever they were before you brought them here.

Chewy: That's a relief.

Shadow: Now, unless you wanna end up like that Chewbacca clone, I suggest you go up to the balcony.

Chewy: Why are you so pissy all of a sudden?

Shadow: (Sounding like Bill Cosby) I'm in a bad mood, and I'm gonna take it out on you!

Chewy: Yoink!

He dodges Shadow's attack and jumps up to the balcony.

Shadow: Alright, I'm back in charge. So, our next guest is one I've been looking forward to. Here he is, straight from the insane asylum, Days of the Phoenix!

He walks up dragging a clone of himself.

Shadow: No hard feelings, dude?

Phoenix: Nah. That was just a clone of me anyway.

The clone goes into a fetal position, singing "Pop Goes The Weasel" while crying. Shadow tries to hold back laughter.

Shadow: Wow, I really messed him up didn't I? HAHAHA!!

Phoenix: Bill: I don't care if you think I'm a monster!

Bill: Yeah well…I don't care that…you're bi!

Phoenix: I don't care that you go to "Doggie Style . com"!

Bill: STOP WITH THAT!!

Phoenix: To Miyu: Well, on the contrary, I think you're a very pretty kitty.

Miyu: Aww, thanks.

She rubs up against him and purrs. He slowly brings his hand to her ass, and she purrs more.

Shadow: Okay, okay. Quit this and get on with the questions.

Phoenix: To Wolf: It's awesome. When you swing both ways, you're pretty much open for anything.

Wolf: Why are you telling me this? I'm completely straight.

Phoenix: …Well, I was certainly misinformed. SLIPPY!!

Slippy: What? Can't blame a guy for trying.

Wolf: Try what?

Slippy: I thought Phoenix was crazy enough to rape you instead of just turning away.

Wolf: You were trying to get him to rape me?!

Phoenix: Oh wait…I was supposed to even if he wasn't bi?

Slippy: Yeah.

Phoenix: …Nah. I've got questions anyway. To Leon: O.0 Do we need to take you to a mental hospital?

Leon: No, I won't take my pants off!

Everyone: …

Shadow: More like rehab.

Phoenix: To Shadow: a... a... AH!... false alarm.

Shadow: Yeah. You'd better not sneeze on me, bitch.

Phoenix: What'd you say?

Shadow: I told Katt not to sneeze on me.

Katt: No he didn't. He said that to you-

A strip of duct tape is suddenly wrapped around her mouth.

Phoenix:To Krystal: Are you a germaphobe? My friends a... Ar ACHOO!

Snot sprays all over Krystal.

Krystal: Ew…Ew…

Phoenix: To Shadow: Um... I think she's going to freak out...

Krystal: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

She starts having a seizure.

Fox: Shadow, do something!

Shadow: You're right!

He conjures up some popcorn and sits down in front of Krystal. He starts eating the popcorn.

Shadow: I LOVE this show!

Fox: SHADOW!!

Shadow: Oh yeah. Right.

He puts his hands on Krystal, and his shadow aura spreads around her. The seizure stops. He then releases the aura and the snot is gone.

Krystal: Cover your mouth next time!

Phoenix: I'll keep that in mind…not. To ??: WHO ARE YOU!

The rapist clown that was sneaking up on Falco stops.

Phoenix: Don't touch him!

The clown turns to leave.

Phoenix: No wait! You can have Wolf.

The clown smiles and jumps on Wolf.

Wolf: AAHH!! Get him off!!

The clown drags him downstairs.

Wolf: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Timid: Shadow, stop him!

Shadow: No. Maybe this'll shut him. Hey, if we're lucky, he'll have to go to therapy!

Timid: Shadow! …That's genius.

Phoenix: To Producer: Mind if I stay for the rest of the episode?

The intercom opens up a line.

Producer: That's what everyone else is doing. Up in the VIP balcony.

Phoenix: That's a new feature.

Shadow: It's what I do.

Phoenix: To Shadow: Well, do you have any candy?

Shadow: I have some M&M's. Here.

Phoenix: They're all blue.

Shadow: …I like eating the other colors. They're always mean to the blues. Now, the blues are in charge for once.

Phoenix eats the M&M's.

Shadow: And now they're dead.

Suddenly, Phoenix's pupils grow huge.

Phoenix: To a random lamp: FALCO! WHY! WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE A MOOSE!

Lamp: Why, I never!

The lamp jumps of the stage and out the door.

Shadow: What the hell was that?! What's with the talking lamp?!

Timid: It's your show.

Shadow: But I didn't do that! Who buys a talking lamp with emotional issues?! Who even MAKES those?!

Phoenix: To Fox: Why are you green? THIS MAKES NO SENSE!

Fox: …

Shadow: I mean, c'mon! Whose idea was it to put a talking lamp on the stage?! We don't even need it! The stage has enough lighting from the ceiling!

Phoenix: To Hakkyou: WHY! SHADOW! HELP ME!

Shadow: AND WHO LET HAKKYOU IN?!

Hakkyou: The door was open. By the way, there's some clown downstairs raping Wolf.

Shadow: WAIT FOR YOUR TURN, DAMN IT!! I'M IN A RANT!!

Hakkyou: Fine. YEASH!!

He walks out.

Phoenix: To Krystal: WHAT WAS IN THE M&M's!?

Krystal: They looked like…Shadow, why would you feed him LSD's?!

Shadow: How am I supposed to know?! It was probably someone else's and I mistook them for M&M's! They were probably Metal's…Him and his heavy metal drugs.

* * *

Metal wakes up from the medical bed.

Metal: I don't know why, but I think I'm going to punch Shadow once I'm back up on stage.

He gets up and looks for his clothes. Rockin' the medical gown, Metal. Get it? Rockin' and Metal?

Metal: You're next if you don't shut up.

Yeash. Take a joke.

* * *

Phoenix: To Everyone: LEGGOMYEGGO! BOOM SHAKALACKALACKA BOOM SHAKALACKALACKA BOOM SHAKALACKALACKA BOOM! Lo que ha ocurrido a mí que la grasa de vaca! He perdido mi HONOR Y MI DIGNIDAD! EMBRAGUE MI ARDILLA HUMPER SANGRIENTA TESTÍCULOS!

He takes off his pants.

Shadow: Dragun!

Dragun runs up onto stage.

Dragun: Those Chansy's are good doctors. Whatcha need?

Shadow: Get Phoenix out of here.

Dragun goes behind Phoenix and knocks him out with a frying pan. He then grabs him and jumps up to the balcony, where he puts him in a cage with a straightjacket on.

Shadow: Okay then. He's off the wagon. Next on our line up is someone by the name of claudinego. We'll call her Claud.

Claud enters through the portal.

Claud: YAY! I'm on Q&A Madness! This is so awesome!

Timid: I know, right?! It's the best!

Shadow: Alright. Ready to ask your questions?

Claud: I sure am. To Falco: Why do all girls like me dig u out? I asked girls who play Star Fox whom their fave is, and they answered, " OMG! I LIKE FALCO! HE IS SUCH A CUTIE!

Falco: I'm just awesome like that.

Metal: Oh really now?

Metal walks up the stairs. Once he's on the stage, he punches Shadow.

Metal: That's for saying I do drugs!

Shadow: You heard that?!

Metal: No. That rapist clown told me on the way up. He's a big fan of the show, by the way.

Shadow: Huh…Interesting.

Claud: To Fox: Do you think your dad is still alive?

Fox: Of course not! He…He…

Peppy: Great…Two times in one show…

Fox tries to hold back the tears, but can't. Krystal hugs him while he cries. The audience "Aww"s.

Shadow: I won't get mad at you 'cause you're new here, but please don't remind him about that kind of stuff. He already got upset once before on this show.

Metal: And I'll get angry with you 'cause Announcer Guy paid me 100 credits to express how much of a bastard I am. HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?!?! YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST GO AND UPSET PANSIES LIKE HIM ANYTIME YOU WANT?!?!

Timid: Calm down, Metal.

Metal: WHY SHOULD I?!?!

Timid: I'll give you a muffin.

Metal: GIMME GIMME GIMME!!!

She tosses him a muffin. He starts eating it like a squirrel.

Claud: Sorry, I didn't know.

Shadow: It's okay. Just watch what you say.

Claud: Okay. To Krystal: Is Falco a cutie?

Krystal: I'm holding Fox while he cries and you think it's clever to ask that?

Timid: That's a little cold.

Krystal: Well, I'm Fox's girlfriend! Why would I think Falco's cute?

Claud: I don't know.

Krystal: …If I weren't with Fox, I would probably answer yes. But Fox is the only one for me.

Claud: Okay. To Timid: Will you marry Shadow if he says right now if u can marry him?

Timid: What?! No! I don't even know him in real life, and I'm only 14!

Claud: Just asking. To Wolf: Do you consider Panther as a lady's man?

Wolf walks up, covered in what looks like a mixture of saliva and honey. Plus, it looks like he has quite a bit of rectal trauma.

Wolf: Damn clown…Technically. He has sex with a lot of girls.

Claud: Yeah. To Wolf: Do you envy Panther for that?

Wolf: Not really. I get about as much ass as he does. The only difference is that he keeps them a bit before letting them go. I'm a one shot guy, rough 'em up and leave 'em hanging.

Shadow: Is that even a real phrase?

Metal: I don't think so.

Timid: He must be trying to impress her or something.

Claud: To Panther: DO U SERIOUSLY LIKE KRYSTAL??

Panther: Of course I do! Here, I'll prove it!

The stage goes dark and props are moved around. When they go back, Panther is dress in Romeo like clothing looking up at balcony. Krystal is dressed like Juliet.

Krystal: What the hell?

Panther: But soft! What light through wonder window breaks?

It is the East, and Krystal is the sun!

Arise fair sun, and kill the envious moon,

Who is already sick and pale with grief

That thou her maid art far more fair than she.

Be not her maid, since she is envious;

Her vestal livery is but sick and green,

And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.

It is my lady; O, it is my love!

O that she knew she were!

She speaks, yet she says nothing. What of it?

Her eye discourses; I will answer it.

I am too bold; 'tis not to me she speaks.

Two of the fairest stars in all the heavens,

Having some business, do entreat her eyes

To twinkle in their spheres till they return.

What if her eyes were there, they in her head?

The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars

As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven

Would through the airy region stream so bright

That birds would sing and think it were not night.

See how she leans her cheek upon her hand!

O that I were a glove upon that hand,

That I might touch that cheek!

Krystal: I'm not doing this!

Shadow: Neither are we! I don't mind being dressed as Benvolio, but Timid as the Nurse?!

Timid: That's going too far!

Shadow snaps his fingers and the stage and everyone's outfits are back to normal.

Krystal: Should've skipped to when Panther commits suicide and replaced the water with real poison.

Panther: Why, fair Krystal?

Krystal: Quit with the Shakespeare!

Panther: Okay.

They sit down again.

Claud: To Shadow: Will you marry Timid as your wife and as a loving woman?

Shadow: Again, we're only 14! And I don't even know her in real life!

Claud: Okay! YEASH!!

She jumps up to the balcony.

Shadow: With that nuisance- I mean, guest out of the way, we move onto HaloeEvangelion03!

The portal opens and a two-story mech flies out at full speed. It crashes through the wall and flies out and gouges a trench in the ground as it skids along. Once it reaches the ocean, it being not so far away, it ejects Halo out with a parachute. He slowly glides down.

Halo: WHY DID YOU TELEPORT ME HERE NOW!? I was in the middle of testing my mech's over boost...Oh my God… MY MECH!! Jesus Christ, do you know how much that thing cost!? The grenade launcher ALONE cost half the damn thing! I expect reimbursme-

He falls in the ocean and sinks. Rescue boats come to get him.

Shadow: Um…Well, let's just fix this.

He snaps his fingers, but nothing happens.

Shadow: Huh?! Damn those warlock builders. Their magic is interfering with my AAP, shadow powers, and chakra. I can't fix it!

Timid: We'll think of something.

Shadow: Yeah…In fact, I have a good idea. But for now, let's continue. While Halo is being rescued and put through CPR, our next guest will be Ninja560.

Ninja appears out of nowhere…'cause he's a ninja.

Ninja: Huge hole…Guy whose obviously awesome at guitar…What is going on here?!

Shadow: Just the usual. Madness and such on a Q&A. Ya know, Q&A Madness.

Ninja: Okay then. To everyone: MY second time doing one of these.

Everyone: Okay…Good for you…

Ninja:To Fox and Krystal: I made my own Q&A I made you two a daughter named Liz who uses bad language, sneaks out, and gets bad grades.

Fox and Krystal look at each other.

Fox: That's weird.

Krystal: That doesn't sound right.

Ninja: But it's true!

Metal: So is your ridiculous name, but we still have to deal.

Ninja: Shut it! I have powers you don't! Like jutsus!

Metal: …

I think Metal is a little pissed. Can't he also…?

Ninja: To Wolf: Hey look!

100 Shadow Clones appear with paper airplanes.

Wolf: You'd better not…

Ninja: FIRE!!!

They all launch the planes, and Wolf screams like a little girl with pigtails that rides a tricycle and jumps into the crowd to hide, 'cause he's a cowering pussy.

Wolf: That was uncalled for!

Ninja: The planes…

Or me?

Wolf: BOTH!!

He walks back up and takes a sit.

Ninja: To Panther: Hey Panther look!

He performs the Harem Jutsu, creating hundreds of female panthers in tight school uniforms.

Panther: Uh…Uh…

He gets a nosebleed and falls over.

Ninja: To Shadow: CHIDORI MIXED WITH RASENGAN!

He charges forward with the swirling mass of lightning and chakra. Shadow does a few hand signs and depletes a lot of his chakra to fuel his next jutsu.

Shadow: Ninja Art: Time Manipulation. Slow.

Everyone except him slows down. He steps to the side as Ninja strikes. The ends of his fingers ignite and he strikes Ninja in the back with his fingers touching.

Shadow: Five Pronged Seal: Chakra Lock!

The speed returns to normal, and Ninja's Chidori/Rasengan mixture disappears.

Ninja: What the-

Metal: You've got quite a mouth! I'm Shadow's counterpart. I can use jutsu, just like you!

Shadow steps right up next to Metal.

Metal: Let's show him. Galaxia Chidori!

Green lightning shoots out of his hand.

Shadow: Big Bang Rasengan!

A Rasengan that nearly fills the stadium appears. It has a red core, and dark blue chakra surrounds it. The two jutsus combine into one mass. The combined chakras rip away at the stage.

Metal and Shadow: Galaxia Storm: Lightning Twister!

They throw it forward at Ninja. He's unable to dodge it, and gets swallowed up. A bright flash envelopes the stadium. It clears after a few seconds. Ninja is unharmed.

Shadow: That shot would've killed you.

Metal: And anyone else, if they were caught in it. Even Andross would get killed with one shot like that?

Ninja: Then why save me?

Metal: We can't afford to lose a questioner, because you make the show. At least half of it.

Shadow: And more importantly, I couldn't handle another lawsuit.

Ninja: Gee…That makes me feel important.

Shadow and Metal: You're welcome!

Ninja: To Everyone: Bye I'm done here.

Everyone: See ya!

He leaves through the portal.

Shadow: That guy can be a little annoying sometimes. Next up here is-

Halo: Hold up, Shadow!

Halo jumps in through the huge hole. He walks up on stage.

Halo: Okay. Ready to ask some questions. To Everyone: How are you gonna celebrate the New Year?

Everyone: Little late for that.

Halo: Yeah well, it's not my fault that this shinobi doesn't broadcast as much!

Shadow: So sue me.

Halo: I might, given the damage to my mech.

Shadow: Yeah, yeah. Get on with it.

Halo: To Krystal: Can you please drink this?

He hands her a bottle of Crystal Light.

Krystal: Why?

Halo: So I can laugh when the Announcer Guy says, "Krystal drank the Crystal Light".

Krystal drank the Crystal Light. Hehe…That is kinda funny.

Halo: To (whoever is co-hosting): How does it feel being the co-host?

Timid: Kickass. I love helping my Shadow-kun!

She hugs him. He blushes slightly, but also smiles.

Halo: So that's why you were so eager. To Shadow: Are you gonna reimburse me for that mech?

Shadow: No freakin' way.

Halo: What?!

Shadow: I said…

He plugs in a microphone to Metal's amp and turns it all the way up.

Shadow: NO FREAKIN' WAY!!!

Halo: I heard you the first time! And it's your fault that my mech is damaged.

Shadow: … I might reimburse it. But we'll need donations! Everyone! We need some funds to repair Halo's mech!

Halo: Wait, can't you just use your AAP to-

Shadow: So, we would appreciate it if any of our guests would bring in some funds for the mech!

Halo: …Whatever. To Slippy: How does it feel to not be retarded anymore?

Slippy: Way better! I'm finally free of this idiot's retard spell-

Halo: That's interesting! Thank you for sharing!

Slippy: But, I wasn't done talking-

Halo: Thank you for your time!

Slippy: Grr…

Halo: To Wolf:

He starts making paper airplanes.

Halo: Why do you think women are so weak? 'Cause honestly, that comment upset me a little.

He takes a coin and slides it across to make sure they are sharp.

Halo: I respect women, and would gladly join in on them beating you up, so, why?

He unfolds the wings.

Wolf: I…uh…Never really saw women do as much as men…Combat wise…

Halo throws the paper airplane…right into Panther's eye.

Panther: AAHHH!! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HIT WOLF!!

Halo starts beating the crap out of Panther.

Shadow: I love this show.

Metal: It's awesome.

Timid: You guys are violence druggies.

Some blood spurts on Shadow's face. He wipes it off with his finger, then licks it off his finger slowly.

Shadow: Delicious.

Everyone: …

Halo stops beating up Panther.

Halo: Wolf may disrespect women a lot, but Panther does it more, or at least that's how I see it.

Shadow: He's just a pervert. He SERVICES women. He really just lets them down after a while, and that's it.

Halo: Whatever. I'm still waiting for the reimbursement!

Shadow: Oh, just go up to the balcony, already!

He throws Halo up to the balcony.

Shadow: Reimbursement, my ass…Now, how about we display a little something? Let's hear Flamer Lucan's view on my Q&A.

A screen appears. When it turns on, a video of Flamer Lucan starts playing.

Lucan: These Q&A's are shit, for lack of better words. I can't believe you people ACTUALLY READ THESE THINGS! I'll ask what I asked in another Q&A. Were your parents brother and sister? That would explain the mental retardation. This story is worse than midgets kicking a puppy. If you're wondering why I read it in the first place, and why I'm leaving a review: It's because I need to get my ideas across. The fic you're about to read (If you have not already) Contains sheer retardedness and no real excuse for it! No! I'm not sorry and I refuse to let this go. It's crap pure and simple. If you haven't already read the shit, I advise you read the next one... Just skip it! Save yourself from a half-hour of absolute shit! IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY!

You know what? I'm going to go throw a computer off a cliff and pretend it's yours so I can finally take this horrible trash from the face of the earth.

By the way: Bleach is just as bad.

The screen self-destructs.

Shadow: Lovely, ain't it?

Metal: It's a Q&A. It's not supposed to make sense!

Shadow: That's what I said. Good thing he's hasn't been flaming lately.

Timid: Yeah. People like him make me sick.

Shadow: Yeah. Now, next on our line up is Twisted 93!

He walks through the portal.

Twisted: Now, things get interesting. To Katt: Your bellies getting a bit round, are you...?

Katt: I'm not…Falco, am I…?

Falco: No, not really.

Twisted: Just guessing. Maybe it's just fat.

Katt: What'd you say?!

He picks up the microphone.

Twisted: I SAID YOU'RE GETTING FAT!!!

Katt: I heard you the first time, and I'm not getting fat!

Twisted: Says you. To Krystal: Same as Katt.

Krystal: No way, not yet! Fox wouldn't get me pregnant! He's been wearing condoms.

Fox: …Eh…

Krystal: …Fox?

Shadow: Let's use the X-ray!

He pulls up an X-ray. When they turn it on and a small entity is seen inside of Krystal.

Shadow: No he hasn't. You're pregnant.

Krystal: Oh my god…That's wonderful!

Timid: But wait…

The X-ray also showed that Fox was pregnant.

Shadow: Oh, sorry. I grabbed the Prego-ray. But I'll check!

He uses his X-ray vision, and looks inside her.

Shadow: Nope. Not pregnant.

Krystal: That's a relief.

Metal: Sure it is. A second ago, you were fine with being pregnant.

Krystal: Shut up and get me a blueberry muffin.

That's sounds familiar…

Metal: Suppose I don't want to.

Krystal: Suppose you want to keep your bottom lip.

Metal: Yes ma'am.

He throws her a muffin.

Metal: Where did you get X-ray vision?

Shadow: Internet.

Metal: How'd you apply it?

Shadow: Printer.

Metal: What?

Shadow picks up the microphone.

Shadow: MY PRINTER CAN BE USED TO APPLY TATTOOS AND OTHER THINGS!

Metal: I heard you the first- Wait, no I didn't. I thought for sure that you would repeat yourself.

Shadow: Didn't want to.

Metal: Then why use the microphone?

Shadow: …I like using the microphone.

He starts cuddling it like it was a baby.

Twisted: To Shadow: Have you and Timid met each other in real life?

Timid: We'll say it one more time…

Shadow and Timid: NO WE HAVEN'T!!!

Twisted: Okay!

Hehe…His hair looks like it went through a wind tunnel…'Cause it went through an angry author yell tunnel.

Wolf: That doesn't make sense.

Shut up! You were raped by a clown!

Wolf: …It was so unnatural…

Twisted: 'Kay. See ya!

He jumps up to the balcony.

Shadow: Alright. Our next guest shall be-

The doors at the end of the stadium fly open. Krizz walks up with a suitcase. He looks around suspiciously, then hands the suitcase to Miyu. She opens it, and it's full of priceless gems.

Miyu: Oh my god! Thanks!

Krizz: And now we wait. Henge no Jutsu!

He transforms into a chibi form of himself. He just sits there, not talking.

Shadow: Um…Aren't you gonna ask questions.

Krizz: In a few minutes. Just wait.

Shadow: …Um…Okay, folks. We're gonna take a short intermission. Now would be a good time to go to the bathroom, grab some snacks, whatever. Go do that now, and we'll be back after this!

The crowd cheers…Odd, I didn't know they sheered for intermissions. I guess we also must be going to commercial. Timid grabs Shadow and throws him down the stairs. She smirks, then pounces on him …And to all you perverts, they're only 14. They're only making out!

Shadow and Timid: Announcer Guy!

Sorry. We'll be right back!

* * *

**Commercial**

Attention, all fans of Q&A Madness! Have you ever thought, 'Wow, it'd be awesome if one of my OCs were up for questioning on Q&A Madness!"? Well, now that can happen!

Just send us your postcard to our staff with your request. Please list your OC's name and tell us ahead of time so we can prepare. We will consult you on what the answers should be, and we'll make them as hilarious as possible. And also, if you could tell us how your OC should act, (aggressive, sensitive, etc.) that would help greatly!

This offer is only available once per episode, so be quick! And good luck.

Shadow: I am Shadow Shinobi, and I approve this message.

* * *

Shadow: And we're back!

He walks back up the stairs with Timid. There are kiss marks all over his face.

Metal: Uh…dude…

Shadow: Huh? Oh.

He quickly wipes them off.

Krizz: Should happen right…about…now!

Suddenly, the interplanetary police and SWAT break in through the doors.

Random SWAT Guy: Shadow!

Shadow: Yes, sir?

Random SWAT Guy: Our records indicate that our most wanted criminal is here. His name is KrizzFizz.

Shadow, Timid, and Metal: What?!

Random SWAT Guy: He has eradicated 6 species, destroyed 3 galaxies and blown-up 33 planets!

Authors: WHAT FRESH HELL?!?!

Hakkyou: That's my line!

Shadow: I said wait your turn!

Hakkyou walks down the down the stairs mumbling. What's he saying…OH-ho! Oh, no he di'int!

Everyone: …

Random SWAT Guy: Anyway, have you seen him?

Shadow, Timid, and Metal huddle up.

Shadow: Should we turn him in? He's one of the bigger fans of Q&A Madness.

Metal: What makes you say that?

Timid: He asks a lot of questions! He's pretty much one of the essentials here.

Shadow: …But he did all that stuff. We're handing him over.

They break the huddle, and they all point at chibi Krizz.

Everyone: That's him!

Random SWAT Guy: Thanks! We'll transfer you the reward money!

Halo: It'd better go to my mech!

Shadow: Shut up about the mech already!

They take away chibi Krizz. Once they're gone, the real Krizz pops out of the suitcase.

Timid: How'd you do that?

Metal: Very carefully.

Krizz: Well said. That was a lot easier than I thought.

Suddenly, pained screams and moans could be heard.

Krizz: You don't mess with a Death God, and never in hell mess with a HORNY and GAY Death God.

Everyone: …

Shadow: Oh my. That's brilliant. The Death God part. The rest is kinda creepy.

Krizz: So sue me! To Wolf: Flashback no Jutsu!

**A flashback plays.**

Starfoxluver: To Wolf: Do you hate yaoi?

Wolf: Depends. Which kind, the one that's just love for one another, or love for one another and sex?

Starfoxluver: Both.

Wolf: Well, I'm okay with it.

**Flashback ends.**

Krizz: Is this true Wolf?

Wolf: What?! I don't remember saying that!

Krizz: It just played! You said it before! Right, Shadow?

Shadow: Actually, that was the result of the High Speed Shadow Clone Jutsu. I altered the clone to make it gay, then switched them, then switched again.

Krizz: Why the hell would you do that?!

Shadow: To see how long it took for someone to notice his gay quote. So, you owe me twenty credits, Metal.

Metal: Fine. Whatever.

He hands over the money.

Shadow: Money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money MONEY!!

Krizz: So, you never said that?

Wolf: That's right.

Krizz: This show is getting less and less prodigious.

Shadow: As if! It's the best ever!

Krizz: …You're right. To Director, Authors and : We need to talk in private about what going to happen to them.

Shadow: You got it. But only us authors, not the ones in the balcony.

Krizz: Agreed.

They teleport to the observation room.

Krizz: Okay. Announcer Guy. I need you to make sure that they can't hear us.

Got it! Sound barrier! A bubble appears over them, and they can't hear.

Krizz: Good. Now here's the plan…

Krizz says it to them, but the others down below can't hear.

Krizz: Got it?

Shadow: Yeah…

Metal: Dude that is gruesome.

Timid: It makes me wanna puke.

Krizz: It makes a show, though. Now, let's start this!

Shadow: Okay!

They teleport down to the stage.

Krizz: To all: Let's go to the 'trophy room'.

When they get there, the only changes were the new rooms: The Watch & Terror room, the Wolf's room, and the F & K room.

Krizz: First, the Watch and Terror room.

Inside were two chairs, a 60cm widescreen TV, and a nice table in the corner.

Timid: What a nice table.

…Never listen, do ye?

Krizz: Fox, Bill, have a seat.

They seat in the chairs.

Krizz: I found one extra FoxXJames fic, and you're going to read it.

Fox: Never! I'd never read smut like that! I'm not gay, and incest is just creepy!

Bill: Ditto, with a side of "You're one cruel son of a bitch"!

Krizz: Don't worry, I ain't that cruel.

Fox: Oh, really now?

Krizz: …I'm insane!

They get tied to the chairs by Shadow's shadow clones…Hey, I found another weird double quote thingy!

Shadow: Yeah, how about that! 'Cept, it's not the same as the whole Krystal and crystal thing.

True. They also get stripped down to their T-shirts and underwear.

Krizz: Now, you guys are gonna watch videos of Fox being mauled, raped, mated with, and all that mushy gay stuff. Don't worry, I'll let you go when I am satisfied or get bored. Whichever comes first! And don't close your eyes! If you do, you'll get a 100-volt and still increasing electrical curtain ran through your system.

The screen turns on and starts the video of exactly what Krizz described.

Fox and Bill: NO!! PLEASE!! DON'T LEAVE US HERE!!

Shadow: Sorry. It's my show.

Krystal: FOX!!

The door shuts.

Krizz: Calm down. They'll be fine. Next, let's go to the Wolf's room.

He opens the door, but doesn't walk in.

Krizz: Wolf, can you give me your blaster and any other weapons you have on you?

Wolf: …I suppose…

He hands over all his weaponry.

Krizz: Now, Wolf…

The Shadow clones strip him naked. All of them barf while doing so.

Krizz: I'm throwing you to the wolves.

He pushes him in and locks the door. The intercom comes on so that Wolf can hear.

Krizz: Inside that room is 15 wolves. The wolves have been treated with female pheromones that are in heat, and can easily mistake a male for a female. So, 'enjoy'.

The wolves started crowding around Wolf. One starts to position itself, and…I can't watch! Outside the room, screams could be heard.

Timid: Shadow, I really think you should stop this.

Shadow: I'm sorry, Timid. I can't do that.

Timid: Why do you sound like the calm voiced antagonist cliche?

Shadow: Because I have a calm voice, I guess.

Shadow's eyes turn pitch black.

Timid: Shadow…

Krizz: Next is the predator room. Slippy, Peppy, and "The Great Leon"…GET IN THERE!

The three quickly run in. The sign on the door falls on. It now reads "Prey room".

Timid: Again with that gag?

Krizz: Hey, it works.

Shadow: Quite.

Screams of pain could be heard. Krizz and Shadow chuckle maliciously.

Timid: Shadow, seriously. This is getting out of hand.

Shadow: Calm down, Timid! It's just a little fun.

Timid: But Shadow-

Shadow: I won't let it hurt anyone.

He starts to walk away.

Shadow: …Much.

Timid: Hmm…

As Shadow is walking, strange markings begin appearing on his body.

Krizz: Now…

They walk by the F&K room. Krizz opens the door. Behind it was a love suit.

Krizz: Falco and Katt…GO FUCK EACH OTHER NOW!!

The two look at each other, smile, and then run in. When the door shuts, moans of pleasure could be heard.

Krizz: And here we are. All that's left is Krystal, Fay, Panther and Miyu left to torture. But first…

They walk back to the Watch & Terror room. He enters, looking evil. Shadow enters with the same look as well. His teeth are sharper, making him look like some evil manga character.

Fox: …Are we done?

Krizz: Nope. Time for phase two.

He strips them naked. This is sickening to describe…I don't think I can…

Krizz: You'd better!

Fine! He hooks up a strange vacuum like device that sucks on their members. In half a minute, they have full erections. I think I'm gonna be sick…

Krizz: Keep talking!

(Throws up). Fine… He then hooks up a tube that led to another device around their mouth that would keep it open. The whole system would make any fluid travel up into their mouth and make them drink it.

Krizz: That's right. Enjoy!

The door shuts behind him.

Shadow: Excellent.

Metal: Why the hell would you think that?!

Shadow: Torture…I love it.

His hair becomes spiky.

Krizz: Now then. Krystal and Fay…

He pulls out a Gattling Ion Cannon and points it at them.

Krizz: Undress to your underwear. NOW, OR I'LL KILL YOU!!!

They do as he says.

Krizz: Now take one hand on the others breast and the other hand in the groin area and two fingers in the vulva.

They comply. After they do, Krizz takes out an Ice Beam and freezes them. They get trapped in a crystal. Shadow and Krizz laugh maniacally. Timid and Metal look worried…and I don't blame them. Half of his body turned pitch black, being infused with his evil aura.

Krizz: Panther, enjoying the sight?

Panther: Giggity…Giggity…Yes, very much so.

Krizz: ENJOY THE PAIN! SAVOR IT!!

Suddenly, a strong wind style jutsu starts cutting up Panther, tearing at his clothes and causing little cuts to appear all over his body. Eventually, all his clothes are cut off. It then cuts away at his tail, then at his fur, and various other parts of his body. The wind then cuts off his…his…

Krizz: SAY IT!!

…Erection…

Panther: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He passes out from the pain. Shadow and Krizz start to have a laughing fit. Shadow's aura completely consumes him so that he IS a shadow. His outer shape and some inner features are still there, but he is still pitch black.

Timid: Shadow, what's wrong with you?!

Shadow: It's all good fun, Timid.

His voice sounds demonic, and it's sounds like a second person is talking. It's like the whole possessed deal, and when the person talks it sounds like them and a dark voice.

Metal: Little off topic, Announcer Guy.

You're right. Sorry.

Krizz: Now…Miyu, you're all that's left.

Miyu starts cowering and shaking.

Krizz: I don't have anything insane to do to you, so you're off the hook.

She sighs with relief.

Krizz: So, anyone wanna see a movie?

Shadow: Sounds prodigious.

There's that evil voice again.

Krizz: Let's go.

They walk to the cinema. Where'd that come from anyway?

Timid: Well, since they're going off to see whatever movie, we're gonna get everyone back here. So, we're taking another intermission. This one will last a few hours, so go do whatever and take care of it before the intermission is over.

The audience starts to pile out. Metal and Timid each go to a different room to get everyone back. We'll be back after this.

* * *

**Commercial**

Attention, all fans of Q&A Madness! If you recall, we here have performed a few songs in the last broadcast. If you enjoyed that, then here's another thing you might enjoy.

If you have a song request, send it to us! If we like your idea, then we'll perform it live on the Q&A Madness stage! And as a plus, we will get you a signed autograph with the band that originally performed it.

Results may vary. If we do not know of the song or prefer not to perform it, we will not. Only two requests may be accepted per episode. If we do not have enough ideas to fill the spot, we will perform a song of our choosing. Remember, if we do not know the song or prefer not to perform it, we will not.

Send in your request either through your questions on the show or directly to Shadow himself. Good luck!

Shadow: I am Shadow Shinobi, and I approve this message.

* * *

After a few hours of commercials, including all the ones with catchy songs and jingles, everyone was back on stage. Shadow and Krizz walk back in.

Krizz: I'm telling you, they need to stop using Morgan Freeman as the wise man in every movie he's in! Make him an android or something.

Shadow: Well said.

They notice everyone is on stage.

Krizz: Let me do a quick recap. Fox and Bill have been forced to watch gay things and forced to drink down the others love juice and other liquid…

Fox and Bill are panting from the lack of breath. Their muzzles were dripping with semen. That just ain't right.

Shadow: …15 lust hungry male wolves have mated with Wolf…

Wolf is panting and sitting on a bag of ice from the irritation.

Krizz: …Peppy, Slippy and Leon have been hunted on in the Prey room…

The three are being tended to by the Chanseys. They have deep cuts all over. Metal sneaks up on one and hugs it. It hugs him back. He lets go and walks back over.

Metal: I couldn't resist. They're so cute!

Shadow: …Katt and Falco had sex, but in reality Katt has had sex with a Falco look-alike…

Katt: What?! That wasn't Falco?! …Oh well.

Krizz: …Falco has been raped and mauled by his gay fan boys…

Falco is cowering on the floor, covered in semen and various other fluids.

Shadow: …Krystal and Fay have been frozen in a very sensual position and was ogled by many people around the galaxy…

Krystal and Fay are crying in each other's shoulders.

Krizz: …Panther's tail, fur and "pelvis" was cut up…

Panther is being treated by more Chanseys.

Shadow and Krizz: …And Miyu got a lovely Eat & Watch Cinema trip with us!

Miyu: Despite the situation, it was awesome!

Shadow: Precise.

Krizz: Any complaints?

They all are silent, except for those who were crying.

Shadow: You are a torture genius.

Krizz: Yeah. So, Fox and bill. How are you feeling?

They throw up, most of it being the liquids they ingested.

Krizz: Wolf. How are you doing?

Wolf: I'm sitting on an ice pack. I guess that's not a good enough clue? My ass feels like it had sandpaper going through it.

Krizz: Excellent! Peppy, Slippy, and Leon. How are you doing?

Peppy: I think I felt my heart skip a beat…

Chansey: Chansey! Chansey!

Chansey and Chansey: Chansey!

They hook up a life support machine to him. They do the same for Leon and Slippy.

Krizz: Krystal and Fay. How are you doing?

They continue to cry.

Shadow: I just realized. You trapped Krystal in a crystal.

Krizz: Another one! Almost missed it!

Shadow: You'd better step it up.

Krizz: Right. Panther. How are you doing?

Panther is still passed out.

Krizz: Here's a Senzu bean.

He throws it and it lands in his mouth. He begins to heal, and all his detached limbs return to him.

Krizz: And finally…Miyu, did you enjoy the dinner?

Miyu: Prodigiously delicious, and deliciously prodigious.

Krizz: Resplendent! Remember, this is only a taste of what's to come if you get on my bad side.

Timid: GET OUT OF HERE!!

Krizz: …

Timid: WHAT YOU DID WAS UNFORGIVABLE!!

Shadow: Take a seat up in the balcony. It's no trouble.

Krizz: Okay then.

He jumps up to the balcony.

Shadow: Okay, now we have-

Timid smacks him in the face.

Shadow: Timid, what the-

Timid: SHUT UP!! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?!

Shadow: I told you, it was all good fun!

Timid signals Metal, and he and Timid tie up Shadow. His arms and legs are tied, and his mouth is covered by duct tape.

Shadow: Mph mmmmph maf mrph?!

Metal: What'd he say?

Timid: 'What was that for?'. It's all in good fun, Shadow. You just stay there for a bit.

Shadow: Mmmmmmmmm!

Metal: Won't he just bust out.

Timid: He can't. I sealed his powers away.

Metal: Ah. Looks like I'm in charge! So, we'll take a short break to heal everyone and get them in the right state of mind. So…yeah. Another intermission. We'll be right back.

* * *

After everything was taken care of, everyone was all set for more questioning.

Metal: Okay. I have some questions myself. To Fox: Hi.

Fox: …

Metal: …

Fox: …

Metal: SAY SOMETHING, DAMN IT!!

Fox: Fine! Hi.

Metal: Okay then. To Katt: What made Falco break up with you? Was it a horrible secret? TELL ME THE SECRET!

Katt: That was in M&D. I'm back together with him.

Metal: Yeah, but still…What made you break up with him the first place?

Katt: Okay…

She whispers in his ear.

Metal: …Really?

Katt: Yep.

Metal: Interesting.

Timid: Details later in Malice and Desperation.

Metal: To Falco: How Dare you break up with Katt.

He pulls out a white glove and smacks Falco across the face with it.

Metal: I SMITE THEE!

Falco: Oh yeah? Bring it?

He pulls out a…rubber chicken.

Falco: Wow. The irony is intense.

They battle each other with their weapons.

Metal: This is getting boring.

He picks up the guitar and plays a loud power chord. Falco yells in pain and clutches his head.

Metal: now, I smite thee.

He stops playing.

Metal: To Panther: Metal can talk like a retard too.

Panther: And Panther is more self-respective to do drugs.

Metal: And Metal can play guitar. What now, boy?

Panther: …Panther takes showers.

Metal starts strangling Panther. Timid pulls him away.

Metal: How dare he…? To Krystal: Can you sing a metal song by Metallica?

Krystal: Um…no. I don't listen to Metallica.

Metal: Then who?

Krystal: Rebecca Stillfire.

Metal: That hussy?

Krystal: That's exactly what that gay raccoon said!

Metal: Oh yeah. The guy that ran after Bill and kept calling him.

Bill: Who ran after whom and did what to them?

Metal: Nothing. To Slippy and Peppy: You're both lame.

Peppy: You lost me with your hip young lingo there, son.

Slippy: Sorry, I was reading this old Arwing manual. What was that?

Metal: I rest my case. …Well, I would if I had one. To Wolf: Can I join your team after the season finale?

Wolf: I don't know…

Metal: Dude, I'm a walking MP3 player. Plus, my skills will help.

Wolf: I'll think about it.

Leon: Translation: He'll forget in five minutes.

Wolf: Bingo.

Metal: …You bitch.

Wolf: I'm not a bitch, life's a-

Everyone but Wolf: NOT THAT AGAIN!!

Metal: That's all. So, now we got-

WTDMTN jumps down from the balcony. Ya know, we'll just call him Forever. It's easier.

Forever: Whatever floats your boat. I got more questions.

Timid: Everyone seems to around here.

Forever: To Shadow: DUDE! IT'S 3:00 HERE! I'M TRYING TO STAY UP TILL…

He falls asleep. Shadow just remains still, since he's restrained. Metal makes an imitation alarm clock sound on his guitar. Forever wakes up instantly.

Forever: I'm awake! I'm awake…To Fox: You have 35 minutes to find "it." I will give you a cookie if you find "It".

He picks up a lamp.

Forever: That's not "It".

He picks up a med pack from before.

Forever: Not that either.

He picks up a paper airplane.

Forever: That's not "It".

He picks up a sledgehammer.

Forever: Not that either.

He picks up jar of mayo.

Forever: That's not "It".

He throws it and it breaks on Slippy's head. Slippy tries to lick it off. Fox picks up Leon's bag of weed. Leon tries to get it back.

Forever: Not that either.

He throws the bag in Leon's face. He stumbles over. Fox picks up a penis pump.

Forever: That's not "It". …Where did that come from?

Fox: I don't know. It was just lying on the ground. Nasty, it's full of semen!

He throws it. It falls downstairs.

Rapist clown: Thanks! I thought I lost it! See ya!

Everyone: …

Fox picks up a coffee cup.

Forever: Not that either.

He throws it backwards. It shatters in Wolf's face.

Wolf: THERE WAS HOT COFFEE IN THAT!! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!

Fox picks up a ball gag.

Forever: That's not "It". And why the hell is that on stage?

Timid: Huh…I did misplace it.

She grabs it. She then walks over and rips the duct tape off Shadow's face.

Shadow: Timid, please! Let me explain-

She shoves the ball in his mouth and hooks the restraint around his head.

Timid: There. Worse than duct tape, eh?

Shadow: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…..

Timid: I thought so. We'll let you go soon…Maybe.

Fox continues his search. He picks up a black bra.

Forever: Not that either. Really, Katt?

Katt: Why do you automatically turn to me?!

Forever: Why wouldn't we?

Katt: …Hand it over.

Fox does. He picks up a key.

Forever: That's not "It".

Timid: That's mine! I'll need it here soon.

Fox tosses the key to her. He picks up a battery.

Forever: Not that either. But what does it say on it?

Fox: …Metallica.

Forever: Weird. A clue, perhaps?

Fox: Who knows?

Metal winks to the audience. Fox picks up a clock that read 9:00. In the background of it was a disco with a bunch of people running around, as if they were panicing.

Forever: That's not "It". What the…

Fox: This is odd.

He picks up a small model of an electric chair. It, also, said Metallica on it.

Forever: Not that either.

Fox thinks a second. Then, he walks over and points to Shadow all tied up and with a ball gag in his mouth.

Forever: THAT'S IT!

He gives Fox a cookie.

Fox: Delicious…

He eats it in one second.

To Wolf: Can you scratch my back? There's this part by my neck I really can't reach.

Wolf: …I really don't think-

Forever: DO IT!!

Wolf: Fine!

He scratches Forever's back.

Forever: That's better. To Krystal: No... Due to a recent broken arm, I can't reach...

Krystal: That's not good. What happened.

Forever: Good question, Shadow.

Krystal: But, I asked it.

Forever: To Shadow: I broke it snowboarding... My friends and I were being retards playing "Dodge the trees" in a heavily wooded area at top speed.

Shadow can only make muffled noises.

Timid: He said that sucks, and that was INDEED retarded.

Forever: Now you see my point! If my friends are watching, you guys can go suck a railroad spike. To Bill: Would you prefer a trip to the tropical beaches in Aquas or a relaxing ski trip in the jagged climate controlled mountains of Fortuna. Both come with 2 weeks off, 9 friends, all-you-can-eat-buffets and, to top it all off, it's Five stars.

Bill: I'm gonna go with the vacation on Aquas.

_Forever: _To Bill: CONGRATULATIONS! YOU WON A FREE TRIP TO AQUAS FOR YOU AND 9 FRIENDS! ALL FOR FREE! You should be thanking me now.

Bill: Sweet! Thanks, retard who got his arm broken from a retarded idea!

Forever: …Wow…That's the thanks I get?

Bill: Kidding! Thanks, Forever.

Forever: You're welcome, horny mutt who frequently visits "Doggie Style . com".

Bill: Grrrrrrrrrrr…….

Forever: To Shadow: *whispers* That gives me an idea for a fan fiction...

He makes muffled noises.

Timid: You mean for the vacation, or "Doggie Style . com"?

Forever: Well, I was first thinking the vacation. But the other would make a good one, too. Like, he finds a picture with no face view. And the site has some sort of "Physical" section where you can one the women to go to your house. He then finds out its Fay. That would be perfect!

Metal: Can't hear you! Watching Fullmetal Alchemist!

Forever: Grrrrrrr…. To Falco: HANDS OFF MY BREAD!

Falco: No! It's mine!

Forever: Hand it over!

Falco: No! I'm hungry! I want a sandwich!

Forever: Then at least make me one!

Falco: Fine. How's about a knuckle sandwich?

He attempts to punch Forever. He just jumps back and then follows up with a-

Forever: FALCON PAUWNCH!!

Falco gets launched back.

Forever: Yeah, bitch! Take that, bitch! To Miyu and or Katt: Translate for me... Meow... Mrowl... purr... and HISS!

Miyu: Ooh. That's fun…

Katt: Very sexy indeed…

They wink seductively and purrs silently.

Forever: Um…I don't even know what I said.

Katt: Oh, don't worry about that.

Miyu: We'll show you later.

Forever: Um…Okay. To Panther: Rawr means?

Panther: 'I have explosive diarrhea'.

Metal: That makes sense.

Timid: How?

Metal: A feline would say rawr when they feel threatened, so when they say that, the enemy will back away.

Timid: Oh yeah. It does. But wait…They also say it before mating…

Metal: Well, the volume and intensity of the word matters. When intense and loud, it's a defense mechanism. But when low and soft, and of course seductive, it pretty much means something of a mating call.

Timid: Weird…When did you become the expert on feline anthros?

Metal: Internet…Research project.

Timid: You wanted to know this stuff 'just in case', huh?

Metal: No! …Maybe…

Forever: To Fay: I'm not going to take off my shirt and wiggle around for you!

Fay: Of course you won't. You've already offered something better for Katt and Miyu.

Forever: Now, I'm looking forward to it.

Fay: You should…But, let's not throw anything out about the 'wiggling'.

Forever: …

Metal: …

Timid:…

…

Leon: Enough with the silence! It's too much for my weed inflicted mind!

Wolf: AHA! You admit it!

Leon: No I didn't! That was Shadow throwing his voice.

Wolf: But, he's-

Forever: Quick bickering!

He channels in on General Pepper's phone through a satellite. He answers after a few rings.

Pepper: General Pepper's office!

Forever: You SUCK! You send these poor, helpless little Star Fox Members to war, where they could be killed! Just think of what it would be like if YOU were a poor, helpless little Star Fox crewman... being sent off to war... being sent to DIE!

Pepper: Wha- Who is this?!

Forever:THIS MESSAGE WAS PAID FOR BY PETL (People 4 Ethical Treatment of Lylatians).

Pepper: But shouldn't there be an added F for 'For'?

Forever: It's a number, dumbass!

Pepper: But wouldn't you still have to-

Forever: SHUT UP! GO SUCK YOUR MOM!

He hangs up.

Forever: Now, to the camera.

When the screen appears, Pepper is shown crying in his office.

Forever: All 'cause I yelled at him. Funny.

* * *

Pepper is crying loudly.

Pepper: I'm out of cocaine! Why'd he have to yell at me while I'm out of cocaine?!

He continues to cry.

* * *

Forever: To Shadow: Ha ha ha haa haa! I made the general cry. Anyway, keep up the staggering work! I gotta go... You look mad... I think that's mad... I don't know... I'm horrible at reading emotion. For all I know, you could be smiling and wa-

Timid: Let me just stop you now. He's angry because he's tied up and has a ball gag in his mouth.

Forever: Oh, okay. See ya!

He disappears.

Metal: I thought he was going up to the balcony.

A screen appears. It shows a padded cell with Forever rolling around the floor in a straightjacket. He's singing his made up song.

Forever: Q&A, A&Q, Q&A, A&Q…

The screen goes away.

Metal: And I thought Shadow was crazy. Alright, so up next, we have Fox Fighter 220! …But it says he wants us to call him Joe.

Joe appears through a small accumulation of shadow essence on the floor.

Joe: WHAZZUP!!!!

Metal: WHAZZUP!!!!

Joe: WHAZZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU…

Metal: WHAZZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU…

Both: …UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!

Joe: I've been waiting a while to get here.

Metal: So have a lot of people. Go ahead and ask away.

Joe: With pleasure. To Krystal: I'm a natural colored black fox. I find you attractive. May I have a kiss?

Krystal: NO! Fox is the only one for me!

Wolf: Even though he starts crying like a baby at any negative comments toward his father.

Krystal: Exactly. …Hey!

Joe: To Fox: I am a shadow fox, a rare and superior cousin to red foxes. I am better than you in any combat situation hand to hand, weapons melee, blasters, and piloting. I'll make you a wager. We will fight hand to hand. If win I get your Arwing, and if you win I'll use my author powers to do anything you tell me to but just one thing... So do you accept my challenge?

Fox: After all that…No.

Metal: But Shadow will!

Joe: Of course! He's been saying he wanted to fight me.

Timid: He did?

Joe: Yep. On The Random Forum.

ADVERTISEMENT ALERT!!!

Joe: To Krystal: bh0jkuc 0ei uho xek A bden 0ei idtohjkudt kxaj rik vep teojdk.

Krystal: Well…Thanks for the compliment.

Joe: No problem.

Krystal: You mind giving me some ideas?

Joe: Sure.

Krystal: A doot ke bden u weet nu0 ke xulo 'vid' nakx Fox.

Joe: 0ei seict ucnu0j kh0 u fhejkuko mujjuwo.

Fox: What are you talking about?

Krystal: Recipes.

Joe: Udt, ev seihjo, kxoho'j ucnu0j kxo oloh feficuh redtuwo jakiukaed.

Krystal: Nxasx edo?

Joe: Nxoho 0ei jkhuf xam ke kxo rot udt rcadt vect xam. Kxod, zijk te hudtem jopiuc uskj nakx xam, cabo casbadw nxaf shoum evv ev xam.

Krystal: Xen te 0ei bden ucc kxojo jop atouj?

Joe: A'm u wi0. Ak semoj dukihucc0. Zijk te jemokxadw cabo kxuk udt ak'cc nehb. Ex, udt ijo kxejo faccj kxuk Shadow wulo 0ei. Fcij, wok u kxad rhu udt fuah ev fudkaoj. Te ucc kxuk, udt 0ei wek u weet dawxk uxout ev 0ei.

Fox: I heard 'Shadow'. Why is he involved in this?

Krystal: The recipe requires shadow powers, the kind only Shadow can use.

Joe: Weet cisb.

Krystal: Kxudbj.

You might wanna find a Saurian translator to understand the conversation between Krystal and Joe mama.

Joe: That's all I got. See ya!

He sinks into a puddle of shadow. He reappears in the balcony. Shadow says something, but it is yet again muffled.

Timid: Nope. Not yet. We'll let you go soon though. But before that, our next guest will be ShaunKenobi!

An X-Wing fighter flies by. Shaun jumps out of the cockpit and lands on stage.

Shaun: How's that for madness?

Metal: That might've been a bad idea.

Shaun: Why?

His X-Wing crashes into a nearby building.

Shaun: Um…I'll pay for that.

Halo: Just like Shadow will pay for my mech!

Everyone else: SHUT UP ABOUT THE MECH!!

Halo: …

Shaun: To Fox: Why did you say that you were 18 when your father died? Seriously, you are 18 in Lylat Wars, and it CLEARLY states in the intro for the game: "...A few YEARS have passed, and Andross has again invaded the lylat system, General Pepper had turned to a new Star Fox team..." yada, yada, yada.

Fox: Well, EXCUSE ME! I don't like talking about my dad if I don't have to!

Shaun: I was just asking…

Timid: Don't worry. You're not the only one. One of our staff was sent to the emergency room 'cause of something just like this.

Fox: I was ABOUT 18.

Metal: But Peppy say something about his book? "Raising A Child: Interspecies Edition"?

Peppy: What about it?

Metal: Wouldn't that mean you raised Fox?

Peppy: His parents were busy a lot. I watched him when they couldn't.

Metal: Ah.

Shaun: To Krystal: What did you think of the APPALLING story line that was made up for you in Star Fox Command? I mean good game, but the background story... sheesh...

Krystal: Exactly. I don't want to leave Star Fox and become Kursed.

Metal: (Whispering) Um…Timid?

Timid: (Whispering) Yeah?

Metal: (Whispering) Didn't Shadow say something about that before the show? Something about Kursed.

Timid: (Whispering) Yeah. We'll let him take care of that.

Shaun: What are you two talking about?

Timid: Nothing.

Metal: Nothing at all.

Shaun: Hmm…To Shadow (Why do I always imagine spooky music inserted here?): Can you bring Fara Phoenix into this little show?

Shadow can only make muffled speech.

Timid: Shaun, over here.

Shaun: Yeah?

Timid: (Whispering) We can't let the others know, but we had it on our agenda. Along with a few other surprise guests.

Shaun: (Whispering) Huh…And while you're at it, invite Andross...

Timid: Hmm…I don't know about that. I'll have to run it by Shadow.

Shaun: Okay. Just putting the idea out there. To Wolf: On paper planes... Have you ever visited 'Out Of This Dimension' from the original game?

He slowly vanishes into thin air, laughing maniacally.

Wolf: Um… Never heard of it.

Shaun: (Up in the balcony) Oh, okay. Whatever.

Timid: Okay…That was odd. Up next, we have wolverine18.

He makes his entrance through the portal.

Wolverine: Finally found one! To Wolf: How would you react to being trapped in a room full of paper planes?

Wolf: I'd be fine.

Wolverine: But I thought you were afraid of them.

Wolf: You didn't say someone would throw them.

Wolverine: There'd be five guys throwing them at you.

Wolf: …

Is he wetting himself?

Wolverine: To Shadow: Why the hell is Jake so messed up?

Timid: Still can't talk. And we don't know why. He doesn't belong to us, he's the creation of starfoxluver. Ask him.

Wolverine: Okay. To everyone excluding authors: I'm just gonna ask questions this time, but next time you see me, I'll have a game for you... I think... But if I do, you won't like it!

Falco: You're not gonna be about that one guy, are you? What's his name…?

Timid: Mr. Saw?

Falco: Yeah, him!

Wolverine: No. But it will be gruesome!

Metal: Awesome. I wanna see!

Wolverine: Next time.

Metal: Excellent…

Wolverine: Okay. Up I go!

He jumps up to the balcony.

Panther: Is it just me, or are things becoming less random and annoying?

Metal: Yeah…Maybe we should let Shadow go now.

Timid: Not yet.

Shadow gives her a death glare.

Timid: Well, you brought this upon yourself.

He then begins to look guilty. At the same time, he seems to be thinking.

Timid: Next up is-

Joe: Hold up!

Joe Mama jumps down.

Joe: I got more questions. But we'll need Shadow for this.

Timid: I don't think-

Metal: Timid, c'mon. I think he's been in there long enough.

Timid: …Fine.

She undoes the ball gag and unties Shadow.

Shadow: Ah, that's better. Timid, I'm sorry for-

Timid: I'm not talking to you right now.

Shadow: …

Joe: To Fox: Aw SNAP! Ok that was random...

Fox: You're telling me. …You smell like pizza.

Joe: I just had some. IT'S DELICIOUS!

Metal: Damn straight.

Joe: To Shadow: So that Zanpaktou... Can it block magic?

Shadow: Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

Joe: Then… TAKE THIS!!

He fires off black lightning from his palm. Shadow brings up his Zanpakuto and spins it like a windmill. The lightning gets caught in the spinning. He then stabs the Zanpakuto in the ground and creates a large bolt of black lightning right back at Joe Mama. He catches it in his palm.

Joe: Not bad. To Slippy: I absolutely hate you and your high pitched squeaky voice! Now DIE! Nauxeam Peronium!

Slippy's head explodes.

Joe: To Shadow: Yeah, you might wanna bring him back to life... Unless that was another clone.

Shadow: Got it.

He snaps his fingers and Slippy's head is restored.

Slippy: Oh…My head…

Falco: Looked like you just reversed time.

Shadow: Nah, I can't do that.

Joe: To Slippy: Sorry I just... have violent outbursts...

He mutters something about his dark side.

Metal: Dark side, you say?

Yes. That is what I said.

Metal: Interesting…

Joe: How?

Metal: I don't know.

Joe: Huh… To Katt: OH SHIX! I forgot you were here.

Katt: What the hell does shix mean?

Joe: No idea… To Bill: Hi...

Bill quickly closes his laptop.

Bill: Hey.

Fox: What were you doing?

Bill: Nothing.

Wolf: Did I see your hand down your pants?

Bill: Why were you looking there?

Wolf: …

Bill: and no it wasn't.

Sure, it wasn't…Just like you weren't on "Doggie Style . com".

Bill: I wasn't, I tell you!

Joe: That's good for now. See ya!

Joe Mama jumps back up to the balcony. He also shoots black lightning at- OW!!

Joe: That's for calling me Joe Mama!

Damn you.

Shadow: Our last guest tonight is someone by the name of-

Shady: Hola! I'm Lady Shady!

Shadow: Whoa!

Metal: How'd you get here so fast?!

Shady: I'm just awesome like that. Hee hee…

Wolf: My, my, aren't we modest?

Shady: Did I mention I might speak a bit of Spanish?

Shadow: Really? Cool. Go ahead and ask.

Shady: Alright, Shadow. To Fox y Krystal: What is the status of the relationship between you two? Any kids on the way?

Fox: No, not yet.

Krystal: We don't wanna take it that far.

Falco: Yeah, don't be fooled by all the intimacy they get.

Fox and Krystal: That's none of your business!

Shady: To Shadow: If you need me to translate, I'll gladly do it for you.

She winks at him seductively.

Shadow: Um…Is there something wrong with your eye?

Shady: Nope.

She winks again.

Timid: Huh?

Shady: To Miyu: What species ARE you exactly?

Miyu: I'm a lynx! Isn't it obvious?

Panther: Not really.

Miyu: Not you.

Shadow: It's true. You were in Star Fox 2, but it was never released.

Miyu: Damn those producers. Why couldn't Fay and me be in Star Fox 64?

Shadow: Who knows? But maybe you'll be in Star Fox Frontiers.

Everyone else: Huh?

Shadow: The rumored title to the new Star Fox game.

Shady: Cool info. To Fay: Same as Miyu.

Fay: I'm a collie.

Shadow: Yeah, that's just as none obvious.

Fay: It's sad.

Shady: To Shadow: What would you do if I... did THIS!

She pounces on him and kisses him passionately. She gets up after a few seconds.

Shady: I can see why you have so many fangirls.

Shadow: Uh…Uh…Uh…

Shady: Your so cute when you're like that! To All: And with that, I go. Oh, and tell Timid I said "Hola".

She fades into the shadows. They can still hear her voice.

Everyone: …Okay. Bye.

Shady: To All: Adiós, gente. No mire a mí, viajar en la oscuridad.

Everyone: Um…What?

Joe: I can translate1 She said 'Bye, people. Do not look to me, traveling in the dark.'

Shadow: Uh-huh…Weird.

Metal: Are you talking about that, or the fact that she kissed you?

Shadow: A little of both. But now, we're done with the questions! So, now it's time for the finale! Logan, get down here!

Logan jumps down and sits behind the drums. Metal grabs the guitar, not his but a Rock Band guitar, and Shadow grabs the mic along with another guitar.

Metal: Bass and vocals, huh?

Shadow: Actually, I changed it so I can play rhythm.

He grabs a third guitar and offers it to Timid.

Timid: No thanks. I'm still mad at you.

Shadow: …Okay…Anyone?

Joe: I'll take it.

Shadow: Okay.

Joe Mama-

Joe: Grrrrrrrr…

I mean, Joe grabs the bass. Shadow walks up to the mic.

Shadow: If you took the clue, then you could guess what the first song is. It's "Battery" by Metallica. Hit it!

Shadow starts in with the soft rhythm part. He plays it for a few moments. Then Metal starts playing his part, a slightly higher version of what Shadow is playing, and also with more notes. They play that for a few measures. Then, they play in unison when the drums kick in. The combined sound gives it that metal sound. Then, a few power chords, then the fast guitar part. Shadow starts in with the vocals.

Shadow: Lashing out the action, returning the reaction

Weak are ripped and torn away

Hypnotizing power, crushing all that cower

Battery is here to stay

Smashing through the boundaries

Lunacy has found me

Cannot stop the battery

Pounding out aggression

Turns into obsession

Cannot kill the battery

Cannot kill the family

Battery is found in me

Battery!

Battery!

Metal plays through a mini solo that lasts no longer than seven seconds. The fast guitar part continues.

Shadow: Crushing all deceivers, mashing non-believers

Never ending potency

Hungry violence seeker, feeding off the weaker

Breeding on insanity

Smashing through the boundaries

Lunacy has found me

Cannot stop the battery

Pounding out aggression

Turns into obsession

Cannot kill the battery

Cannot kill the family

Battery is found in me

Battery!

Battery!

A small interlude begins. The two guitars play a small unison solo, which was a flurry of notes that repeated themselves. Soon, Shadow stopped while Metal held out a high note, then a few power chords like before. Then, Metal cuts into a solo. As he's playing, his power is unleashed and firework-like explosions go off above the crowd. They cheer as Metal shreds. After the solo, the two guitars play a pattern of power chords while Logan does a rapid drum fill. Soon, the guitarists stop and the drum fill is heard clearly for a brief moment until the guitar parts and vocals start again.

Shadow: Circle of destruction, hammer comes crushing

Powerhouse of energy

Whipping up a fury, dominating flurry

We create the battery

Smashing through the boundaries

Lunacy has found me

Cannot stop the battery

Pounding out aggression

Turns into obsession

Cannot kill the battery

Cannot kill the family

Battery is found in me

Battery!

Battery!

Metal plays through a mini solo that lasts no longer than seven seconds. The fast guitar part continues.

Shadow: Crushing all deceivers, mashing non-believers

Never ending potency

Hungry violence seeker, feeding off the weaker

Breeding on insanity

Smashing through the boundaries

Lunacy has found me

Cannot stop the battery

Pounding out aggression

Turns into obsession

Cannot kill the battery

Cannot kill the family

Battery is found in me

Battery!

Battery!

Battery!

Battery!

The pattern of power chords and the rapid drum fill goes again. They continue until Metal holds out a power chord. They finish up with a quick power chord flurry. Blasts of chakra go off above while the crowd goes wild.

Logan: Awesome, guys.

Shadow: You too.

The rhythm guitar Shadow had disappears and Joe hands him the bass.

Shadow: You'd know this song if you paid attention to the second clue. But before that, I'd like to dedicate it…to Timid.

Timid: Huh?

Shadow: I figured this was the best way to apologize to her. I heard she had a thing for this, so here it is! "Nine in the Afternoon" by Panic at the Disco!

The crowd cheers as a bunch of Shadow Clones form a mini orchestra for the back part of the song. A piano starts up. The drum comes in soon after. Shadow steps up to the mic and plays a single bass note.

Shadow: Back to the street where we began

Feeling as good as lovers can, you know

Yeah we're feeling so good

Shadow starts a bass groove.

Pickin' up things we shouldn't read

It looks like the end of history as we know

It's just the end of the world

Metal starts up his guitar part.

Shadow: Back to the street where we began

Feeling as good as love, you could, you can

Both guitars stop.

Shadow: Into a place where thoughts can bloom

Into a room where it's nine in the afternoon

And we know that it could be

The bass groove starts again.

Shadow: And we know that it should

And you know that you feel it too

'Cause it's nine in the afternoon

The guitar starts up again. The orchestra kicks in.

Shadow: And your eyes are the size of the moon

You could 'cause you can so you do

We're feeling so good

Just the way that we do

When it's nine in the afternoon

Your eyes are the size of the moon

You could 'cause you can so you do

We're feeling so good

Shadow plays a few bass notes throughout the next verse.

Shadow: Back to the street

Down to our feet

Losing the feeling of feeling unique

Do you know what I mean?

The bass groove starts again.

Shadow: Back to the place

Where we used to say

Man it feels good to feel this way

Now I know what I mean

The guitar starts in again.

Shadow: Back to the street, back to the place,

Back to the room where it all began, hey

Back to the room where it all began

'Cause it's nine in the afternoon

The orchestra plays softly.

Your eyes are the size of the moon

You could 'cause you can so you do

We're feeling so good

Just the way that we do

When it's nine in the afternoon

Your eyes are the size of the moon

You could 'cause you can so you do

We're feeling so good

Just the way that we do

When it's nine in the afternoon

Drums, guitar, bass, and orchestra stop.

Your eyes are the size of the moon

You could 'cause you can so you do

We're feeling so good

Just the way that we do

When it's nine in the afternoon

Metal and Logan sing a held out falsetto vocal part, while the orchestra plays. Soon, the guitar cuts in, and Shadow does the same falsetto as the others did. After he does, the guitar quits out and the orchestra plays to the end. The crowd cheers at the finish. The instruments disappear, and the four on stage take a bow.

Timid: Shadow…

Shadow turns to her, and she's crying tears of happiness.

Timid: I'm sorry.

She hugs him. They hold the embrace for a few seconds.

Shadow: I'm sorry for how I acted. Something just came over me-

Metal: That's what she said.

Shadow: -and I just…

Timid: I understand. And I forgive you. And I LOVE YOUR SINGING!

Shadow: Thanks.

Timid: And now that I'm back to loving you…LADY SHADY, STAY AWAY FROM MY SHADOW-KUN!!! HE'S MINE!!

Shadow: …Oh yeah, I forgot.

Timid: …Wasn't there a third clue?

Shadow: Yeah. But it involves something more.

He snaps his fingers, and each of them had an instrument. Logan: Double Bass Pedal Drums. Timid: Ebony Kramer Bass. Shadow: Chaos Ringer Warlock. It has flames with rose and thorns graphics on it. The neck had red Zakk Wylde inlays with an ebony background. The headstock was a Destroyer. Metal: His Angel of Death Flying V.

Joe: Looks like my time on stage is up. Back to the balcony! I need some soda. I'm thirsty…

He jumps up there as lightning starts to form around the stage.

Shadow: If you caught the riddle for the third clue, you would know that the third part of our finale would be "Ride The Lightning" by Metallica.

The crowd cheers, signifying that they're excited. I'm totally psyched too!

Shadow: Hit it!

The song starts. The guitars play in unison, while the bass plays a note every two notes they play. The drums start in a few seconds later. Then come heavier notes from the guitars. They play that for a few, along with a different pattern, then Shadow walks up to the mic.

Shadow: Guilty as charged

But damn it, it ain't right

There's someone else controlling me

Death in the air

Strapped in the electric chair

This can't be happening to me

Who made you God to say?,

I'll take your life from you

Flash before my eyes

Now it's time to die

The guitars play without vocals for a second.

Shadow: Burning in my brain

I can feel the flame

A small guitar part plays through for a few seconds.

Shadow: Wait for the sign

To flick the switch of death

It's the beginning of the end

Sweat, chilling cold

As I watch death unfold

Consciousness my only friend

My fingers grip with fear

What am I doing here?

Flash before my eyes

Now it's time to die

The same part from before plays.

Shadow: Burning in my brain

I can feel the flame

A new part plays, causing the lightning around the stage to spark up and shoot out in random directions.

Shadow: Someone help me

Oh please, God help me

They're trying to take it all away

I don't want to die

They play the part from before for a few seconds. They then begin playing a dual rhythm part for a few moments. Then, Metal cuts into a solo. At first, it one of those that sounds fluttery. It cuts into a more hardcore part. The lightning around the stage surges even more. It surrounds him and his guitar. As the solo continues, the lightning changes color like at a hippie concert. It gets to the part that has a bunch of high pitch notes for a bit. It then goes to a part where the other instruments stop for a moment while the notes "descend". They get back in with a much more fast part. The solo "climbs", then would go down to a lower octave. Metal then joined in with the rhythm again. It was the part that was after the second verse. Shadow gets back up to the mic.

Shadow: Someone help me

Oh please, God help me

They are trying to take it all away

I don't want to die

The rhythm from the part before plays. It skews off where the guitars would hold a long note and the bass would continue to play. They then get back in to the original rhythm.

Shadow: Time moving slow

The minutes seem like hours

The final curtain call I see

I'm through with this

Just get it over with

If this is true, just let it be

Wakened by a horrid scream

Freed from this frightening dream

Flash before my eyes

Now it's time to die

The same small guitar interlude.

Burning in my brain

I can feel the flame

Shadow unleashes an attack with his guitar, making the mic explode into a bunch of diamond dust that blows over the crowd. They play the rhythm from before, but it's changed so that they play different notes at points and hold out others. They then end with the first guitar from the beginning. Metal makes it so his guitar echoes across the stadium. The lightning fades away and the crowd cheers the loudest of the night.

Metal: YEAH!!

They stage dive. The audience carries them around the circular stage, and then helps them back up to it.

Shadow: This was a great night!

Timid: I'll say.

She kisses him passionately. When they break away, Joe jumps down and runs around the stage, yelling about pizza and causing some sort of propane accident.

Shadow: What's with him?

Krys: He had a soda.

Metal: Yeah? How's that bad?

Krys: Then he had another, and another…and he started to demolish the soda machine…and he drank all the soda.

Shadow: Oh. Here.

He uses the Shadow Illusion to dash in front of him. He gets a look of violence in his eyes, and goes into a fighting stance.

Joe: Fighting poses!

He kicks at Shadow, who dodges it. He has to dodge several other attacks until Joe connects with his face. Shadow slides back, still on his feet, and wipes off some of the blood on his cheek. He launches forward and lands a blow in Joe's face. They begin a high-speed punch fest with each other. Suddenly, a shiny wrapper flies by.

Shadow: OOH SHINY!

Joe takes his chance and attacks. Shadow dodges, but not the way he wanted to. He jumped but somewhat lost balance. Joe runs up, but slips on a banana peel. He does somewhat of a full length back flip, and his foot connects with Shadow's crotch. He lets out an opera yell.

Metal: Timid, do we have any more bananas?

Timid: …Grr…

Shadow stumbles on the ground, holding his crotch, slightly tearing. Joe lands a bit off balance. Shadow takes off his cloak to reveal a Soul Reaper outfit underneath. He kicks Joe up in the air, and then several more times. He then wraps the coat around, along with himself. He spirals to the ground with him.

Shadow: Primary Lotus!

They smash into the ground. The stage ruptures, and smoke is sent everywhere. When it clears, Joe is on the ground, while Shadow is standing. He falls over.

Timid: Shadow!

She runs up and helps him up. Metal assists Joe.

Shadow: Nice battle, dude.

Joe: Same to you. But you shouldn't have been that easily tired.

Shadow: Not very good sleep this week. And I was thinking the same about you.

Joe: Tired as well.

Shadow: Huh.

He stands up full length.

Shadow: That wraps up tonight's show! Thank you for coming! So, from all of us at Q&A Madness, join us next time for an explosion of prodigiousness, an eruption of randomness, and a mind blowing amount of all out awesomeness! Join us next time for…

Audience: Q&A MADNESS!!!

Metal, Timid, and Shadow: GOOD NIGHT!!

* * *

**Behind the scenes**

Metal: Excellent show tonight.

Shadow: Thanks.

Cameraman: Shadow Shinobi, sir?

Shadow: Yes?

Cameraman: Our viewers mentioned no inclusion of who would be added to the next guest list.

Shadow: Oh yes. First off, the co-host will be Bailey! Next, our guests will be Fara Phoenix and…Well, I was hoping to keep this a surprise, but I'll show you.

He walks down the hall to where the Star Fox crew was. He cast a silent and nearly unnoticeable spell connected to Krystal. He absorbed a bit of aura. He brought it back for the others to see. The aura falls to the ground and takes on Krystal's form.

Shadow: This will be our next guest.

When it was fully formed, it spoke.

Kursed: Finally free from her mind. I got nothing else to do, so I'll help torment Star Fox with you.

Shadow: Perfect. So, Fara and Kursed. And also, you can ask questions to Metal. That's all.

Cameraman: Thank you.

They leave.

* * *

??: Good…Now we know that we have control over him still.

??: He hasn't changed since "That Whole Q&A Trip".

??: No, he hasn't. That makes things a whole lot easier.

The two chuckle.

* * *

Well, how was that?! I will tell you, the torture Krizz put everyone through...I almost couldn't type it. It was kinda explicit. So I understand if you just used the little scrolly guy on your mouse or that window bar to my right. And just to tell you, those commercials are true.

Remember, our next guests will be Fara and Kursed. Metal will be up for questioning, and bailey11095503 will be the co-host. REVIEW! NOW!!! I can't do this without you guys!


	7. Public Announcement

Public Announcement

_We interrupt your regularly scheduled, yet more than likely mind numbingly retarded programming, for this public announcement._

Shadow: Hi, I'm Shadow Shinobi. As you may know, I have been inactive for the past few months. This has been a great misfortune, and I am thoroughly kicking myself. But I am bringing this bit of news for you. I hope to keep the Q&A War going. But as it is, it is dying. That's why I'm asking of all the hosts out there to keep it going, and all of the fans out there to support them. I hope to return to the field soon, but recent developments have kept me…uh….busy…

Krystal: Is he blushing?

Shadow: N-no! Anyway, I'm bringing this to your attention so you may pursue to keep the Q&As running. Thank you all. I apologize for the long wait.

_This concludes our public announcement._

* * *

_Shadow walks off stage, drinking out of his canteen, looking overly stressed._

Krystal: Seriously, why were you blushing?

Shadow: Shut it, I'm not saying.

Krystal: Is it personal?

Shadow: Why would I be blushing if it wasn't?!

Katt: Is it something awesome?

Shadow: W-well…No. In fact, it was embarrassment of not being able to update.

Fay and Miyu: Suuuuuuuuuuuurrre…

Shadow: Ya know, they might as well cast you two for a remake of the Shining.

All the girls: TELL US!!

Shadow: NO!!!

_He flies off._

Katt: Yeash….What a douche.

Krystal: With what that kid goes through, it's nothing.

Katt: You read his mind, didn't you?

Krystal: Yes.

Katt: Tell me!

Krystal: NO!

_She runs off._

Katt: UGH!

* * *

_If you must know, the blushing was a part of the plot. Don't know why I expressed it like I did, but you'll find out later. Again, sorry for the long wait. I'm putting this up to let you know I'm alive and sorta well. So, to all of you awesome people out there, good luck and Godspeed._


End file.
